As you know, throughout his life a small person is experiencing several serious crises. All parents know firsthand about the crisis of one year, the crisis of three years, the difficult adaptation to the kindergarten and school. And, perhaps, nothing can compare with the number of anxieties and fears with the expectation of parents of adolescence.
The parents' worries about this are not at all groundless. The mass information media is full of stories about alterations, into which adolescents fall. The magnet magnet attracts those who yesterday were obedient mother's son's daughter, changing them beyond recognition, sowing discord and quarrels in families. Even the most "positive" children become vulnerable to the herd instinct. The authority of the adult rapidly falls, and the gap between the parents and the childbecomes insurmountable. How to survive and properly build relationships with his child in this difficult, but very important period of his life? How to lose confidence in each other and make this time something that will rally the family even more? Is it possible to protect your child from the negative influence of the street?
So, the first: we recognize that our child has grown and the period of active search for his own self and his path in this life has come. The time of submissive obedience and fulfillment of our demands has irretrievably gone. It is foolish to expect from teenage-minute subordination, he no longer wants and can not follow us. It's time to take independent steps. The best thing we can do in this situation is to show him that we fully trust him. So, we give him just as much freedom as he needs. To make this difficult step is important first of all because adolescence is the time of transition from childhood with its total parental care and full security to adulthood, with its unexpected, sometimes steep turns, unfair, and sometimes cruel rules and laws. And if we want our child to find himself and eventually become a self-sufficient adult, we must allow him to learn this. In this way, independent errors are inevitable. But it is they who, if they are prepared to be patient, will take our child out of the whirlpool of trouble in the right direction.
Step two: take the right position. To properly identify it, you need to know some basic needs of any teenager. During the transition period for a child, the need for membership in a non-social community of people increases, which, in his opinion, lives an independent life, has its own rules and laws. For a teenager, peer opinion of himself becomes an incredibly important moment. Therefore, he seeks to win recognition in the chosen company by any means. The desire to "be one's own" is so strong that it often makes one critical of reality. Here the help of the adult is important. But do not rush. Methods of instructive conversation and moralizing will be ineffective. It is also worthwhile to refrain from any value judgments, especially negative ones, against the new company of your child. Respect his choice. It is best to demonstrate a calm, thoughtful attitude, asking the child questions about what exactly attracts him to a particular company, what he is looking for, what he is getting, and what he is losing. The conversation should be conducted in a relaxed atmosphere.
And, finally, the third. All that your child does in this difficult period for you is reduced to one simple thing - he is looking for himself. This search is exhausting and painful for the teenager himself. He breaks away from his parents, striving for independence, but inevitably falls into the network of a different, sometimes more terrible dependence - streets, older comrades, a certain company. And only realizing their true needs, the teenager finds himself and takes his place of an out-of-the-ordinary life. Make the right choice, find the answers to all the questions he will have himself. But if he knows that there are those who will accept and understand his position, the chances for a successful outcome increase hundreds of times.