What is "instillation" - so Eric Berne called that growing sexual feeling, which leads to sexual intercourse? There are many opinions about what excites men and women, and in each of them there is some truth.
For example: "A woman loves ears, and a man - with her eyes." Is not the sight of a naked man getting women?
But apart from the general principles there are also individual differences, so Berne said:
"There are men who are" planted "by means of the female breast, and men who are" planted ", looking at the female legs. Everyone has their own preferences, and some of these elements that are suitable may be sufficient for visual "instinct".
It usually depends on what the mother seemed to the mother when he was at a certain age: either at age 4, when he first began to be interested in the shapes of the body of various women and decided on what kind of woman he would marry; or in 12-14 years, when he felt the first tremors of the awakening of adult sexuality "
And in this case, again, we are faced with the fact that the scenario, laid down in childhood, affects so strongly the fate of a person. And suddenly this role does not suit you, so what can you do, is a person doomed?
No! There are opportunities to influence much in your destiny, and this can help a psychologist.
Of course, sex involves the whole range of human relationships. But how figuratively Bern wrote about sex: "You can enjoy sex alone, both alone and in a group. Sex can be an expression of spiritual intimacy or an attempt to relieve tension, a matter of duty or passion, or even just a way to spend time just to delay the onset of a black day of boredom. After all, boredom - this is the death of the death, leading to her sooner or later all of her victims through illness, accident or suicide. "
Perhaps, for some, their role is to not have sexual relations with someone until he announces to you his obligations towards you. And so you can wait and not wait, you need a reasonable initiative.
All men and women want the same thing - to feel their need, to respect themselves and be loved.
And here your sexual relations are reduced to zero and to the extent that you do not go anywhere, do not discuss serious problems and generally feel that you are not given due attention. You can be sure that you are pulling on yourself the main burden of your relationship, while your partner has chosen a passive role.
- Make a list of what your excessive initiative manifests. And read this list daily to remind yourself of what you should not do.
- Give the opportunity to your partner to prove himself. Wait until your husband rushes to your half of the bed and hugs you.
"But you can wait all night, if there was no proper preparation before that." And also in neglected cases, an extremely cautious initiative.
It is not necessary to constantly fill the relationship without feeling support from a partner. Stopping to fill the emotional emptiness, you, undoubtedly, go to risk. You may find that your partner has nothing to offer you.
Perhaps even realizing, you suddenly realize that they are not at all in love with this particular man.
However, the risk is worth it to go to.
How often a woman has a bad habit of belittling her dignity in front of a man. Before the beloved hides his intellect, abilities, achievements, his brilliance and talents, so as not to frighten him and not to shake his own confidence.
And what did these women achieve: they began to be loved and respected more?
Why work for a man to have a sense of superiority over you would look better than he is. After hiding your dignity, you kill passion in your relationship.
Do not be afraid to be more perfect - men are worried and attracted by brilliance and perfection, not weakness. Men respect women, from whom a sense of self-confidence emanates. Getting used to hide your dignity from men, you, in the end, start to hide them from yourself.
But why are you still obeying a man?
Maybe in order to earn for this love, the love of a martyr for the sake of love. Sacrifice self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem and your life for the sake of deserving, perhaps, the love of a man.
You are naive, it does not happen! And how often all is in vain.
To test this, I recommend the following:
"Letting men treat you the way you would not want your daughters to be treated."
- To protect one's dignity when it is necessary to do it.
- Live in fear of causing disapproval or deserve criticism of a partner.
- Live, satisfied with much less love and attention than you deserve.
People tend to adapt to the environment in which they live.
And often this is not the best, but we will not be able to realize this until the situation has changed.
By mumbling your achievements in the eyes of others, you are less and less aware of them yourself, until gradually you lose your splendor.
And your "hunter" is already looking around.
But here's what you need to do:
- Make a list of your strengths, talents, achievements, merits and just good qualities and, beating it as a resume for the service, imagine your lover. And if you try to attract it and him?
- Try to accept, not to run from compliments. And when you are complimented, take a deep breath and just say: "Thank you!" False modesty has not adorned anyone yet.
Well, if your partner is a loved one, does not feel comfortable with you, brilliant and confident, and does not want it? Then think carefully - is it worth to destroy one single life for the sake of a person who will never understand, appreciate you and with whom you will never be happy?
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