And today - listen - he has already begun to build conscious phrases, to reason intelligently and comment on everything that happens to him and around him. Parents are happy, they hastily teach him to correctly pronounce sounds and build phrases. Moreover, they immediately teach him to tell the truth. The truth and nothing but the truth. Because a lie is terrible, it will not lead to anything good, the secret always becomes obvious. This is instilled into every child from early childhood. He spoke - be kind, tell the truth. What to do when your child is lying, and how to help him?
The cycle of lies
It would seem, explaining to the child that it is not good to lie, we, adults, are doing everything right. But for some reason we do not admit - not only to children, but to ourselves - that in life it's practically impossible to do without lying. Whether we like it or not, it is the "varnishing of reality" that helps us to exist in this reality. People lie constantly: face to face, speaking on the radio and on TV, verbally and in writing, in public and in an intimate conversation. People lie to parents and children, spouses, friends, colleagues, bosses, subordinates and even casual fellow travelers. And also, of course, to ourselves. Unless her dog, perhaps, does not lie, it is not suitable for this - understands too few words. Psychologists have calculated that an ordinary person, a resident of a large city, constantly in contact with others, for the day says a lie on average forty times. I agree with them and Dr. House, the hero of the cult series. "They're all lying!" He says, and that's the truth.
I go while I'm lying
The most common kind of lies is a lie for salvation. It is pronounced in the name of love, family, friendship, self, at last. Psychologists believe that the goal of a liar can be either the attainment of some goal, or an attempt to avoid undesirable consequences. The husband praises the new blouse of his wife, which, to put it mildly, does not quite go, the wife thanks for a completely unnecessary juicer given by her husband to her birthday ... Everybody is happy, the family has peace and quiet. Another common cause of the lie is a complexion when a person in any way wishes to attract the views of others and begins to attribute to himself non-existent merits. The reason for such childish lies in childhood is hidden: instead of praising a person, he was babbling since infancy, setting an example for someone else who sang louder, jumped higher or answered better. It's not right to lie, but it's impossible to lie. But if you really want your child to lie as little as possible, praise him and nurture his self-esteem and high self-esteem. A strong, confident person lies much less often.
Since childhood
Children's lies are one of the most researched by psychologists, but no one has managed to cope with it yet. Many scientists generally believe that it is useless to deal with children's lies. First of all, because we ourselves give the children such an example - we are insincere, we keep silent or openly lie, hiding our true feelings and thoughts. Our "good manners" - this is often nothing more than a covert form of lies. So the ability to dodge and tell lies does appear in some children almost simultaneously with the mastery of speech - at the age of two. If the child has informed you that jam from a can was eaten by his teddy bear, do not panic. The ability to invent such a weighty reason is a sign of rapidly developing brain activity. And the more colorful are the images and excuses in childish lies, so, scientists believe, the child's intellect is higher developed. That is, it turns out, you need to rejoice, and not grieve - the child grows clever! After all, what is a lie? This is a fantasy with a benefit for yourself. The child very quickly need to get together and come up with a plausible plot with all the details. A great exercise in developing imagination and logic! So they exercise as they can. Hardly having started to speak, in two years, already about 20% of children strive to tell untruth, by three years this indicator reaches 50%, and to four incarnates already every ninth. True, up to six years old children themselves often believe in the truth of their fantasies and are not always able to tell the truth from what they have invented.
On the blue eye
The most insidious age is 8-9 years: in one or another situation it is capable of lying, and quite consciously - almost every child. They do this, they say, on the blue eye, they lie purposefully to get some benefit or to shield themselves or their friends. No matter how cynical it sounds, but to demand from the child total veracity is not worth it at all. This is an unattainable goal, and it is unlikely that you yourself will like the result of such education. It is important that falsity does not become a pathological trait of character. The child corrected the deuce in the diary of the top five. Caught literally by the hand - but no, he persists: "This was done by the teacher, she was mistaken!" Why not admit? It is clear why, - afraid of punishment. Let him know that you were much more upset than this unfortunate deuce, which, after all, can be rectified honestly, but that he resorted to deception. Deceives - it means he does not trust. Think for yourself if you are not too strict towards it. That the child does not lie because of fear of punishment, never shout at him and do not threaten.
Trick me
So let's face it. One of the main problems in the relationship between "fathers and children" is the habit of the latter to be cunning and dodging. Learn to do it so that you are not exposed, all children try. And especially gifted it comes from infancy. Meanwhile, our task is to bring young vergers to clean water. On the one hand, then, to still be aware of the true events of their life, and on the other - let's admit ourselves - that, having grown up, they did it more skillfully. How can you understand that the child is lying to you? Agree, lies are a kind of work. Trying to freeze the head of the interlocutor, the liar tenses and worries. It changes the pulse rate, the rhythm of breathing, pressure, body temperature and motor activity. That is why liars betray themselves by turning, stuttering, saying broken phrases, wheezing or, conversely, raising the timbre of the voice, coughing, yawning, licking their lips, fingering everything that comes to hand, shrugging their shoulders, clasping their palms and laying them in front of them on the table, hide their hands under the table, smooth their hair, scratch their noses, pinch their earlobes. But even if your child is seen only in one thing, there is reason to doubt the veracity of his words! And yet, do not worry when you caught your child in a lie. He just grew up and became the same as we are with you ...
Mobile lie
It's hard to lie to a man, looking into his eyes. In writing, this is also not so simple - you know, you can not cut an ax. Studies conducted by Jeff Hancock of Cornell University (USA) showed that 14% of the lies are in e-mail, 21% - in sms, 27% in simple communication and 37% in telephone conversations. In fact, a person with a strong intuition in such cases feels some kind of dirty trick, he hears that the daughter's voice informing about the unexpected control, which she should prepare with her friends day and night, suddenly became higher than usual or, conversely, became hoarse. Or that the son suddenly began speaking in scrappy phrases unusual to him, ... however, most parents can easily buy a telephone lie.