Fate often plays cruel games with us, forcing us to choose between love and duty, between the desires of the soul and reasonable reason, between the unloved husband and the beloved man. Women who are faced with such a life dilemma, heart torn in half. One half wants to maintain a relationship with her husband, with whom they bind their obligations, children, property, the memory of past love and joint victories and joys. And the other - trembles with a new love for another man who fills life with meaning and hopes for a happy future. Head is spinning! To whom to concede? A loving heart or conscientious mind? How to decide and what to do so that the consequences of the choice would not be excruciatingly painful?
1. Identify needs
Understand the situation will help a written analysis of needs, which are implemented in marriage and in relationships with a beloved man.
List of "What keeps me in the family?"
For example:
- financial stability (housing, money, etc.);
- psychological comfort for a child who will grow up in a complete family;
- the realization as a "mother of the family";
- predictability of behavior of all family members;
- support of influential relatives or friends of the family;
- sexual compatibility with her husband, etc.
The list of "What do I get in a relationship with my beloved man?"
For example:
- love, which is expressed in touching tenderness and affection;
- feeling of own importance and exclusivity;
- sincere care and care;
- support, assistance, friendly participation;
- intrigue;
- flowers and gifts;
- passionate sex, etc.
Separately, you can make lists of the positive qualities of a husband and lover. Fixing on a sheet of paper all the "pros" in their dealings with them will allow you to see a clear picture of what will have to be lost by making a decision to part with your spouse or loved one.
2. Find true motives
At this stage, it is necessary to determine whether the desire to destroy the old life is really guided by true love, and not by the desire to compensate for what the old relations do not give. Here you will have to be extremely frank and honest with yourself, to sort out internal conflicts that prevent you from seeing the truth. And the truth is that there are no good or bad husbands, ideal lovers and cloudless family happiness. In any new relationship we take ourselves to the former - intolerant, irreconcilable, demanding, selfish, sacrificial, etc. We are trying to build a new one on undeveloped ruins from our own fears, complexes, experiences. We forget to take into account the "psychology" of love, which "lives three years", and then turns into either friendship or a habit, from which you just want to escape to a new relationship.
3. Realize the nature of the love triangle
The third in the relationship of two appears when some of the needs are not satisfied (support, protection, tenderness, sex, money, etc.). And no matter how paradoxical it may sound, the formed "third corner" often helps to save the family that fell into the crisis of relations. Crises in the family life for that and crises, that would make an inventory of feelings, rethink the relationship and prioritize. And this "third extra" is needed just to realize the deficit and try to fill the relationship with the husband with missing feelings and emotions. Perhaps for this you will have to visit a family psychologist. But often it's worth it to give the family a chance to "reborn from the ashes."
4. Bring out "fresh water" a new love
The passion that drives the mind and even the instinct of conservation often makes love stupid, blind and deaf. Fervent feelings interfere with objectively assessing both the person and the situation. And clouding the mind "rose-colored glasses" exaggerate the dignity of a beloved man, and surprisingly reduce his bad qualities right up to extinction. In addition, the aura of ideal happiness is created by the very situation of "stolen" love - rare and such welcome meetings, intrigue and lack of sentiment, as well as lack of commitment, common life and problems that inevitably appear in the new family. Therefore, do not rush to conclusions about true love with a new man, if the relationship has not been experienced in grief and joy.
5. Check the feelings of both men
So sincere love, you can check only by voicing your care, which for men will mean a point in the relationship. A sincerely loving man will accept any choice of a woman, because true love is ignorant of selfishness. He will be able to find the strength to let the woman go where she will be truly happy and be able to survive the pain of what is not with him. And he will not shift the blame and responsibility solely on her shoulders. In the collapse of love is always to blame for both. A husband who values his family will voice his readiness to change and fill the relationship with a new meaning, feelings and emotions. He will do everything to allow the spouse to stay, and if it does, it is only to compare and understand that the best man does not exist. A beloved man, if really ready to create a family, will prove by deed that the risk of a woman is justified and she will never regret the choice made. One of the men who will become blackmailed, take revenge for infringed self-esteem, humiliate and harm, resorting to dirty methods, is not worthy of spending any time, no regrets, not even love.