Who says our girls that they are ugly? And why will the parents be the first to convince them otherwise? Where does the complex of "ugly duckling" come from?
Curiously, when and where does the girls begin to have a dislike for themselves. Recently, a friend shared her sixth-year-old daughter's revelation: "Mom, Masha said that I'm ugly, so she will not be friends with me. But I was not offended. I sat down and drew a beautiful white unicorn and gave it to her. She liked my picture. " How good that there are girls like my girlfriend's daughter. How wonderful that there are mothers like my girlfriend! A pity word can say everyone. You can not protect everyone. You can protect from words. How? To experience happiness for your child.
And we need to make this feeling permanent, more precisely, starting: starting with it a day, your morning call, wishes of success in school, any joint occupation and even criticize should be with a sense of happiness for your child. This feeling is like a vaccine from low self-esteem. The girls she introduced will represent themselves not as ugly ducklings, but as beautiful, white creatures-the saviors of all the offenders!
Important period
Already in two or three years, a little girl can feel pride or embarrassment for her body. She studies it, "experiences", even gets a gratification from his capabilities.
In general, early childhood is a time of turbulent upheaval for a child. It is when the "I" of the girl is manifested, she experiences the complex of Electric (the baby begins to jealously treat her father, becomes attached to him, trying to protect him in every way from the love of his mother-wife). All this has a significant impact on a small person, more precisely on her sense of belonging to the female sex. The role of the father in the formation of girlhood is of paramount importance. His task is to give his daughter confidence in her feminine power. And he does not need to be perfect or incredible (he is in her eyes). It's enough for him to just be sympathetic. Yegovischischenie (the most sincere sense of happiness for her) supports her pride and self-esteem.
Mom should behave the same way. During the experience of the Elektra complex, large and small women should not delay the resolution of conflicts. And, unfortunately, there will be many of them, and more often than not, through the fault of a small one. But she does not want to be offended. You first imagine yourself in her place: being a three-year-old girl, it's painless to go through such an important stage of ego formation, jealousy towards the pope and at the same time experiencing feelings of guilt before the mother! .. Both mums and moms should be as accessible and attentive as possible, open to communication and ready to be encouraged with approval . And at the same time, maintain a sense of self-esteem and not deviate from your personal values (for example, the husband-father). So you will overcome a difficult stage.
Otherwise - regression, return to early attachment to my mother and the formation of such traits as resignation and compliance, which turn brilliant bright three-year-old girls of all-inconspicuous six-year-old horoshistok.
How will she evaluate herself?
Self-esteem of modern girls is formed already in the initial classes, but often it is undermined.
Self-confidence is guaranteed to give a crack in the middle and the oldest classes. At first, girls do not limit themselves to stereotypes that adults are like from them. They can behave like a boy, do not particularly care about their appearance.
However, by about 10-12 years of age, they lose this confidence and hide behind their other self. Girls pay attention to how they are perceived by others, they tend to be thin and miniature or, conversely, have a sporty strong body.
And this is just in most cases and it is difficult to do, because from about 8-9 years, the start takes a long process of puberty. Begins, as a rule, with a sharp jump in growth. And this happens unevenly: first - the bones of the hands and feet, the face, and, last but not least, the trunk - increase. Therefore, the girl most often has disproportionately long arms inogues, an outstretched face. Moreover, the growth of muscles lags behind the growth of bones, and this is what causes poor coordination of movements, awkwardness, awkwardness. Another problem: the one who does not grow, gaining weight.
Sebaceous glands are working more actively, the complexion changes, the skin and hair become fat. All this gives the girl a lot of emotions. She begins to reinvent herself to accept it. And in this endeavor constantly feels the need and at the same time the fear of peer assessment. And then there are parents who are just in this period are going to "make plans for the future." On her future. They need good results, achievements in studies, voiced by the girl and the desire to achieve it. But she does not want to set goals. She wants a dress that will make her beautiful.
At this time, you need to be especially vigilant. Persuade the girl that she is good, pamper her with new clothes and learn the basics of nursing with her appearance. And when she gets all this, slowly let her know that it's time to move on. You can respect yourself not only for beautiful eyes. All that will help to save her self-esteem is interest and passion for any activity. But let's agree: first a dress, then a goal! A greater confidence in herself will be given by the business that she is getting. Sport, creative circle, music-types of activity, fueling the self-esteem of the future woman.
In addition, an interesting case allows you to form a circle, gather around you people, communication with which delivers a treat. Yes, the key word here is not achievement of purpose, but pleasure! Remember: dress and pleasure will make the girl a beauty.
Ways of accepting yourself
Rather, to develop the desire to overcome difficulties with sum. This is a key position that parents should instill in their parents. The "I can do" approach helps the daughter correctly interpret failures and develop competence.
"Go into the body"
Approximately so psychologists call fighting with complexes by means of changing their appearance. Yes, you can allow the girl to cut off the locks and change them to the "stylish hedgehog", radically change the wardrobe, but be prepared that she will not be satisfied for long. Before the emergence of competitors.
It is necessary to learn how to express feelings, if the girl does not have it, she experiences everything within herself. In this case, she needs emotional support and the ability to listen. The ego will make it easier for her to cope with stressful situations.
Find the Podium
If a girl feels successful at least in some kind of activity, she will not be an ugly duckling.