"Paternalistic" approach and methods of raising children for parents implies that parents are big, intelligent, adult knights without fear and reproach, and they should help children. Within the framework of this approach, it is usually advised to simply divide attention among the children equally, not to infringe on the rights of the older child, not to deprive him of the usual benefits - both in terms of communication (read a fairy tale for the night, hold on the handles), and materially (do not demand to give in to the baby toys).
The "ecological" approach implies that the child makes changes to the family as a whole, in some ways changes both the parents and the older baby, necessarily affects the relationships and connections between family members, and everyone needs help and support. This approach suggests making the older child an equal participant in the construction of a new, in fact, a family. In general, this is the most difficult path on which it is difficult to give advice, since an "eco-friendly" family is, above all, individual and collective creativity with an unpredictable final result. However, it is assumed that any tests in this family can be used for the personal growth of all its members individually and in general.
"Authoritarian" style of methods of raising children for parents suggests that the older child lives in the environment created by adults. Accordingly, its task is to adjust and take all decisions of parents as given. Now this model is not "in vogue," but in fact many families exist precisely that way, and it does not always turn out badly: life in a rigid but understandable framework for the child is not difficult before the onset of the transitional age. And then not always the child is overtaken by a strong break-up - much will depend on the circumstances in which the family lives, and the personality traits of the baby.
"Infantile" family implies that decisions for family members are taken by someone else. Grandmothers and grandfathers decide whether they will be able to "pull" one more grandson. Parents often ask the older child "permission" to give birth to a brother or sister, thereby placing some responsibility on him for his own deed.
Many parents believe that a baby who is six months or slightly more is unable to comprehend the news that there will be another child in the family. Therefore, it simply does not inform about what is happening. Mom still plays with him, nothing changes in his life, events develop in their own way, and after a while another baby appears in the house. And in fact: does it make sense to put in front of a half-year-old crumb, look into his eyes and say: "We will soon have another child"?
The "paternalistic" family will say no. The only thing that should be prepared for the baby is the disappearance of the mother for some time (when she will need to go to the hospital). The child should explain that the mother "went for the baby", the main thing - then try to pay enough attention to the older child and with patience and understanding to treat that he can begin to behave like a "baby", demand "sisyu", strive to roll again on the pens, although before that he was more interested in developing toys.
"Eco-friendly" family will try to involve the baby in the process of waiting for a crumb and determine for him other methods of raising children for parents. This type of family respects the idea that even tiny babies understand everything. With a child you need to talk honestly, even when he is in the womb. Therefore, the parents of this warehouse constantly inform the first-born about how his brother grows up, take him with him to the examinations - in a word, they say everything that happens. Supporters of the authoritarian approach will not discuss with the baby "adult" questions. This is their right, but do not forget that the child will not understand the emerging limitations: my mother stopped taking in her arms, the baby is sent to her grandmother for a long time. Not always with this approach between children will be a bad relationship. Strict boundaries do not necessarily lead to alienation. However, the child can misinterpret events around without contacting adults.
"Infantile" family usually seeks simply to obtain material and physical assistance in caring for children during a difficult period of their growth. Quite often the older child is sent to the grandmother shortly before the appearance of the second baby, so that her mother would feel better. In this case, parents should remember that the baby is seriously going through a long separation from his mother, if it is not his usual business.
Tip
When you take the kid on the handles, you can talk to him "in the tummy". The psychoanalytic approach suggests that the older child will not cause jealousy, but on the contrary, it is the constant communication about the baby that will make it easier for him to accept a new member of the family as a given. The main thing is not to overdo it. In all methods of raising children, parents need a golden mean.
Crisis complications
Quite often , the age difference in children is 3-5 years. For an older child this is a rather difficult period in the method of raising children for parents, because he establishes communication with the outside world, but is still dependent on his parents. On the "crisis of three years" everyone heard everything: the kid becomes demanding, willful, often capricious. Addition in the family does not just make him happy, but also gives a "rollback" in development: the kid refuses all his conquests of his age and starts writing in panties, asking for pens, sucking a finger and making scandal so that the second child is urgently "given back."
Can this be prevented?
"Paternalistic" approach and methods of raising children for parents suggest that it is possible to prevent and smooth problems, but in the event that the firstborn will have enough attention and care. Parents are advised to do everything possible so that the hardships of pregnancy as little as possible hurt the interests of the baby, so that mom would deal with him, communicate, play. The child is informed that in the tummy his brother grows, that they can then play together. Often the child is led to the idea that he wants a brother or sister, a partner for games and fun, and then persuaded to wait out a period, while he is still small and not interested.
