Carry out such an experiment: write in one column the words denoting positive emotions (joy, smile, health ...), and in the other - negative (sadness, resentment, anger, guilt ...). And now look how much the second column will be bigger. Most likely - two or three times. Scientists have calculated that 80% of what an average person thinks is negative. Every day most of us scroll in the head of more than 45 000 negative thoughts. In this case, most often we do not even notice that we think about the bad. These thoughts became automatic.
Surviving anxious?
In remote cave times, a person had to pay more attention to negative events than positive. Survived just those who were reinsured, who inflated the elephant from the molehill. Those who felt relaxed and frivolous toward life simply did not have time to have children - because they were eaten by animals. So we are all descendants of hypertensive people.
Today there are no saber-toothed tigers and our volcano is not threatened by the volcanic eruption. But we continue to pay more attention to negative emotions than positive ones. Imagine: you came to work in a new dress. Most of the colleagues lavished compliments on you. And only one wicked one said something like: "Did not you have a tipchik?" What will you think about dozens of good reviews or about one bad thing? Most likely, the wicked will bring to nothing all the high spirits. Psychologists call this "negative bias": all bad things stick to us, and the good slips away.
Everyday negative experiences cause in a man a splash of hormones "fight or flight." But unlike our primitive ancestor, we can not afford to fight or run away. As a result, chemical stress products accumulate in the body, causing inexplicable fatigue and disease.
Happy to become or be born?
American psychologists conducted an interesting study: they studied the state of people who won a large sum of money in the lottery. Yes, at first the joy of the lucky ones was beyond limit. But a year later they felt no better than winning. It's amazing, but the same thing happened to people who were paralyzed. About a year later, most of them adjusted to their condition and felt psychologically no worse than before the illness. That is, each of us has a certain level of happiness, whatever events occur in our life. Scientists dealing with this problem have found out that 50% of our ability to feel happiness depends on heredity. 10% is due to circumstances (level of well-being, personal life, self-realization). And the remaining 40% depends on our daily thoughts, feelings and actions. That is, in principle, any of us can become almost twice as happy, simply by changing the way of thinking. And the first step on the way to this is getting rid of negative emotions.
The habit of complaining about life
Scientists have calculated that the average person complains up to 70 times a day! We are unhappy with work, weather, children and parents, the government and the country in which we live. And constantly looking for someone to report on their gloomy thoughts. All this sway the nervous system and does not lead anywhere. If this energy and for peaceful purposes! No, of course, you can share with someone your feelings - even negative ones - and thereby ease tension. But you will agree, quite often, when you talk and talk endlessly about how you were offended, how everything is bad around, you just wind yourself up. And the trifling situation grows to the size of a world tragedy. As a result, not only do you feel depressed, but you also attract new negative events. Are you complaining about lack of money, loneliness, boss attacks? This is what will increase in your life. However, any, even hardened habit can be changed in 21 days.
How to cope with problems ?
- Every time you catch yourself wanting to cry to someone in the waistcoat, drop 1 ruble into the coin box. The money accumulated for 21 days, give to charity.
- This method was suggested by the American pastor Will Bowen. He gave each of his parishioners a purple bracelet and asked each time, if desired, to complain about life to take it off and put it on the other hand. Thus, a person could track how often he complains, and restrain his impulses.
- Focus on solving the problem. Think: how much on a ten-point scale you are unhappy with the situation? What are the vague signs that the situation is changing? Describe the first smallest steps that you can take to change the situation. And start acting.
Peace be with you
The second group of thoughts, which automatically makes us unhappy, is the search for the guilty. In 1999, researchers from two American universities found that people who blamed others for the accidents that had occurred to them 8-10 months ago, recovered much more slowly than those who directed all the forces to recovery. Unfortunately, very much in our life pushes us to look for the guilty. Even psychologists who point to the mistakes of our parents, teachers, spouses, who have influenced ostensibly our destiny. However, this does not make our life better. Only when a person takes responsibility for his destiny and solves problems himself, his best years come.
How to make life better?
- Any situation that has arisen in life, consider as a change for the better. Remember the proverbs: "What God does is for the better", "There would be no happiness, but misfortune helped." Whichever position you are in, say to yourself: "Perhaps now I do not see any pluses. But they certainly are. And soon I will find out about it. "
- If someone has offended you, sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, imagine all that has happened, as on a television screen. Think about what kind of events you might take responsibility for. Maybe you yourself involuntarily provoked this situation? Or intuition told you that you should not do this, but you did not listen to it? Or maybe these are your words and actions aggravated the conflict? Think about what lessons you could learn from what happened to cope with problems and remain calm. Ask yourself: if it is a gift of fate, then what is it?
Make peace with yourself
Remember how many times you scolded yourself with the last words. What kind of accusations did not they make? But constantly experiencing a sense of guilt is as bad as looking for the guilty. Again and again going back to those scenes that cause you feelings of guilt or shame, you spend a lot of energy for nothing.
There are many ways to reconcile with yourself. This is where it will be useful to tell someone who treats you well, about the deed that torments you. This is the basis for the effect of confession - narrative helps to release pain. But it is not worth repeating your story more than three times, otherwise the guilt will turn into self-pity. To accept oneself is to heal and live.
How to make mistakes?
In a situation where you abuse yourself, the meditation of forgiveness, offered by the psychologist Alexander Sviyash, is very helpful: "I forgive myself with a feeling of love and gratitude and accept myself as God created me. I want to ask for forgiveness for a lot of negative thoughts and emotions in relation to myself and my life. " These words need to be repeated until a feeling of warmth and peace appears in the soul. Only in this way you will manage to cope with the problems - to remain calm and to love everything that surrounds you around.