It's horrible. She is young and beautiful, she is confident in her own rightness and in a good attitude towards herself from your husband. She continually criticizes you in public, comments on your every move and generally behaves extremely defiantly. And you are not allowed to expose the nudger to the door, or to forbid her to appear before your eyes.
Who is "she"? My mother-in-law? Neighbor? The headmistress? The rival? No. This is your husband's sister.
She has her own game and goals, to achieve which she can use all that is at hand without a twinge of conscience: by your casual miscalculations, quarrels with her husband, conflicts with her mother-in-law.
Your friends in one voice say: yes spit and rub, this bitch is just jealous of you to his brother! After all, for her, he is still a comrade of children's games and a witless, whom "the first woman who is caught can" surround. " But the sister-in-law is serious, especially if she dislikes you at first sight, trying to "protect" her brother from the influence of "someone else's" for her person. As a representative of her clan, she also wants her brother to give preference to herself and her parents.
Let's note for the sake of fairness that you yourself are often not just a passive hostage to this conflict of relations. You, too, allow yourself to ridicule your husband's sister if not publicly, then in his eyes - almost certainly. And admit in her address such studs that the air between you becomes just electrified. Families where two young women are reigned if not peace and harmony, then at least a silent pact about non-aggression of the parties, are very rare.
Of course, the responsibility for the conflict between the sister-in-law and the daughter-in-law, as in any conflict, lies on both sides. However, we must admit that your sister's sister has a more comfortable position - on her side, as a rule, her parents are in common with her brother, she knows her brother better, which means that you are more accurately aware of how it is better to "press" and wrap it its weaknesses in its favor. But on your side - "higher" considerations about the need to preserve peace and prosperity in the family, and therefore morally you are stronger. From this we will build on.
Tactical methods to neutralize the harmful effects of the sister-in-law on your fragile inner world can be very much. The first of them - in the case of a conflict with the daughter-in-law, to meet with her husband's sister in the territory of the latter. Native walls, as you know, give confidence to their hostess. At the same time, by inviting the sister-in-law to visit you, mobilize all the obvious and hidden opportunities to show that everything in your house is arranged clearly, harmoniously and in the right way, although not in the way the sister-in-law has got used to.
One more rule: everything that can be said must be said. The more you both say aloud, the easier your relationship will become. The main thing is to speak naturally and without unnecessary emotions. Do not lower the clarification of the relationship to the level of Babic hysteria. Even if you are embarrassed to say things aloud, think - is it really better when everything inside of you shrinks from impotent irritation ("again she climbs into our relationship" or "again I go to this house, like Golgotha")?
Even if you are disgusted with the very idea of this, from time to time pretend that you are listening to the opinion of the sister-in-law and even take note of her advice. Showing your disparaging attitude to your husband's sister is very simple. Snort and roll your eyes - she immediately realizes that it's better not to interfere with your opinion. So what did you get? Deep inner satisfaction? But - sooner or later, and you will have to face it - after such behavior you have for a long time lost the moral right to seek help when you really need it. And life - a thing long and unpredictable, it may happen that it is the sister-in-law that will become your "wand-zhalochka" in a difficult moment.
Respect - first of all. By your attitude to the sister-in-law and other relatives of your husband, you show your husband how he can be treated, for example, to your relatives (and to you). Moreover - the same lessons are absorbed by your child, because children are very receptive and sensitive to the peculiarities of family relationships. Think about why the sister-in-law is jealous of your brother and criticizes your economy. Maybe she just "translates" the mother's claims, which the mother-in-law does not want or has no opportunity to tell you personally? Maybe you are not really taking care of your husband? Be wiser - at least in public, show that you love him immensely, respected and ready for the sake of the betrothed at all. Do not forget that for your relatives your husband is the best person in the world, and while you are a stranger ...
Make friends with the sister-in-law, include it in the circle of your interests, introduce your friends ... Or better - find a couple for her. Then she can release all the pairs of discontent by redirecting her energy to another channel. Everyone will be fine! Smile at the sister-in-law, invite her to an important event for you, give her maximum attention. There is a chance that she will smile back at you.
And the last: do not complain to your husband. A wife can be changed, but her sister can not.