And doctors know this better than any other person. Everyone is aware of the huge role of the word in relations between people, but not everyone understands how and when one can use the power of one's own speech. Let's look at some examples, when a word has a special meaning in our life.
Points of irreversibility in conflict: filter speech
All families quarrel, as psychologists say. Only happy families quarrel constructively, and unhappy - destructively. The main difference between the conflict that reveals and solves the problem, and the conflict that aggravates the breakdown of relations, lies in the ability not to reach the points of irreversibility.
Points of irreversibility in the conflict - these are phrases or words that are able to put a fat point in the relationship. One of the most striking examples is the message of treason. If the spouses or lovers quarrel, and in the fuse, one of them says that he has changed, it can ruin so shaky relations.
The point of irreversibility is not always needed alone, at times it can be an ellipsis. For example, it is believed that for family conflicts, the point of irreversibility is any phrase that defames the honor of the spouse's parents. But unlike the news of betrayal, you need to call your parents' parents several times with indecent words or accuse them of something serious before a decision is made about the break.
The points of irreversibility in different families may vary. One news about treason is intolerable, others are common. Some do not forgive the squabbling with their parents, others are able to live in such a conflict for years. So it usually takes time to understand what is the point of irreversibility for your partner.
Never say never"
Another secret of successful quarrels, reviving relationships, is the ability not to generalize. Words of the form: "all", "always", "forever", "never", "for nothing" should be excluded from your vocabulary if you want to keep the relationship. In relation to children, these words are completely criminal. Telling a child something like: "You're always late" or "You never learn to speak English normally" - you program it on failure. The child does not yet have a steady self-esteem and is not able to adequately assess himself. He does not know whether his mother is tired and annoyed, or indeed he is unlearned and mediocrity, so that everything is perceived at face value. The role of the word in the upbringing of the child is enormous, and one should not abuse its parental authority in this matter.
Do not compare a person with anyone other than himself
A constructive way of expressing one's dissatisfaction is to avoid generalizations and comparisons. It works in relations between people in any situation: at home, at work, and with friends, and with children, and with loved ones.
If one man gives flowers, and the other expresses love with concern for the health of a woman or with household chores, do not compare them. This is not bad and not good in itself, negative or positive coloring of this behavior we attach ourselves. Would you like to be given flowers? Load an economic man with a shopping list, which will contain the item "flowers for a beloved woman." Or just compare it with yourself: "When you give me flowers, you become for me the most romantic man on Earth." Do not teach him life and tell stories in the style of "But Man'kin Vasya never forgets to give his wife flowers."
How to express discontent and not to offend
Masters in the field of literature in our time are the apologists of NLP. Neuro-linguistic programming allows you to study in detail the role of the word in relations between people. Why are people who have completed NLP courses so successful in sales? Because they are trained in the ability to pass problem areas in communication, establish contact, quickly find common points of contact with the interlocutor.
So, in NLP there are many interesting ways to gently achieve one's own. For example, if you want to induce someone to change, but do not want to become a mentor and a person who teaches adults to the mind, you need a streamlined speech.
A streamlined speech, in contrast to the words spoken "on the forehead," prompts the person to comprehend the problem himself and to look for solutions. Sometimes in a mild form it's easier to get your message across than directly. If instead of a directive requirement not to be late, you will spend a conversation with the employee in a streamlined speech, you will achieve more. A streamlined speech contains many metaphors, comparisons and alternatives. An example of it for late employees will be: "You can differently treat delays, one it seems a sign of congestion, others will perceive delays as a sign of laziness and indiscipline. I would be pleased if you, Larisa Mikhailovna, found an opportunity to privately or publicly, briefly or fully discuss a sometimes arising problem of this kind. "
The trick of a streamlined speech can be that you do not give your interlocutor the choice - to discuss or not to discuss an unpleasant topic. You give him the choice of forms and methods of discussion, prompting for dialogue, and not forcing him to do it.
Narrow-applied use of literature in communication
There are very narrow tasks in the relationship, which can be solved with the help of the word. Consider briefly the example for a woman and for a man.
A woman whose husband is dismissed and can not find work should forget forever any words of criticism. The words of support, approval and faith in the faithful, in the absence of attempts to help him in fact, will bring a much faster result. Yes, being a muse is not so easy. However sweet sweet words in the situation of male unemployment can work miracles.
Men should remember that if a woman asks for an expensive gift - a fur coat, a car or an ornament, and he does not have money for that, he can ... talk it over. This is not a joke, it's a fact: beautiful speeches and long conversations by candlelight or by the moon are capable for some time or even for a long time to deprive a woman of mercantile desires. The main thing is to believe in yourself, and learn to master your speech.