Now he much more often hears from the elders the word "impossible", and if he disobeys, he can even get a pope. This is a difficult period in the life of the child, and it is even more complicated if parents behave inconsistently: today - they forbid, tomorrow - they are allowed. The kid does not understand why he "can not", and the older brother and parents "can." And in general, why often it turns out that it is pleasant, interesting - forbidden, but what "can" and "need" - quite the contrary?
The kid, of course, tries to protest as he can: he is capricious, does not obey, breaks toys, "avenges" his brother - this is child psychology ... How can we find the golden mean here, in order not to break the forming personality excessively and at the same time not indulge , not to allow all permissiveness? In order not to get confused in this complex educational problem, it is worth taking into account several important points.
Prohibitions apply to all family members, including adults. If you can not put your finger in the socket, you can not all, because it is dangerous for life. Prohibitions are extremely strict and require rigorous implementation. Before announcing bans to the child, their list should be discussed among themselves by adult members of the family. If the prohibitions respect all, this will once again show the child that he is as full a member of society (family) as his close people.
Restrictions apply to a particular person in a specific time period and, in order to avoid complications, require precise implementation. For example, a mother can use a sharp knife, turn on the gas on the stove, so she can do it. Baby has not learned yet, which means that these household items are under strict restriction for him.
However, the requirements and prohibitions do not exclude the possibility of knowledge: the child must know how adults work with a dangerous subject. Show him what a sharp knife, how well he cuts off breads, but at the same time explain that you can cut yourself with a knife and it will be very painful. It is important for a child to know and believe that restrictions, unlike prohibitions, are only temporary "not allowed" while he is small. So, yearlings can not take matches and connect to the network of technology, but his brother-schoolboy is already able to accurately insert the plug into the outlet or preheat lunch, and he can do it.
The list of prohibitions and restrictions should not be very large. If the kid now and then will hear: "Do not touch it, do not take it, it's dangerous, it's not for you," he is unlikely to tolerate this. To change his unfair position in the house, he will secretly take both matches and a knife, and insert plugs into sockets, etc. In fact, the adults themselves provoke him to expose themselves to dangers. In addition, resorting to permanent prohibitions, adults actually create around the baby a "dangerous space" in which he simply will not be able to grow and develop normally. Staying in a stressful situation and a constant sense of fear can lead to the development of psychological complexes in the child.
To avoid this, try to reduce the number of prohibitions and restrictions to a reasonable minimum. Do you think that this is impossible? Then I advise you to do the following. Write on the sheet of paper all the restrictions and prohibitions to which you unsuccessfully try to teach your child. And now divide them into three parts:
1. Restrictions for the sake of its safety.
2. Restrictions so that you are not afraid for the safety of family property.
3. Restrictions dictated by the personal desire of adults to feel more free, more relaxed, more confident.
Point one - this is the minimum "can not", the observance of which must be sought from the child. On the second point, your life experience will certainly tell you how to neutralize a small fidget, so that he does not break an expensive little vase, did not remove the computer monitor from the table, grabbing the cord, did not throw all the linen out of the closet on the floor ... The lockers - key, higher. If there are no locks on the doors, an adhesive tape will work. Vase, perfume, cosmetics, etc., temporarily remove from sight. And so on. To protect the child from injuries and dangers, while reducing the number of strict taboos, you can (and sometimes just need) the same way. Never leave in the accessible places all the stabbing and cutting objects, matches, lighters, medicines, household chemicals, vinegar, etc. Boil the kettle on a distant burner. Used an iron - it also remove from sin away, until it has cooled.
As for the third point, adults, of course, have the right to privacy, quiet rest, free time, despite the fact that the kid and strives to fill all of your living space. Just do not forget about this truth: the freedom of one is the restriction of the freedom of another. If you demand complete silence from the child while watching your favorite TV series, he does not think it's fair. But if the mother is tired, went to bed for an hour, then, of course, the child must be explained that it is impossible to make a noise yet.
Introduce a number of requirements and prohibitions for the child gradually, voicing not more than one per day. And it should be done exactly when the baby began to show interest. Here he is very interested in a rosette - tell me that there lives a current that does not like very much when his fingers are thrust into his burrow and can "bite". He paid attention to the gas stove, reaches for the shiny hands - it's time to talk about the danger of gas and fire. But do not frighten the child, only talk about real threats. Do not hide from the child that it hurts and he will cry, but you can not scare doctors with injections - you will suffer if you really have to inject him in the future. And do not lie, that someone will get out of the outlet and go to a dark forest. The kid is not that to the outlet, he will be afraid to enter the room.
Try to avoid the word "impossible" and the particles "not", which initially carry a negative message. In addition, up to a certain stage the brain of the child does not perceive the particle "not" and the mother's words acquire for him an absolutely opposite meaning (instead of "do not take" - "take", "do not climb" - "climb", etc.). It is advisable to replace them with other revolutions. For example, "you can not touch the stove" replace with "touching the slab is dangerous", but "do not climb on the table, you will fall!" replace the "high table, and if you climb on it, you can fall!". In addition, try not to adjust the child initially to a negative development of events, because statements like "you fall, hit, you will break, etc." in fact, they are already talking about the fact that only something has remained that will come true.
The child's life in a dense network of prohibitions and restrictions will not be of use. According to children's psychology, the requirements and prohibitions not only can develop a lot of complexes in the baby, but also completely destroy him, as a person. Try to find the golden mean to save him not only health, but also a sense of happiness and joy.