Here marriage and family can be presented as small "closed" groups, and to outsiders in them, of course, "the entrance is forbidden". It remains a fact that in the study of family relations it is difficult to trace what actually caused the conflict situation.
A little reflection, we can conclude that the reasons for which there are family quarrels, no doubt, very much.
A married couple can have no problems in terms of wealth. However, if the spouses do not have a constant flow of positive emotions and a clear certainty that one marriage partner is ready to support everyone else in everything, a conflict is possible. If one spouse can not help and help overcome various life difficulties (even if he does not doubt that the difficulties will be overcome) - this is another help for a serious conflict.
If there is no intimate satisfaction, finally (even if the marriage does not disintegrate), one of the spouses has a lack of vitality, lack of active livelihoods and high performance, creative activity - all this will lead to quarrels in the family with some or other consequences, divorce, as rule. Worse still, there can be no divorce, because, for example, one of the spouses sees in preserving the family their duty to young children, but what kind of family will it be if it does not have harmony and love, understanding and intimacy spouses ...
Whatever the reasons, they all say that the spouses do not have the main thing - satisfaction from marriage, all the completeness of family relationships and getting pleasure from all this.
Let's look at the reasons why family quarrels on intimate grounds often occur. After all, they are often the cornerstone of divorce or the unbearable continuation of a life together.
The first reason is a feeling of inferiority, infringement, one spouse in front of another.
Many conflicts arise on the basis of low self-esteem, own importance, the value of the concept "I am in this world" (do not confuse with the "ego"). Any person will be very worried when the issues of infringement of his personal dignity are touched upon, when he is deprived of respect, when, at last, he is simply treated without any due respect.
When one of the spouses feels jammed, infringed on their half, this will certainly generate a number of negative emotions in the family and to a large extent turn into dissatisfaction, lack of positive feelings between two people. The disadvantage will be observed in the caress, tenderness of the spouses to each other, caring for her (him) and of course in caring and educating their children. Psychological alienation between spouses begins with a low self-esteem of one of the spouses, with critical remarks about the identity of their partner. Thus, family harmony, life stability, self-affirmation is broken and, in contrast, the feeling of uselessness and value for another person grows. These events lead to the fact that in marriage, a person is not capable of asserting himself as a person significant to his partner. Rather, on the contrary, he begins to feel a kind of mental discomfort in his own family, there is a feeling of restraint, insecurity in his actions, not the ability to find a way out of some everyday life (family) situation. He has lost the feeling of support from his wife (wife), and subsequently possible from his surroundings, a sense of solidarity and security.
The husband is often in the position of a person who simply begs or perhaps even begs for intimacy, which of course allows the wife to feel her power over her husband, to ascend to the throne. With such a height of feeling like a "queen", she depending on her mood will either condescend to her husband, making him happy by her decision, or resolutely to stop his "inappropriate" claims.
A man who does not know from all the details of the couple's marital relations (after all, this is an intimate, private life of two people, is not it) is not easy to understand why a spouse who in principle does not really shine neither with the mind nor with the female attractiveness with such disdain looks at his, perhaps much more gifted and talented husband. The sense of self-affirmation, self-worth of a man in such relationships is traumatized from day to day, which gradually reduces the temperature in the family hearth, replaces the warm relations with cold calculation. Of course, such a situation can not last for long, because each of us is unable to accept the situation unpleasant to him endlessly. It will result in a serious marital conflict with the subsequent disintegration of the family.
Another factor of the family quarrel that has arisen on the intimate soil is the appearance of a woman's feelings of disgust towards physical intimacy, and not satisfaction as it should be.
In this case, the conjugal bed is for a woman something like a place of torture. Of course, disgust for the sexual act of the wife is transferred to the husband, who of course needs it. And the spouse lives either with clenched teeth, with a constant feeling of being a victim (for fear of loneliness, a sense of duty to children), or even denies her husband in intimacy. Of course, for the family, the consequences of this situation are again tragic. Such a result will arise even with the physical (and psychological, too) inability of the husband to satisfy his wife.
We can not ignore such a thing as boredom in bed.
It should be dealt with particularly intensively. Remember, a bedroom is not a place for conflict. Understand all disputes in advance.
In addition to this, sex should not be treated as something due (this happens very often even). We draw an analogy. He wanted a snack, opened a refrigerator, made a sandwich in a hurry, washed down tea or soda. No, the analogy here should be pursued with a different concept. Sex should resemble a luxurious candlelight dinner, only in this case the couple will never be bored together.
The dissimilarity of the opinions of men and women, conflicts on intimate grounds, and in everyday marital life - all this is certainly natural and in the most harmonious relations. But in any case, a natural, rational resolution of conflicts can be either kindness or quarrel. What does it mean?
With kindness in family life, the most important thing is the harmony of relationships, while the quarrel is not dominated by truth or good relations, but by the desire to assert oneself, to emerge victorious, that as a result, marriage and the fullness of family life may be preserved. Although we have identified 2 factors contributing to the resolution of marital relations for the better, it should be borne in mind that a quarrel is not fundamentally a solution to the problem, as it will, of course, undermine these relations. The highest morality in the family is precisely the kind "loving" relationships, which are much higher than the position "I am always right, but you are not." The controversial relations only kindle the conflict, but neither do they resolve it. In a family where there is an understanding of such a culture of family life, a long and pleasant married life is possible.
And, nevertheless, if one of the spouses, for the sake of preserving love in the family decided to go the second way - to quarrel, to prove "that I'm right," here we should take advantage of the dispute as a kind of culture, which in principle is capable of resolving the conflict situation. And there is nothing complicated in this. It is necessary, on the one hand, clearly (reasoned, if you want) to express one's opinion without offending the partner by raising his voice, and on the other hand, be able to recognize the rightness of his spouse, to be able to obey this rightness. And at the same time, in no case do you need what is called "go to the person", show your "ego", blame each other or, worse, offend. Spouses should consciously not succumb to negative emotions, even in the process of arguing, show their respect to each other, remember that each of them has the task not to "insist on their own", and to achieve victory in a dispute at any cost, but to come to the truth, those. to a solution that is pleasing to both of them. For this you need to be able to listen to your "debater", strive to understand his position, and, of course, be able to be in his place, listen to your arguments "with his ears," in other words, be a little more attentive to each other.
And the last.
Ask yourself: "What is the happiness of family life, and simple human happiness?"
Perhaps you guessed right, the answer is simple - of course, it is love, trust, tenderness, passion, the realization that you are not useless, but who needs and is able to help other people, receiving help in return. I think everything. Here you can add the material security of the family, the health of the spouses and finally, many, many pleasant moments spent together.
In a shared life, divide everything in half: both grief and joy, because you - two halves of which the person is a full-fledged.