To be kind seems to be good and right. A good man will help in trouble, sympathize and accept the other as he is. But this is ideal. And in ordinary life, many people ask themselves: why are people being so cruel with kindness? Why ask a good man for help - does not mean to get the help that is needed? And how is it that we are "doing good" with an enviable regularity, where we do not ask?
Good advice and help is needed only where they are appropriate. Unfortunately, good does not mean smart. Helping a child to dress when he has to learn this, help a teenage girl in the kitchen when she tries to cook a dish is cruel to people who want to get their own experience.
You still need to be kind!
In the heart of any person there is kindness. Sometimes this kindness manifests itself only to our lesser brothers, but more often to people. And here I want to understand, and why are people being so cruel with kindness? Why do they seek to do good?
Not every good is equally useful!
Reasoning with my friends, we went through several stages of understanding the good. Here you go along the street, you see - the old lady looks with longing for an unregulated pedestrian crossing. Translate her - and it turns out, she did not have to! Be careful with being kind.
Or vice versa. You'll ask a depressed person, like him. He will say that it is normal. You will believe, you will decide to be kind - not to disturb a person. And tomorrow he will not be ...
Or here it is. "Good must be with fists". Firstly, to whom should - if in a person this good is forcibly "pushed"? And think about it - it seems like it should, because all good is called to fight the dominance of the bad in this life. And nature has a natural desire for a state of greatest rest - namely, to the greatest chaos.
Good ordering, good warming, good helps to grow stronger and to grow another person wings.
But it is so inappropriate that you want to exclaim, like a poet: "And why are people so cruel with kindness?"
To be not cruel, kindness needs some special characteristic - that people are really happy if they are shown compassion, mercy or help. And such a characteristic is often ... adequate!
Not everyone can determine whether a poor old woman needs the wrong side of the road, or she simply forgot what she was going for? Or - do I need the help of the unfortunate woman, who stands on the porch with her outstretched hand, or will she be beaten for the money she has earned?
What is guided not to "do good, do good"?
How do psychologists joke,
- sometimes a person wants to be good, and for this he does good.
- Sometimes a person wants to be comfortable - and for this he does good.
- Sometimes a person wants to receive forgiveness - and for this he does good.
- And only occasionally a person is kind at heart.
The desire to do better
Often the desire to do better only hinders or harms. In this case, it is useless to complain about people who, because of their kindness, are so cruel and intolerant of other people's characteristics (and even more so - lacks).
Tip: have your own recipe for happiness. And with those who spoil it - to have only business contacts, not letting them into personal life.
Imposing your stereotypes
Under the brand "so do everything, therefore, so do you!" Lives good with the biggest fists. At the same time, explain to a person who "does good", that all people are different, but he did not conduct social surveys "how do you do this?" Stumbles upon a wall of misunderstanding.
Advice: have a clear position, as it should, and do not listen to other people's advice. As an additional insurance, get (or update contacts) friends who support, rather than trample in the dirt or devalue your way of living.
Desire to help matters
The most difficult desire, from which it is difficult to fight back. After all, a man wants to do his work for you because of his kindness - but this care is very cruel. We came to this world, knowing nothing. And yet, we learned something. Exactly because we were allowed to walk on time, to eat, to tie shoelaces ...
Advice: ask for help, but take into account that the matter must still be made by you. No one will give birth to a child for you, even if it looks complicated and incomprehensible.
So, in their kindness, people sometimes go very far.
The task of each person is not only to ward off evil, but also on time, without feeling "the bastard of the last", to say "thank you, do not" and do something yourself. Take your own decision and take responsibility for it. This is a natural process, and if someone forgets about it - do not hesitate to remind him about it.