A woman or a man, in a natural desire to please others, try to make a good impression on the new person at the first meeting. At the same time, they do not even suspect that the impression of them is formed in a matter of seconds. In order to make the right impression on a person, we are given no more than 15 seconds.
What exactly needs to be done in the first 15 seconds of communication in order to achieve the so-called "accession"? "THE RULES OF THREE PLUSES" is the foundation for successful joining to the interlocutor, which states that for quick and effective contact, you need to know and carry out three main actions.
Three pluses - SMILE, NAME and COMPLEMENT.
SMILE
Mimicry and movement are the very first means of communication between mother and baby. Thanks to mimicry, our speeches are given liveliness, imagery, clarity and expressiveness. Mimicry is more reliable evidence of the true motives, intentions and thoughts of man, rather than his words, which can easily lie.
An honest, open smile will always express the person's good intentions and testify to the absence of secret evil intentions, aggressive aspirations. A smile is subconsciously perceived by either of us as a manifestation of kindness and concern, trust and sympathy.
Have you ever tried to smile at a passerby? Most likely, a passer-by will also respond with a smile. Sometimes there is another: in response to your smile, a passer-by looks away or is clearly puzzled. The reason for this lies either in the unnaturalness of your smile, or in the problems with this person's psyche. Sincere smile can warm the soul of even the most hard-boiled and closed person, a smile disarms. Smile is an external manifestation of experienced positive emotions. It can soften unpleasant experiences and restore psychological balance. Sing the praises of a smile and you can ad infinitum. But how to make yourself smile, if your heart is bad, and the people around you are not happy at all?
Try to find in the appearance of a person something interesting, curious, maybe even comic.
If this does not work out, practice with yourself. Take the mirror and at home, in front of the mirror try to make some funny grimaces. Remember the last favorite anecdote and again look at yourself in the mirror. The difference compared to an artificial grimace is observed?
Try playing with your family or friends in a game that some call "peepers." Participants in the game (two) occupy seats opposite each other and, looking into the eyes of the enemy, try to make him laugh. The loser is the one who first laughs. It is possible to hold whole tournaments in "peepers".
Smile! Do not forget only about the words of Baron Munchausen: "Laughter prolongs life for those who laugh, but for those who are sharp-cuts ...".
NAME
The second "plus" rule of successful communication at the first contact is NAME. The impact of the pronounced (or written) name on its bearer is not yet fully understood. However, in any case, it is quite obvious that the pronounced name acts on the depths of the human subconscious and in a fantastic way changes its state in a matter of a fraction of a second. For any of us, the name is the sweetest word he knows. This word was uttered tens of thousands of times by the gentle and loving lips of the mother. Therefore, we have a reflex association of something of our own, our own, when our name is pronounced. An incomprehensible sense of involvement makes us instantly react to our name, uttered by anyone, whenever and wherever.
Example.
Try to compare the state of a person who is referred to by name from the state of the same person, unless you name it, for example: 1.- Natasha, wait ... 2.- Hey! Wait...
It is enough to put yourself in the place of this person and imagine how they turn to you, so that you can clearly feel these conditions.
We respond positively to our name even when the interlocutor speaks badly about us. Remember the "bearded joke"? A pedestrian passes a busy street in the wrong place. About him, a chic car stops. From the window of the car the head of the "new Russian" peeks out and says irritably: "And for you, the goats, there the passage was built !!!". The pedestrian, returning home, says: "And these" new Russians ", it turns out, are good guys - one stopped today, turned to me for" you ", and even knows my surname" Kozlov "from somewhere !!!"
The name is a symbol of the person's importance, a sign of the identity of his personality. Let's remember this when we communicate.
COMPLIMENT
In psychology and compliment belongs to the category of "stroking." You do a "pleasant stroking" to the interlocutor, to which he unconsciously is obliged to respond in the same way as to "repay the debt." Will your "stroking" be accepted - it depends on the circumstances (place, time, context, the nature of "stroking"). It is appropriate or not appropriate to "stroking", as you understand, depends only on you personally, that is, on your ability to choose a place, position, moment, form of compliment, reason. All this, in turn, will depend to a large extent on your observation, resourcefulness, relaxedness and preparedness.
