How do parents punish their child? Some people prefer punitive measures: they slap the kid on the pope, put him in a corner, scold him. Others adhere to the philosophy of deprivation - they refuse in the evening cartoons or in love and fellowship. When adults try to divide punishment into "good" and "bad", most of them tend to believe that physical punishment is very bad and that it is better for a child to boycott.
Why is this happening?
Most often, to the question: "Why do you punish your child?" - the parents answer "Educate" or "I'm broken". And, usually such disruptions occur precisely at the moment when you feel tired, exhausted or if you have a long accumulated irritation on the baby. When the last drop falls into the overflowing cup, the child gets a slap or a cry.
How harmful is it? If the kid is already 2.5 years old and if you do not abuse your power, do not spank him for every reason and this punishment does not frighten him too much, then in some ways it may even prove useful. The fact is that at this age the child is already beginning to understand that doing something is not right, but it can not always stop on its own. Punishment can be useful in the event that the child has decided to check the boundaries of what is permitted and to find out to what extent you allow him to go. Since the baby is still not oriented well in the world, parents should show him a line that should not be crossed. But if adults do not dare to forbid something to the child or in some way restrict it, the kid will seek their reaction by any means, leading them out by their behavior.
Nevertheless, regardless of whether you punish a child or not, remember: if he grows up in a family where mutual agreements and interests are respected, but everyone feels free, the kid will necessarily try to maintain this style of relations by establishing links with others people.
How to influence the child?
Until the child is 2-2.5 years old, it is almost pointless to punish or scold him, because the only lesson he can make out of this is that he is bad and nobody likes him. At the same time, when the baby sees the result of his activity (for example, cut an oilcloth), he does not fully realize how it happened: whether he did something with a knife, or a knife pounced on a tablecloth, or an oilcloth cut itself. At this age, you can teach a child to manage himself and others around him only through reasonable, clear prohibitions and restrictions.
A child of 2.5-4 years begins to realize his individuality from the world and, together with this, he inevitably comes to the realization of the authorship of his actions. At the same age, the kid understands that some events and actions please others and are considered good, and some are upset, annoyed and considered bad. However, despite the fact that understanding has already come, the ability to manage one's behavior has not yet been sufficiently formed. Usually at this stage of life, a certain "deputy" appears in children, who creates all the horrors that drive parents mad. This is what allows a child to get rid of the feeling of shame, because most of what is happening, someone else does.
Try to believe that the kid does not deceive you, claiming that it is "nahuliganila squirrel from the forest." The fact is that he still easily confuses fantasy with reality. Your task is to understand why the kid did this. Ask him, argue with him, or help correct the situation. By the way, if the child is not afraid of your anger or condemnation, then, most likely, willingly chat with you ...
Also, do not forget that at this age children often act in defiance of their parents. And not because they do not consider you, they just need to feel their independence, their capabilities and their boundaries. If you start them for this "pursue", then start a war in which there will be no winners. Better try to turn it into a game or treat it as an annoying trouble that will eventually disappear.
The child of 4-6 years is still difficult to control his actions, although he almost always can analyze them. But even if he understands that something should not be done, sometimes he does not have enough strength to restrain himself, and then, having acted incorrectly, he begins to suffer a sense of guilt. The situation is further complicated by the fact that at this age the child begins to discover the subtleties of human relationships and he discovers that there is no one-sided "good" or "bad" and very much depends on the situation. So, for example, he understands that it is not good to deceive. But at the same time he hears you assure grandmother that everything is in order, and just complained to a neighbor about troubles ... If you want to raise a normal child, help him to adapt in this world and try to explain what, where, why not and accordingly, that, where, with whom it is possible and necessary.
After six years, the child has the opportunity to control himself and stop his "wrong" behavior. This skill should be encouraged and trained, gradually entrusting control over the actions that it does. To do this, negotiate with him, ask him if he is ready to deal with everything himself, and do not rush to load him with too much responsibility. Remember that he can fully answer for his actions only in 18-20 years, and now your job is to help him learn to do it, and not to demand that he behave like an adult.
To scold or not to scold?
When you see that the baby is experiencing about the perfect, do not exacerbate these feelings. Better try to support it. The main thing is for him to understand that the matter is more or less fixable, that he is a person who can make a mistake and how to try to do it next time differently. Realizing this, the kid will soon learn to treat himself and his behavior critically and adequately. If he does not understand that, for example, having selected or broken someone else's toy, he has committed something reprehensible, you should seriously think about it. Perhaps, raising a child, you were so afraid of upsetting him by telling him that he was not right about something, that now the kid is not at all ready to admit this by doing things.