Self-confidence is precisely that quality that so many of us in our lives often miss. Especially women who, according to psychological research, are more susceptible to the negative influence of criticism from outside and self-flagellation than men. How to become self-confident, raise self-esteem and love yourself, read in our today's article.
Fine line: what is confidence and self-confidence
Before you start practical advice, you need to understand what it is - self-confidence. In psychology, the concept of confidence is viewed from the standpoint of personal quality and implies a positive assessment of one's own skills and abilities. Confidence begins to form in childhood, when the baby first tries to compare his small achievements and the received moral satisfaction. If during this period the parents and the environment of the child support him, cheer and praise, then the child grows confident in his abilities. Accordingly, criticism, especially harsh and rude, and lack of support pave the way for future complexes and disbelief in themselves.
At the same time, unreasonable praise and excessive care are also dangerous for the formation of the child's personality, as is excessive criticality and severity. Round-the-clock praises and praises without a reason become the reason of an inadequate estimation of own efforts, that further leads to formation of such qualities, as self-confidence and arrogance. The main difference between confidence and self-confidence is the degree of adequacy of evaluating your strengths and achievements. A confident person has the ability to clearly assess their abilities and their application to achieve their goals. A self-confident person is incapable of this: he does not have self-criticism, does not see possible threats, often risks without direct necessity. About self-confident people are often told that their ambitions go off scale and they elevate themselves to a pedestal. As a rule, for self-confidence are errors of education, and only then features of character.
So, self-confidence is the basis of an adequate human behavior, a pledge of the success and effectiveness of its achievements. Self-confidence is closely related to another psychological concept - self-esteem, which refers to a person's idea of their importance, their own merits and demerits. Overestimated self-esteem is accompanied by excessive self-confidence, and understated, respectively, characterized by insecurity in their abilities. Ideal - adequate self-esteem, when a person is confident in himself, and behind this confidence are not empty ambitions, but quite commensurate personal qualities and achievements.
The main reasons for self-doubt
The main, but far from the only reason for the lack of self-confidence, we have already voiced above are the characteristics of upbringing and unhealthy relationships in the family. But if the family factor was the only determining factor, it is unlikely that history knew so many positive examples of successful people from dysfunctional families who, they say, "made themselves". These same examples are direct evidence that many causes of insecurity lie in ourselves. What is behind this abstract formulation?
Ignorance of my true "I"
First, ignorance of oneself and lack of a clear self-identity. In order to understand what is at stake we will give a simple example. We all live in the process of life several roles with which we identify ourselves. For a woman, such roles most often become: Daughter, Girl, Schoolgirl, Girl, Student, Beloved, Woman, Co-worker, Wife, Mother, Grandmother ... Depending on life circumstances and personal priorities, the order, number and composition of these roles may vary. But the essence remains the same: we get used to identify ourselves with each of our roles and do not know what is behind these masks. But if you throw away all social conventions and imposed images, then there is only the "naked" I, the existence of which we so often forget. So, if a woman is accustomed to identifying herself, for example, with her firm and the role of the director, then her self-confidence will come to an end as soon as she loses her business. The same scenario awaits and the mother, who completely dissolves in her children and lives only with children's interests and needs. As soon as the children grow up, such a woman loses a sense of self-confidence and ceases to enjoy life.
Lack of the right meaning of life
Secondly, self-confidence largely depends on a clear knowledge of the meaning of your life. Returning to the example of the mother, it can be said that adult children deprive mother of the main thing in her life - caring for them. It is no wonder that having lived for many years with the certainty that children are the meaning of existence, a woman is lost and does not know how to be further. She is insecure, that she is able to realize herself in another direction and literally does not know how to live further. Clear knowledge of your goals, the presence of some life plan in combination with self-identification helps to avoid this mistake.
Inability to say "No"
And, thirdly, those who do not know how to draw clear personal boundaries with those around them most often suffer from insecurity. If it's hard for you to say "No" to a person who is uncomfortable with you, or you often let acquaintances use your kindness for free, then most likely you are too dependent on the opinions of others. It is this dependence that gives rise to self-doubt. Women, due to the peculiarities of their psychology, are more confirmed by the "merger" with others. A vivid example is the identification of oneself with an infant in the first years of his life. Such a merger is a natural mechanism that ensures the child's survival. In all other cases, the absence of clear personal boundaries leads to psychological deformation of the person and its blurriness. Therefore, of course, there can not be any talk about self-confidence.
How to become confident in a strong woman: practical advice
Let's immediately outline one important nuance: the formation of confidence takes time and work on yourself. Before you begin to implement our recommendations, determine the time for achieving the desired result. They should be real, there should not be any options "to become self-confident in a week". It is also important to clearly imagine what exactly your concept of "certainty" will include. It is advisable to write a list of qualities that you think the strong and confident woman that you want to become has. The list and terms will help you not only to orient yourself, but will set intermediate goals for you. As they say, the elephant should be eaten on slices.
To make it easier for you to fulfill this task, we offer an approximate list of qualities that, according to psychologists, confident people have. You can take it as a basis and supplement with your items. So, a confident woman is different:
- purposefulness
- will power
- sociability
- determination
- competence
- positive attitude
- clear personal boundaries
- adequate self-evaluation
- stress resistance
- understanding their needs
- the ability to control one's emotions
- awareness of their weaknesses
- high working capacity
- desire for self-fulfillment
Having issued your list of qualities, analyze it and put a checkmark next to the items that you correspond to at the moment. Unmarked qualities will become your intermediate goals, which you will master gradually.
With regard to the timing, on average, a person takes about a year to achieve tangible results in the "re-education" of himself. Therefore, it is important to be patient and gradually move towards the goal.
How to become confident and raise your self-esteem: the most effective exercises
So, outlining the action plan, you need to move on to implementing it. Help in this special psychological exercises aimed at working out your weaknesses.
Say: "Stop!"
For example, if you suffer from vague personal boundaries, then you need to work to protect your own interests. Very effective in this regard is the exercise called "Stop": every time someone from your relatives, friends or colleagues ask you for another service that helps your own interests, tell him a clear "No". For a start, you can practice in front of a mirror or with a partner, having lost a similar situation with it. Learn to refuse firmly, but calmly, guided by common sense, not emotion. And while you are sure of your right to 100%. A similar special exercise can be found for each quality from your confidence list, on which you need to work.
Think of yourself as an image of a successful woman
In addition, imitation of external success is very helpful in building self-confidence. It is about the embodiment of behavioral patterns inherent in successful and confident people. Define for yourself the standard of a strong, confident woman. It can be a celebrity, your friend or just a fictitious image of you. Take a closer look at the behavior of your ideal: note how she talks, how she behaves in difficult situations, how she solves problems. Important are external manifestations of certainty, for example, gait, manner of dressing, facial expressions and gestures. After analyzing the data, try to adopt some of them. For example, very good on the formation of confidence affects the correct posture. Learn to keep your back straight, do not grumble and do not slouch. Work out your confident gait in front of a mirror or with a book on your head.
Love yourself
But the main thing is to love yourself. A confident woman always respects and appreciates herself and her body. She has a share of sound self-criticism, but this does not prevent her from loving herself and constantly improving herself. First, identify the "gaps" in your personality that prevent you from loving yourself. If these are purely external factors like a superfluous kilogram or a problem skin, then do your best to get rid of them once and for all. If the reasons are more profound, then refer, for example, to a psychotherapist who will help you deal with mental "flaws". Do not forget about your internal resources, such as, willpower and motivation - be sure to use them for self-improvement.
Now you know how to raise your self-esteem and become self-confident. Start your way to confidence today and very soon you will notice the first positive results!