At first glance, it always seems to us that there is nothing easier than to compliment the interlocutor. But only after saying a compliment and seeing a minute of indignation, confusion, embarrassment, awkwardness or a wall of indifference, we begin to feel that we have done something wrong ... We see that we made some mistake, and the way to the heart of the interlocutor for us now closed. Most often we make the following mistakes:
1. We make a direct compliment to an unfamiliar or unfamiliar person.
Imagine that a stranger on the street says to you: "Oh, what an interesting man you are!" or "Girl, you are so beautiful!".
Compliment, said in the forehead discouraging, testifies to the unceremonious and ill-mannered. In the depths of his heart, he might even like the addressee, but because of the all-seeing eye of social norms, the recipient simply rejects you publicly. Further contact seems unlikely, so this compliment is appropriate only for a well-known person. In this case, it will be difficult even to overdo it with epithets.
2. We make a compliment artificially, far-fetched, because "we need to make a compliment at all costs."
It does not matter what you say at the same time. The interlocutor with his subconscious mind will immediately feel the whole falsity of what is happening, and if there is no trust, then there is no further contact. Such a compliment will be perceived as a mockery.
3. We make a compliment untimely, without reliance on the reality and state of the interlocutor.
When the desire to make a compliment turns into an obsession, almost completely lost control of the situation. We no longer see obvious signals: a person is worried or in a hurry, or is afraid, or is carried away by an interesting (and therefore important for him) occupation.
In spite of everything, we "impose" this society on our society, our communication, our "flat jokes" and "primitive compliments." In this situation, we, as it were, make a compliment for ourselves, and not for the interlocutor. Success in this situation is also unlikely, since your interlocutor is unlikely to interest you, as well as your problems and thoughts. An exception can only be made by skilful use of the "situation of the interlocutor", i.e. "joining" due to an indirect compliment.
One of the most effective means of "stroking" is the so-called "indirect compliment." This is when we express sympathy, praise, admiration not about himself, but positively assessing the situation, mood, people, objects and other things that have direct or indirect relation to him. A man, seeing a charming girl walking a dog (of any breed), exclaimed admiringly: "Oh, what a dog! You can be stupid! .. And what does he know? And how is this breed called? I would like the same ... but there is no one to consult. .. "and the like.
The person, having appeared in the office of the director of a certain company, dreamily exhaled: "How nice you are here! It's warm and cozy ... and all in a tone, with taste." Of course, in such a company it's probably interesting to work ... " .
In each specific situation, a new compliment can be born. Look around you! After all, the world around us is full of different objects (animate and inanimate). None of the items are neither bad nor good. This our consciousness makes them so. Praise a person who has on his desk a pile of magazines, photographs, souvenirs and other items, for the creative atmosphere in this office. Do not hesitate to express admiration to a man who is clean in his office, as in the operating room, and there is nothing superfluous for the dedication and discipline in his organization. If you sincerely want to find good in the style of life or work of the interlocutor - you will find it. Then there will be no problems with the compliment.
Practical exercise: after seeing any object, try to find praise to its probable owner. Write the idea in a special notebook under the section "Indirect compliments to the owners of things around us." Try to collect two or three hundred such records, and you will feel how easy it becomes to make compliments.
According to psychologists, one of the most emotional and memorable compliments is the so-called "Minus Plus" compliment.
The essence of this compliment is that you, at first, as if a little criticize a person for non-essential things. The interlocutor strains, begins to worry a little about this omission and the likelihood that you will leave with your opinion. But at this moment you say a compliment, which is a hundred times more significant. The interlocutor rejoices. Such a compliment is valid for one hundred percent if the first "minus" is significantly weaker than the second "plus". The guaranteed impact of this compliment is explained by the very nature of the human psyche, the very mechanism of its work.