"Eco-friendly" family lives pregnancy together. A three-year-old is considered quite old enough to understand what is happening. He is informed of pregnancy from the very beginning, told that his mother can be hard and bad, they teach to be careful with her, not only "consuming" her attention, but also helping: for example, to cuddle up to her mother when she wants to lie down , something to give, bring, receiving as a reward of gratitude. In this family, the future baby is rarely painted in rainbow colors, warns the elder that he can cry, will always be with his mother, but at the same time tell how the infancy of the firstborn passed, explain that the newborn is helpless, afraid of everything, can do nothing by himself , so he really needs help from his family. The older child can be offered, if he wants, something to do for the future brother: choose a suit in the store, draw a picture, think how he could take care of it. They explain that the baby will be a mom-papin, just as the mother belongs to the father and children, that is, the community of the family, interdependence, and need for each other are emphasized in every way.
In an "authoritarian" family, an older child may seem like a burden and a hindrance at such a young age. Quite often he is forbidden to show negative feelings towards the newborn. If the baby says that he does not want any brothers, they do not discuss this topic with him, but they shame or even scold him. Sometimes he sees a threat: the fact that he is behaving badly or climbing to his mother's hands, he can hurt the baby. The child is fairly abruptly pulled back, requires from him "adult" behavior and such similar methods of raising children for parents. This is a rather dangerous strategy, because of which the baby's self-esteem falls, and a negative attitude is formed to the future baby, although the child may not realize it, driving deep into the subconscious.
In the "infantile" family, the child's reactions are completely allowed to go by themselves: it goes on and on, but the kid is often told that he is very, very fond of and occasionally spoiled with some "holiday of life." There is nothing wrong with this, and quite often children in such families, if they are not sent to grandparents, are rather friendly to the future crumb. If a child by nature has a flexible mind and a quick adaptation to everything new, everything will be wonderful.
Tip
Psychologists recommend authoritarian families to follow a rather "paternalistic" way and methods of raising children for their parents, so as not to injure the older child.
Game of strategy
In relations with older children, the parent strategies do not differ much from those described above. And each of them has its logical continuation, when the crumb is already born. The main danger is not to overload the older child with care for the younger. To use it as a nanny and to subordinate his life to caring for a baby in addition to his desire is wrong, this causes aggression and legitimate protest: "I did not ask you to give birth to him."
Try to raise the attention of an older child to the way a child treats him, explain how much a big brother or sister can give him, and this will be a good school of life, love and patience for him. And no matter how old your child is, do not require him to be "perfect" and "loving" without reservations. He has the right to be angry at the crumbs for the changes in his life - better discuss it, and do not drive inside so that between children there is no alienation.
Fact
According to psychologists, the optimal age difference between children in one family is 4 years. Before this age, children feel unprotected and abandoned at the slightest weakening of attention to them.
What is the parent, whose children were born one after another? For many families, the answer is in two words: it's chaos. By the end of the day, a woman is knocked down! Constantly have to entertain both. To prepare and feed the dinner of the elder, the younger one has to be put in his backpack on his chest. And such a carousel until one of them falls asleep first.
Or maybe this option. One child is older than another for only 15 months. They are quite happy, they play together, they have a real friendship. The elder had not yet developed a sense of jealousy by this time. He simply does not remember himself without a second baby and does not understand how it can be otherwise.
In the end, when you have another child, it's up to you and your partner to decide. About one thing, do not forget: whenever he or she is born, they bring with them not only disorder, vanity, sleepless nights, but also joy.
Invite the older child to come up with a name for the younger one. Psychologists believe that this trick can do wonders. But even if the name is chosen by you, make sure that your first child likes it, because it is important for him to know that his opinion is being listened to "in addition, it will subsequently affect the relationships of children
And do I need a second child?
Nevertheless, for some families, when there are two parents, it does not exist, but another one arises: is it worth it? Here are a few topics that you need to discuss with your loved one before you plunge into this pool. What kind of atmosphere do you want in the house? Calm and serene? Calculate how this picture will fit the second child. Assess your physical and emotional resources. Is it enough? The couple should foresee that with the advent of "baby number two" the first heat, caresses, attention and toys will not be required less, rather, vice versa. Both will have to help the firstborn survive this transitional period in his life. Money also matters. Count up if you are able to have a second child. Diapers, clothes, everyday expenses, school, institute ... Think! It's your decision.
Fact
By the age of 3, the child begins to develop independence and realize his importance in the life of his parents. He understands that they love him and will always love him.
When to give birth to a baby
If you read this material, then you already have a second baby. Or he ... in the plans. There is no optimal age difference, it all depends on the nature and temperament - both the first and the second baby ... The second one needs to be given birth, when the first goes to school: and he will help with the lessons, and sit with the baby!
Fact
The less change in the habitual way will the appearance of the second child, the better. This is not the worst option and the methods of raising children for parents, it conserves the child's psyche, causes a minimum of aggression against the baby, as a rule, everything is by itself "razrulivaetsya."