Mesalians is a form of relationship between a man and a woman, in which their position (social or property) is very different. But love, as you understand, does not distinguish between the poor and the rich, the sick and healthy, and most often between young and not very young ...
Marriage, in which a man is older, the society more often approves than does not approve. And if the eldest in a relationship is a woman, then, on the contrary, it is not welcomed in any modern culture. Therefore, the question arises: if a man is much younger - is there a future for the relationship and the couple?
What do the neighbors and girlfriends say
First, we listen to "people's wisdom" - what ordinary people say about such relations.
On such a relationship, when a man is much younger, there is a future for the couple, they reason all to whom not laziness. Friends and friends, neighbors and relatives - all have their own opinion. Often the couple is forced to resist all these "gossip on the bench," defending the right to love.
But there are some differences. Those who are not indifferent to at least one participant in a relationship are not so important, a man or a woman who is much older than him sincerely wants happiness. And about themselves express some doubts - they say, "perebesitsya", "ill" with it, find a younger ...
Idle talk
The future of the couple is always in the hands of those who make relationships - specific men and women. But those who are interested in gossip and speculation, rashly predict the death of the relationship "he is younger, she is older." Therefore, the wives (and husbands) wonder if the man is much younger - is there a future for the relationship?
"You can not put a kerchief on every roller"
To start, so that the future of the relationship is still visible, it is absolutely calm to take these gossip. Do not react to the provocation of friends, acquaintances and neighbors who are guessing: a man is much younger - is there a future for the couple?
What psychologists say
If previously an unequivocally successful couple was considered one where a man is 3-5 years older (and can be more - up to 7-10 years of difference), now it does not have such an indisputable value.
Psychologists emphasize that it is the difference that affects how much a man is much younger, whether the future of a couple is dependent on, first of all, on this. The optimal is still the difference of 3-5 years, more (usually more than 10 years) - this is a very controversial mesalliance.
Harsh truth
Whatever the lovers themselves say, if a strong relationship has been tied up between the older woman and the younger man, this is not a fully experienced child-parent relationship. Wife - she is "mother", even subconsciously. And the husband is a "child" that you need to take care of. Therefore, in most cases, diners and stern grandmothers are right, but only in part. These relations will be slightly different than in ordinary pairs.
True, psychologists also remind us that the stability of a couple primarily depends on the willingness of partners to maintain the chosen type of relationship. And if both are convenient, then such pairs easily exist for twenty years.
What to do?
Firstly, if both husband and wife are comfortable in such relationships, good and enough room for growth (personal, professional), then do not put the existence of a couple in jeopardy only because of the opinions of others. And at the first symptoms of trouble - to address to the family psychologist.
As a rule, difficulties arise exactly where the "child" or "mother" needs space, a place, an opportunity to realize oneself. The hyperope of "mother" or her attachment to the "child" can be annoying. In non-standard situations (promotion, relocation, death of a close relative), these problems will manifest themselves in the most anticipated way - the breakdown of family relations.
To insure against everything is impossible - including obliging each other to always support the hearth, always be to each other in joy and help, and not vice versa. But from the same are not insured and other, more prosperous, at first glance, couples.
To whom is it profitable?
If a man of a creative profession, or a woman does not tolerate power over himself - such a relationship for them will be ideal. The joy of conjugal ties, coupled with the tremendous closeness and inextricable interconnection of even "supposedly mother" and "supposedly child" can give an amazing combination. So, such a mesalliance - built on:
- understanding the situation, the benefits of each
- the desire to be with each other
- spiritual intimacy
can exist as many as you want.
Freshness of the second does not happen ...
Girls are not only romantic, young and beautiful - they also have difficulty in orienting themselves both in relationships and in life. In this regard, a more mature woman is even preferable. Yes, she may not be able to compete with the 18-year-old "May roses", but she knows about many other things.
- Do not worry her husband, distract him from trifles, if he wants to think about something important.
- He can become a friend, an adviser, an assistant where the "young woman" would be a burden.
- Most often, she took place in a career plan, or knows what she wants. Has a living space or has already planned how and when to be able to solve this issue.
And will appreciate all these unconditional dignity of the husband - does not depend on her anymore ...