First of all, it is necessary to deal with common misconceptions.
Quite often we create our own problems ourselves, we focus on them and force ourselves to believe that our sex life "slides". Meanwhile, the fact that we in our intimate habits do not coincide with the majority or do not fit in the stereotypes imposed on us by society (for example, we do not have sex twice a week, as average spouses, but one) does not mean that we do not want to be beaten anxiety or filing for divorce. So, we will refute the most "dangerous" myths that prevent us from living.
"We are not compatible in sex"
This is the most convenient stereotype of all that exists in the world. They can justify anything: different sexual temperaments, and rare orgasms (this is often complained of by women who did not even try to talk to their men about foreplay, oral sex, clitoris, point G and erogenous zones), and the lack of simultaneous enjoyment this myth is especially popular - among lovers of serials and romance novels). In fact: if you are thinking about the fact that your partner does not suit you in bed, then you do not have tender feelings for him. You simply can not admit this and grab the version of the so-called "sexual incompatibility", as for a straw. "If you wish, all the problems associated with this or that discomfort during sex can be solved," says sexologist Vladimir Prokhorov. Even very rare cases of physiological incompatibility (incompatibility of the sexual organs of partners) are not so terrible. You can have sex in certain poses (this helps with a large penis) or resort to plastic. " What to do? Forget about romantic stereotypes (such as "only those couples who can achieve simultaneous orgasm are ladies"), look for compromises (those who consider the mismatch of temperaments as the main tragedy of their life, can conclude a comic "nonaggression pact" on certain days ), to experiment and, most importantly, to enjoy it. Another thing, if the "incompatibility in bed" hides a complete aversion partner (you do not like how it smells, moves). To solve this problem, you will have to find its roots. What's the matter here - that you do not like this man, are very offended at him or in your attitude to sex in general? In this case, it is better to look for a way out within the framework of psychotherapy.
Problem number 2 "We have little sex"
The concept of norm is a relative thing. One spouse needs to be at least three times a week at a minimum, while the other couple are only two times a month. Some decrease in libido is quite understandable in couples living together for more than two years. However, this is not an excuse to look for a razluchnitsu or to suffer from the fact that you have ceased to love each other. In fact: everything is much simpler. First, any relationship develops, therefore, during a lifetime they undergo a number of changes: the heat of passion is replaced by more even periods, which, as a rule, are followed by another emotional explosion. And secondly, everything that strengthens your marriage over the years (material well-being, work, hobbies, common interests, children, pets), usually interferes with sexual life. For violent sex, you simply have no time or energy. What to do? Select a free evening and dedicate it to each other: remember your honeymoon. If this measure does not help, you will have to seriously analyze your relationship. The reason for "sexual silence" usually becomes a conflict between spouses. Think what happened before you cooled to each other? Perhaps you inadvertently questioned the partner's masculinity (such phrases as "Well, what a man you are, if you can not make a vacation", the hardest hit is the libido). In this case, you have to restore the close relationship by the grains. The best means are compliments. Men also love ears. With my husband, we discuss everything (the situation in the country, the situation at work, the upcoming repairs, the successes of children, the health of parents). Except for sex. It so happened that this topic is one of the most taboo in our society. In fact: to improve the quality of sex can be through dialogue. Of course, sometimes half-hints come up. However, not all men are ready to correctly interpret our touches, glances, oohs and sighs. What to do? "Talking about sex is a matter that concerns only two," says sexologist Vladimir Prokhorov. For someone, an ideal place to discuss such topics will be a bedroom, and for someone - a cafe. The main thing is to choose the most harmless form of dialogue: going to people like "you think only about getting an orgasm" will lead to nothing good. You also have to learn to say "no" so that your partner does not take offense. Your task is to understand each other from a half-word, to develop your own system of signs. "
We are so different
And as the promotional video reported, and yet we are together. Indeed, male and female sexuality are very different from each other. So, if men experience a peak of sexual arousal in the early morning (from 6 to 9 am), tomes, women, prefer to make love in the evening;
- if the men after orgasm need a little rest to again "rush into battle," we can have fun without interrupting;
- if men dream of a threesome, we most often imagine sex as a stranger, or in a new or public place;
- if for men the achievement of orgasm is often an end in itself, for us, women, emotional closeness is much more important than the final point.
Our differences can be enumerated to infinity. Well, the more we have reasons to seek compromises. Constant ideal sex would quickly become bored and deprive us of the opportunity to experiment!
Problem number 4 "I do not like his experiments in bed"
Or on the contrary: HE does not agree with the bold proposals of his wife. By the way, contrary to public opinion, most often initiators of experiments in bed are not men, but women. In fact: it is us who are quickly bored with the usual scenario, which, as a rule, completely satisfies our husbands. The more insulting it is to stumble upon the false modesty of a partner. It seems to us that behind it are indifference, unwillingness to change something, and even some hypocrisy. However, it also happens that it is we, the women, who have to give up the annoying offers of the husband (sometimes offending us). What to do? Search for the "golden mean". Different postures, oral and even anal sex, role-playing games, love in front of the camera - you can discuss with the partner these suggestions, try something, and then postpone something until you "ripen". Close relations between spouses for this reason exist so that they can discuss the problems and make some decision. Think about why a partner so wants to try this or that innovation and what exactly stops you? What are you afraid of? Or what does he fear if the situation is the opposite? Perhaps, these reflections will help you overcome the crisis that has ripened.
Helpful advice
This all sin: both men, and - much more often women. Which is understandable. In fact: friends and friends in this matter are not the best advisers. Where more effective is a dialogue with a partner or a trip to a family psychologist or sexologist. As for positive emotions after a love affair, it is better to spill them onto paper or sublimate into work. What to do? Exclude "third extra" from your relationship. No matter how much you want to share with your girlfriend "the most intimate", try to keep silent. Think about your wife. Is it nice for him to become the hero of your stories? Especially do not share your "setbacks" in bed. A girlfriend is unlikely to help you, and once and for all you will stigmatize your husband. If "your dirty linen" is taken out by your husband, you should talk to him and explain how unpleasant is his behavior towards you. Phrase-clues: "It's embarrassing to look into your friends' eyes," "You do not need to invite your comrades and colleagues to our bed."
Sexual statistics
According to surveys by Durex.com, only 38% of the planet's inhabitants have sex as much as they want. Sexual well-being is affected by many factors (physical and psychological health, upbringing, as well as social status and material well-being). The last factor "plays" against us. The richer the couple, the more difficult is her sex life.