How to love your reflection
In the modern world, there is a cult of standardized beauty: every day looking at "ideal" girls from advertising posters, we dream to be like them. Forgetting at the same time and about computer tricks that improve the appearance of models, and genetically incorporated forms of our body and age changes. It seems, it is only necessary to become perfection, and all life will change: suddenly a man of dreams will appear, an excellent job ... everyone will love you! The situation is aggravated by the high demands of the present, viz. Additional requests to the appearance of a woman: it is not enough to be slender - the body should be elastic, pumped up, without cellulite.
Cult of ideal forms for the ideal woman in the modern world: the notorious 90-60-90, so convenient for creating masterpieces of couturiers and often unattainable for the ordinary lady. The boom of plastic surgery: why suffer from shortcomings, if everything can be easily built up or tightened up? Prosperity in the porn industry: a comparison with silicone beauties is not always in our favor.
But the most important demolitionist is perfectionism (idealization of one's capabilities): a modern woman, accustomed to seeking career heights, is sure that everything is within her power! What can I say about some wrinkles? Convincing ourselves that we can achieve anything by working hard, we often drive ourselves into a corner, but is the hard-to-reach goal of the titanic effort worthwhile?
The ideal of beauty is not as simple as it seems. Its deep purpose is to separate a person as much as possible from his sense of self, focusing attention on how he is perceived by other people. Be as it should be - in a specific historical period and in a certain social environment ... and why? Russian psychologist Marina Baksakova is confident that this is "beneficial" to the society: "In order for the society not to lose its structure, it is necessary that all its members are slightly similar - unified. If everyone is a unique individual, how will they be affected? Beauty standards are also one of the mechanisms of unification. "
Footboards for self-evaluation
Initially, we perceive ourselves through the prism of the views of others, and the first estimates are obtained in childhood. Our first "mirror" is the eyes of the parents, who certainly love or appreciate. Alas, a critical view of the child is typical enough for our culture: as a rule, we tend to pay special attention to precisely what is lacking, wishing to correct the shortcomings or fear to spoil it. Of course, parental criticism, rather, is aimed at the personal qualities of the child, but sometimes it gets to the exterior: "A scruffy girl is ugly! And you need to eat less, or you'll grow fat and awkward. " Intentions are the best, but what is the result? Positive self-esteem is often lame - it is directly related to the attitude of a person to one's body. In the future, constant discontent with them can negatively affect both the appearance and the psychological state of a person, harming many facets of his life (professional, sexual, social).
Particularly vulnerable in this respect is the fine gender, which has several reasons. Historical memory: once a woman depended entirely on a man, and appearance was her main wealth.
Tender priorities for the ideal woman in the modern world: the desire to please the ladies is associated with the experience of one's own value (unlike men, for whom social attributes are more important: status, career, income). Public opinion, phrased by the phrase: "Every woman can be beautiful. There are no ugly women, there are lazy people. " Under the pressure of social standards, "it is possible" is gradually transformed into "should", and the idea that the body can be changed becomes an assertion - it is necessary. And if you do not do it - lazy, it's your own fault.
Uncertain of their own attractiveness, we tend to fall into the trap of the ideal - passionately seeking to please others, to be right. However, putting the paramount task of matching the opinion of others, we break away from the sensations of our body, asking ourselves the question: "What am I to others?" But the question "What am I to myself?" Is no less important. Because, only pleasing yourself, you can find harmony in relationships with others.
Unique and unrepeatable
Everyone can feel himself a crown of creation - our body is perfect, no matter how it looks. Let in the fast rhythm of modern times we forget to listen to his signals (about the need for food or sleep), more trusting not our own feelings, but the opinion of experts who know what is best for our body. And yet, as it is not "cultivated", no matter how customized to the standards, the body remains natural and individual! And this is his strength. It allows us to feel the joy of movement, it is doing admirably with its duties: it sweats, if it's hot, it keeps the heat, if it's cold, it signals pain about the disorders in the body. And bearing a child: it's just a miracle! The triumph of nature - in its pure form, without the control of reason and feelings on our part. And does such a perfect creation not deserve our love and respect?
There are many ways of knowing the uniqueness of one's body: it is physical activity that gives satisfaction from owning oneself, and cosmetic procedures (especially massage) that fill every cell with joy. Feeling the body, we make the first step in the way of love for him.
There is something to appreciate!
That this love was mutual, it is necessary to try:
To appreciate it is like a temple, as a source of the many pleasures available to everyone. Encourage yourself for good deeds done for the body: giving up a hamburger, going to the pool.
Restore the balance in self-esteem: while looking in the mirror, concentrate your attention on those parts of the body that you like. Admire them, praise them - instead of habitually scold your own imperfections. Do not complain to others about your body ("What I am fat!") - the most severe criticism, as a rule, comes from ourselves. Learn your body better: a close acquaintance usually gives rise to satisfaction. According to polls of psychologists, the part of the body to which women are most loyal is the face. It turns out that the secret is that we just ... got used to it (we often see it in the mirror and we are quite tolerant). And if you take the rule of treating yourself more often in full growth? Use it in a new way: in sports, dancing ... strip-dance, at last! Do what you have long wanted to try, but were embarrassed by the shortcomings of your appearance.
To feel the body through another person: often we are reluctant to allow "aliens" to the body. And if you allow? For example, deciding on a course of professional massage. When another person touches the body with care and attention, our sense of self is gradually changing.
To hear the opinion from the side: ask your loved ones to tell about all the good things in your body: what they like, what they appreciate. Thank and remember, emphasize this with the help of clothes. Compliments became much more? It's time to learn how to react to them with dignity - without justifying or leveling your dignity. A glimpse into the past: look at photos taken a few years ago - true, do you seem prettier to them? And then you realize that even then you had something to complain about! This discovery helps to accept your body today. Give yourself a new photo shoot - a fresh look at yourself real will not hurt.
Mastering Yourself
In the opinion of French psychologists, we have two possibilities to exist in our own body: either forgetting about it (identifying ourselves with it: I am my body) or thinking about it detached (considering it a valuable asset: I have a body). The difference is substantial! Perceiving ourselves and the body as a whole, we are not able to "double" in order to begin to treat it as an object of respect, love, care. And in the case of awareness of the possession of a body, a certain "sovereign subject" who has the power to extend (shorten) our lives, we treat him with all the respect that it deserves.