People meet, people fall in love, marry ... And they discover that they grew up in completely different families, and that is why they relate differently to everyday problems and work, and do not even coincide in the general vision of the world. What to do if his mother allowed (in your opinion) mistakes in upbringing? Can this be somehow corrected? And in general - what should be the ideal husband? ..
So, does your husband think that cleaning, cooking and washing are exclusively feminine? He never cleans the dishes, often leaves empty plates in the refrigerator, if he takes a shower, he arranges a flood in the bathroom, and does not even imagine that street and house clothes can differ? The reason is not in his bad temper. Believe me, your husband does not try to do everything to spite you. It's just that his mother brought up ... Of course, you can accept it, but is it worth to suffer, if you can try, if you do not re-educate the suitor, then at least negotiate with him ?!
LITTLE NOTHINGS OF LIFE
"When we got married and moved to live in one apartment, I was in seventh heaven with happiness," says Alena, 27. "However, as soon as the honeymoon ended and we came across a life, I realized that we were brought up in quite different families. My mother is a neat girl and taught me to keep clean in everything, and my husband is not used to taking off his shoes when entering the apartment. Since hysteria did not help (I arranged them many times), I decided to go the other way. I put slippers and a house suit for my husband right in the hallway (so that they were the first thing he sees when entering the house), put a trash can near his desk, and next to the bed hung a sock bag ... And this It worked. The husband stopped throwing things and papers and began to change clothes when he came home. "
"Alena has acted very competently," commented the family psychologist Eduard Lieberman. - It is practically impossible to change the habits of another person. And who said you were right? Why live like you say, right? This question is sure to come to your mind. That's why your task is not to correct it, but to try to make it so that he himself wants to change, to become an ideal husband for you. It is best to start with a dialogue. Talk about what you both do not like in each other's behavior. Speak out for yourself and listen to it. Your task is not to argue, but to explain the cause-effect relationships (men appreciate it most). So, instead of putting a dot at the end of the phrase "I do not like that you're lying down in jeans on our bed," continue it with the words "because that's how we carry microbes from public transport and office directly to our bed." Men are afraid of diseases, and therefore it is best to appeal to the opinion of doctors. However, one conversation is not enough. Even if your partner imbued with your ideas, it is unlikely that he immediately corrected (if only because he was used to doing much on the machine). And so your next task is to make his life easier and, like Alain did it, literally does not leave him the chance to act differently. "
DID NOT GET ALONG
This phrase is most often written by former spouses in the column "reason for divorce." It's sad, but usually these words hide a banal different attitude towards the world, imposed initially by mom and dad. Look at the relationship in your spouse's family, determine how his mother brought him up, and draw the right conclusions.
Mamenkin's son
This is often the name of men who have grown up under the yoke of maternal dictatorship. At the beginning of dating such a gentleman is very popular with women. Mom taught him to be polite and courteous, always to give a coat, hold the door and let the lady go ahead. But sooner or later you will realize that your chosen one can not make any decisions.
HOW TO BE?
✓ First time you have to replace your mother with mummy, otherwise he will feel confusion and run back to her.
✓ Do all the household chores together so that he does not feel worthless.
✓ Encourage and praise him for showing initiative.
The eternal critic
He was constantly monitored and directed as a child. He used to do everything on the top five and requires it from others. He will notice all your shortcomings and constantly criticize your figure, clothing and behavior. He will first notice that you have done something wrong, and will certainly draw your attention to this "terrible" blunder. HOW TO BE?
✓ Try not to pay attention to his criticism. Just say: "Well, dear", "Of course, my dear," "You're absolutely right, beloved," and continue to live your own way.
✓ Delegate some of the household chores to him: "I'll wash the dishes, and you're vacuuming, please, an apartment. At you it will turn out better. You're so neat! You are the perfect husband! "
Nytik
His whole life consists of a chain of failures, misses and disappointments. When faced with difficulties, he does not try to solve them, but immediately takes offense at the whole world and seeks the guilty. The thing is that the boy, accustomed to receiving the troika, resigned himself to his failures and grew up in an uncertain, non-initiative man. He was used to thinking that he had to be a failure.
HOW TO BE?
✓ Admire any of his achievements and deeds.
✓ Put tools in his hands with the words: "I believe you will succeed!"
✓ Praise him for and without.
Narcissus
He grew up surrounded by nurse-mamas, and so he got used to getting everything he wanted at once. He speaks only about himself, his successes, plans and problems.
HOW TO BE?
✓ Egoists respect their own kind, and therefore pay more attention to yourself, answer all his wishes with the words: "And I want to ... I love ..." Do not forget about yourself and your desires.
✓ Divide everything in half, do not select it in a special way.
THREE MOST IMPORTANT NOT
* DO NOT openly blame his mother for all sins. No matter how their relationship develops, he will still take her side. "Your mother is a beautiful woman, but let's not walk in street shoes at our house: it's unhygienic, and I can not wash the floors every day!" Remember: your trump card is not accusations, but competent motivation!
* Do not constantly remind your husband about how to be an ideal husband. And to say that he does everything wrong. Use the trick: make a list of concessions to which you are ready to go, and a list of cases that he agrees to do. Hang this "document" in a prominent place and, if that, point to it.
* Do not bend the stick. Yes, he does not remove the plates behind him, constantly hides his socks under the bed and blows his nose too loudly. So what?! Does not your chosen one have excellent qualities that outweigh all those stupid habits ?! Often remember the merits of her husband.
And WHAT DOES NOT LIKE YOU?
According to the poll, it turned out that what we - loving and faithful wives - most annoying in our partners. Here's what happened ...
Laziness - 14%
Tediousness - 13.8%
The small salary - 7,6%
Love for alcohol - 7.5%
Inclination to change - 7%
Insufficient sexuality - 6.7%
Large ambitions - 5.7%
Inaccuracy - 5%
The abundance of friends is 3.5%
Excessive modesty is 2.7%
He has no faults, he is an ideal husband! - 26%