Tired! In the end, I'm not her property! I am a free and independent person, and if she wants us to be together, she will have to learn to be a woman, not an ataman on a dashing horse. I understand, Nadia has a huge workload, the construction of a theater, rehearsals, she was upset. But this is not an excuse to throw negative emotions on me. It's a shame: the evening is spoiled, I'm angry with her and I feel disgusting. I said goodbye to the guys from my group, left the studio, where we discussed a new song, got into the car and drove home. Not to Nadya. To yourself. Today I need to be alone. Enough of me "close" relationship. The apartment is quiet and empty. I have little furniture, I do not like excess. The main thing is free space and air, a situation in which it is best to be alone with yourself. I went to the fireplace, lit the candles, poured wine. How good! Nobody pestered with questions, did not bring up, did not give useful advice. Actually, I do not like to quarrel. As a rule, our quarrels with Nadia quickly end. We will talk, let off steam, and then, as if nothing had happened:
- Well, by the zeros?
- By the zeros. Tomorrow we have any plans?
- At twelve rehearsals, in the evening a concert.
And everything, as if there was no scandal. Sometimes, when it comes to something fundamental, we can be "in contravention" for several days. But even then, watching Nadia go to his room in the evening, I will certainly tell her after: "But I still love you." Nadia will glance at me, but he will not say anything. We are creative people, emotional, between us everything happens. But if the conflict drags on, I resort to a proven method of establishing relations. I know that no one except me did it for her ... But today it will not work. I'm in my apartment, she's in mine, and we're at loggerheads. I hung up, she did not call back. Waiting for a call from me? Probably. It was necessary to call back or send an e-mail ... But now it's too late, Nadia is asleep. Have to wait until morning. It is good that on the stairs we are no longer guarded by paparazzi. We can disperse to our apartments or live together, and this will not cause a violent reaction from the press, nor become a sensation. And when our relationship was just beginning, everything was different. A terrible sensation arose around him. Journalists like crazy. They stayed at Nadina's apartment and at mine, then still removable. They wrote all kinds of nonsense. At first I appealed to their reason, then I wanted to sue, then I started boxing to fill my face with especially distinguished ones. I was just furious! Nadya, in her usual manner, comforted me: "If you talk with every dog, you will not get to the house." But I did not stop. Tried to explain: "We must give change, protect ourselves and our honor! Slander can not be left unpunished! "I could not react calmly. Gossip made me angry. After reading some nasty stuff on the Internet, I was immersed in a severe depression for two weeks. The world seemed dirty, unjust.
I was tormented by the question: why so with me?
And then I talked on this topic with a Buddhist lama. He asked:
- Why do people write about us this? Do they hate me?
The Lama replied:
- No. They do not know you, and you are not interesting to them - neither as a singer, nor as a husband of a star. You are for them a means of making money. After this conversation, something seemed to break something in my head. And I promised myself not to pay attention to the newspaper scribblers. But to accept the fact that in the press I was stuck with the label of Alfonso, it was unbearable. Of course, a young guy from the province - now Babkin will make him a career! Television, radio, CDs, promotion. Only the lazy did not go about it. All bullshit! As a musician, the union with Nadezhda only harmed me: I categorically did not want to become "like everyone else," and my own music was not enough to pierce my own music. Nadin's friends criticized me and accused me that it was not a format. In her team "Russian Song" I was also received not immediately, they were treated with suspicion for a long time. I was angry, I wanted to prove something. On one of the parties I decided to talk with a guy from the ensemble, who especially actively commented on my personal life behind my back:
"Come on, tell me straight in the face what you think of me." Enough to whisper in the corners!
He stepped out, but did not deny it:
- I really talked too much. But not from evil.
Just to maintain the conversation. I'm sorry. Strange people. For the sake of idle chatter they are ready to humiliate a man. But even more surprising is that after finding out the relationship, we with this guy have become good friends and are still friends. And the rest I left alone. Let them talk. I know the truth. We with Nadezhda together for seven years, and the first machine I had only three years ago - I bought it on credit, which I pay until now. And the apartment is bought for a mortgage, and again I pay for it myself. It's like everyone who works and tries to stand on their own. I have been like this since my childhood. Perhaps, like any child, I wanted to be loved and helped to go through life, but my fate was different. As a child, I was left to myself and felt lonely. We lived in Izhevsk. Family life of parents was not asked. Father and mother always quarreled, shouted at each other, and then my mother disappeared for two or three days. Kissed me and left. Where? What for? Nobody explained anything to me. In our solid three-room apartment I had a separate room, and all the time I was there alone. Even went to school through the forest and the abandoned village itself. At first it was creepy, and then the fear disappeared. From this victory over fear I became more mature. One day, when I returned from school, my mother sat next to me squatting and took her hands:
"Zhenechka, I must leave."
"For how long?"
