Civil marriage, in the understanding of Wikipedia, is a marriage union registered and registered in the relevant state power bodies, and in the public (conversational) all the way vice versa, unregistered relations are called a civil marriage. Withdrawing men into pure water, we will talk about civil marriage as unofficial, "not stamped" relationships.
What is a civil marriage for a man?In the conditions of our mentality, in most cases, civil marriage becomes the norm for women with low self-esteem and men who do not bother with great responsibility. Why does this happen in terms of psychology? A woman who accepts conditions of civil marriage, a priori agrees to be content with small. And if she does not agree, she must insist or, at least, declare such a need. The man understands that this is her vision of the family, and he either respects the position of the beloved and marries, or breaks off the relationship. If a woman patiently tolerates and waits, when a man deigns to invite her to the crown, then, afraid of losing it and not ready to refuse. For men who prefer to live comfortably, but without obligations, this is a signal that one can not strain, and so will go away if a woman allows herself to do this to herself.
Such a man suits everything. Why should he bother himself with this wedding crochet and communicate with his hands and feet if:
- A woman agrees with him to live on his terms.
- The society has lowered the moral standard and is loyal to unregistered marriages.
- Sex, food, clean clothes and a cozy home are accompanied by a pleasant bonus on a regular basis.
- The absence of official obligations and freedom remain its legal right, if something goes wrong or gets bored.
How do men think with experience of civil marriage?Eugene, 21, student, civil marriage experience 4 years.
"With my ex-girlfriend, we began to live together when we were 17 years old. They were students, they lived in my apartment, they established a life and called themselves a family. Everything was new, I liked it very much, my friends envied me. And for them, our peers, it was also a novelty. But then the guys from our company, changing girls almost every week, began to ask if I was bored with the same? Do not you want to walk up and taste sexual freedom? I, too, was puzzled by this question, and now I myself began to envy the independence of my friends. In general, the relationship, which I sincerely believed the family, quickly exhausted itself. "
Psychologist's comment: For a young man, it's natural to gain experience and learn about yourself in a relationship, learn to share space and respect the wishes of another. This practice of family life is priceless, and yet most of the young "civil" families call it bitter experience.Pavel, 25 years old, a programmer, civil marriage experience of 5 years.
"Our relationship is due to my perseverance. I beat off my girlfriend from another guy. He conquered her with romantic deeds, looked after her beautifully and persistently. My parents gave us their apartment, but they did not recognize the girl as their mistress and did not allow her to solve the main household issues. Over time, they managed to settle the doubts in me, even though the civil wife was already trying on my name. I began to be afraid that she would become pregnant and I would have to marry. I was also the initiator of parting. She suffered, and I just "went free." A year later I married another girl. With her I did not want freedom. "
Psychologist's comment: Freedom is the most precious thing a man has. But if he genuinely loves a woman, he is afraid of losing and understands that while he tries on, a more vulgar man will find her and marry, then no, even the most authoritative influence from the outside, will not be able to stop him.Sergei, 40, an auto mechanic, is married.
"My girlfriend and I were married after the birth of our son, and not because the child should grow up in a legal relationship, but because the stamp in the passport allowed him to participate in the housing program" Young Family ". There was no other need for official status either in me or in my wife. The fact that I want to take care of her and our children, I understood from the first date. And if a man does not want to be responsible for the family and take obligations, then no registration of it will do that. "
Psychologist's comment: Indeed, the stamp in the passport does not give any moral guarantees, but simplifies some legal issues. And yet, as practice shows, even the men most interested in long-term relationships lose interest to the informal family if the registration of marriage does not take place within 2-3 years.
conclusionsAll the common reasons that allegedly justify civil marriage can be challenged:
- It is necessary to check compatibility (in sex, life, fidelity). Even people compatible in all respects have conflicts. Without them, it is impossible to build a strong family.
- We must first "stand up", then get married. Statistics prove that family relations provide a more solid foundation (support, participation, help, incentive) for success, than moving to it alone.
- The stamp in the passport is a convention. Perhaps, but it is more than an open relationship, it disciplines and teaches responsibility. And for many girls, the stamp is still the only acceptable way to create a family.
- Relatives do not approve of the choice. The opinion of relatives is always important, but if a man can not defend his love, then can it be expected that he will be able to defend his family in front of other difficulties?
- Marriage spoils love. Some men think that immediately after the wedding, the princess will turn into a "frog", because the goal is achieved, he is ringed and fascinated now is not necessary. However, if the Tsarevich is not a Fool, then next to him the princess will want to become a queen.