He's mine and only mine!
Mom, who used to say "we have difficulties with physics", "we are going to college", is unlikely to easily accept that the son is now the head of the family, and even more so because in his life a woman with more rights to the pronoun "we". And it is difficult to say who in this triangle is more pitiful: a son or young wife who is shelled from all sides. Unsolved problems in the "mother-son" couple, as a rule, grow into a complex triangle "mother-son-daughter-in-law". If her mother-in-law did not recognize her son's right to grow up on time, independence, then the young family will face difficult times.
Girls often "merge" with their husbands in the same way that their mothers did. Often both the young man's mom and his wife pretend to be an exceptional place in the heart of a man, which is hardly possible. Yes, the behavior of the mother-in-law can be ugly, but the relationship of a man with his mother is their business. As well as the relationship of husband and wife. You can learn from your spouse how to calmly react to his mother's manners or try to reduce the situation of communication three together to a minimum. But we must face the truth: we can not completely "expel" the husband's mother from the life of the family.
Udocher and I will teach
The fact that the apparent dislike in the psychology of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law leads out of itself, is understandable. But, it turns out, and the good disposition of mother-in-law can cause problems.
We advise you to directly explain to your mother-in-law that you perceive her care as a mistrust of your skills, you see in her words fears for your son and even a call to give up your own parents. She will surely hear a quiet explanation, listen to him. It is necessary to try to find a compromise, so that you both feel important - each in its role. Before the conversation it would be good to practice in the formulation of "I-statements" and other conflictological techniques.
I did not go to court
In the old movie story, the quivering prince had a kind father, and Mamma was not there. Dad gladly accepted the chosen one of his son: nothing that is dirty, but nice, sings and dances, can mend a hole on his jacket. And in this there is nothing surprising - men in general are more lenient towards their daughters-in-law.
It is naive to think that it is not because of anything that a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are in conflict. Both women love (albeit in different ways) one man - the soil for the clashes is the most fertile. Especially in our time, when a lot of "one-child" families. The only son is the point of application of all efforts, the concentration of all hopes and dreams. And now this son is getting married ... Almost certainly his chosen one is in some way inferior to the image painted by his mother. Strongly upset about this is not worth it: such an ideal is unattainable in principle; whatever you are, you will still appear to be a mother-in-law too thin or too full, too cheeky or, on the contrary, notorious, and so on. The lion's share of problems can be avoided if you start living separately from her husband's parents. And in the fight against the remaining universal weapon - calmness, straightforwardness and sense of humor.
Do not forget about the physiology, which explains a lot. Most women become mother-in-law at the age of about 50 years - this is the time of global hormonal changes in the body. Hence the quick temper, and excessive resentment, and frequent mood swings. Bear this in mind and be indulgent.
The practice of psychology of relations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law shows that the most quiet mother-in-law are obtained from women with good memory: they perfectly remember their youth, the first years of marriage and the relationship with their husband's mother. And this does not allow to become a classical super-judge, which can not be tolerated. If you got a mother-in-law with a short memory, try to run a little ahead, into the future, and understand it from there. Imagine that your son got married ... and his wife - quite, not at all, what you thought of her!
Discuss your feelings with your partner. You can ask him to be a buffer between you for a while, pass through his experiences and fears (and also wishes) to the other side. You can also ask him about your mother and try to find / create a common field of interests with her. Practically a win-win option for improving relations is to learn about the history of the family, about those very "traditions". Just do not take such actions as trampling your own pride - no, it's just a normal step towards. Someone must do it.
Helpless Mom
A mother-in-law, a mother-in-law, a mother-in-law-teacher ... Uneasy options are mass. But perhaps the most difficult - a mother-in-law: a child who is always offended, discontented, needing tireless care. It is not easy to find out the relationship with her - she is very confident about "lethal" arguments, such as "sons' debt" and "weak maternal health".