- I do not know. May be. But as soon as I can, I'll be right behind you. You still live with your dad. Good? And do not be bored. I had no choice. I stayed with my father and waited for my mother's return. Where she then left, where she lived - I never found out. My father worked as an engineer at Izhmash, he had long hair and a guitar decorated with photographs of Pugacheva and the Beatles. He did not teach me music, and in general I did not do it - from morning till night he was not at home. I returned from school, did my homework, cooked myself dumplings or ate donuts bought at the store. From such food began to get fat and in the children's theater, in which he was engaged, he received not the main role of Chip or Dale, but the role of fat Mr. Roquefort, who loves cheese. A year later my mother appeared. He and his father finally decided to divorce, and we moved to her grandmother. My father did not call and did not come. Only then, five years later, when my mother was gone, my grandmother met him a couple of times, after that I found her in tears. She cried and said:
"You just forgive him."
- For what to forgive?
- For all.
I did not understand what to forgive. Now I'm thinking: how can I leave my child? Gradually, the image of my father began to fade from my memory. And now I can not even remember his face. There are only vague features that I know from photographs. So many years have passed, and he never wanted to meet with me, to establish a broken relationship ... A completely different life began with my mother, grandmother and grandfather. I felt love, and I was happy! They surrounded me with care, fed, read books, drove to the park, talked with me. It was then that I realized how I needed to be loved. I blossom, open up when people treat me with love. And I accept it with pleasure! It's also a special gift - to accept love. Many do not know how. I feel gratitude and try to love in return, I give to the one who loves me, all my heart. So it was with my relatives. But this wonderful time did not last long. Soon the grandfather died. Then my mother left to live with another man and we stayed with my grandmother alone. A year later ... I still do not understand how it happened. Medical error. My mother started a kidney attack and was taken to the ambulance to the hospital. She was in a coma, and she could be saved. But no one was working with her mother, and she died without regaining consciousness. I do not know how grandmother survived it. But even at that terrible moment, she thought about how to do it so as not to cause terrible pain to me. I hugged and said: "Zaya, listen, my mother is very sick. It can happen irreparable ... "And my mother was no longer in the world. Grandmother knew the wisdom of the people: with a misfortune you must sleep the night. And she told me the terrible news only the next morning. I could not even cry. I did not tell anyone. He lived as before, only with heaviness in his chest. I understood that I was left alone. And I experienced my grief alone. I was twelve years old. The only one who learned about my loss was Tatyana Egorovna Kozyreva, an English teacher, with whom we had very difficult relationships. She was an anglomaniac, a true lady. Even looked like the Queen of Great Britain. The same hairstyle, dress style, constant brooch and English stiffness. She knew at once that I should be kept in the gloves of the mittens. And she demanded more than with others. At the first lesson Tatyana Yegorovna stated:
- You're not being nice. No matter how hard you try, you will never speak English.
I was as if poured with icy water. I got angry and blurted out:
"I will speak better than you!"
"Well, well, we'll see," Kozyreva answered coldly.
And our war began
Even for a tiny mistake, she arranged for me to be beaten before the whole class. "Bearless" is the most innocuous word that I heard from her. But when she found out that her mother had died, she came up and said: "I believe in you. You are a talented person and will cope with any difficulties. " For me, these were not only words of reconciliation, but also of consolation. I still remember her with love and gratitude. She had a strong temper, and I like it in women. Nadia is also a strong character. And he does not frighten me at all, moreover, I get excited with excitement: I always tell her the truth, I argue with her and, as a rule, the last word remains for me. I know, Nadia respects me for this. She is tired of hangers-on and zhopolizov, who flatter, agree in everything, and behind the back gossip. When I first came to visit her, I liked everything, except for a huge number of photos in cancers and an excess of folklore in the design of the apartment. I immediately told Nadezhda:
- All these embroidered red mittens, towels with cocks - a bad taste.
- You do not understand! - she exclaimed. - Russian ornament carries a huge energy!
- What kind of power? To whom? This is all a myth! - I was angry. - In the houses of Russian aristocrats, none of this was in sight! A serfs peasants such rubbish, such as matryoshkas and Khokhloma, and did not see! Lapti wove and sat with a ray. All these your splints are just bullshit! Nadia was surprised that I ventured to tell her what I thought. In general, she sincerely loves everything Russian. Not only songs and clothes. Recently I decided to make a gift to Hope - I took me to rest in Monaco. In advance I thought out the route, booked the hotels. We flew to Germany together, rented a car and drove to Monaco. We spent ten days there just superb, never quarreled. But when they left, Nadya said:
"Of course, it's good here ... But only we are better off." And nature is richer, and there is more space, and people are sincere.
"Have not we had a good rest?" - I was upset.
- No, we rested wonderfully. But next time we'll go somewhere ...
- Where?
- Yes to the country.
Such are the passions
With something I try to fight, but with something I have reconciled. In all that concerns her stage image, she is a queen. He knows how to make a Russian folk outfit so that everyone is stunned, how to sing a song and profitable to present themselves. But even in this matter she is an absolute conservative. And I convince her:
- The image should be changed every five years.
- No. People used to see me like that.
- The audience needs to be amazed! Otherwise they will lose interest.
"What if it's worse?" - Nadia doubts.
But at least for a long time she rested, I managed to move things from the dead point. Now Nadia appears on the stage in different images. Her manner became more reserved. And in everyday life she dresses more elegantly. So far I can not disaccustom it in any way from the love of jewelry with huge stones. Because, in my opinion, this is somewhat vulgar. But she likes it. And I give such ornaments, but I always say:
"Maybe something smaller?"
- No, more!
They all have their weaknesses. I'm colorblind and I can dress like a parrot, like blue shorts with a green T-shirt. They laugh around me, but it's okay for me, blue and green for me - one color. But for Nadi, it does not matter. She accepts me as I am. When we met, I was a provincial boy, and she was a famous singer. But strangely enough, at my first meeting on stage I was standing, and she was sitting in the hall. Only she was not the spectator, but the chairman of the jury. By that time I had left Izhevsk for a year and lived in Moscow - I earned my living by studying English, singing at weddings and corporate parties. I participated in all sorts of competitions, doing everything to be noticed. So I got on the "Rainbow of Talents" in Saratov. I played there with the band "After eleven", we played well, liked, but we really wanted to reach the final. Worrying, we with the boys opened the door and peeped into the room where the jury sat. Nadya looked in our direction, we met with her eyes, and she smiled. It became clear to me that everything was fine, that we had passed. I remember, we were attacked by some unrestrained fun. In Hope there was so much positive energy and optimism that they could not not get caught. We celebrated the victory with the group, but I did not see Nadia any more: she left and diplomas were given to us by other people. I returned to Moscow, and again there was silence, half a year, no offers. Again, performances began on corporate parties and in restaurants. On the one hand, this is a good income, on the other - a dangerous and unpredictable work. Once I decided to add a few jazz intonations to my favorite song of Russian brothers - "Vladimirsky central". I did nothing incredible, just sang it a little bit differently, improvised. We did not have time to finish, as the administrator calls us from behind the wings: "Guys, round off and into the kitchen. They will feed you there. " We were surprised. Well, of course, but before this has never happened. We put the tools together, we sit in the kitchen, we eat. Here comes the guard
- Quickly wind down. The brothers are angry with you because of the "Vladimir Central", they want to understand.
I was indignant:
"But we did not do anything like that." Let me explain everything to them.
"If you want to live, get out of here!"
We were led out through the back door. I remember how one behind the other closed behind the door ... And the day when they called from Nadia, on the contrary - the performance was very successful, I sang so well that I was paid an extra hundred dollars, and this is half my rent for apartment. It was after this speech that the phone rang, an unknown number was shown, I picked up the receiver.
- Eugene? - Yes.
- You are worried about Kum.
I decided that it was a joke: what kind of a comic?
- Sorry?
- Kum Ivan Dmitrievich. We together with Nadezhda Georgievna Babkina together conduct a radio show "Babkina Saturday" on the radio "Mayak". Did not hear?
"I heard, of course," I lied.
- So that's it. Nadezhda Georgievna wants to invite you to perform at the concert of the festival "Non-stop folklore", to sing a duet with her.
- A duet? With Babkina? And where will the performance be?
- In the concert hall "Russia".
Scene
I did not believe my ears: do I really have to go on stage, which was sung by Elton John himself, my idol! And Nadino was also shocked by the invitation. So, she remembered me all these six months that have passed since the festival in Saratov! I agreed with Kum about the date and time of the meeting with Babkina. But soon she called back:
- Zhenya, this is Nadezhda Georgievna.
- Hello, - I was embarrassed, but did not give a look.
And she spoke as if we had known each other for a hundred years.
- Listen, I have a rehearsal. What are you doing in the evening? Maybe somewhere in the restaurant we'll sit and discuss everything?
"Let's go to McDonald's at Pushkinskaya," I say.
- Where?! - Nadya laughed, but immediately agreed.
And what else could I afford? Having put the phone down, he thought: Babkina is such a famous actress, but she easily agreed to meet me at McDonald's. Nadine democracy and a sense of humor have absolutely bribed me. We met, and while I stood in line, Nadia was waiting for me in the car. I took cheeseburgers and potatoes, brought it all, and our business dinner was held in the back seat: we discussed the speech, then we talked on other topics. Everything was eaten, but we did not want to part. Nadia said:
- And went to ride?
- Go!
I'm always ready for any adventure, travel and adventure just adore. We traveled around Moscow talking about music. I caught myself talking with Babkina as an old friend, although we just met. It was somehow very free and fun. Then our performance took place, it was successful. After that, everything turned. I started writing songs for Nadia, we started working together. And after a while she invited me to her house. When I came to her, I realized that she had carefully prepared for this evening. Covered a beautiful table, there were exactly the dishes that I love. For example, boiled chicken with spices and broth. However, this evening we almost did not eat anything. She has an enormous window in her apartment with a view of the Kremlin. I really like to sit on the windowsill and said: "Let's turn off the lights, remove the flowers from the window sill, sit on it, drink wine and talk." This proposal was clearly unexpected for Nadi, but she liked it. That evening, we first talked not as colleagues at work, but as close people. I had a feeling that I met a man with whom I can be really frank. When we finished talking, it was too late. The subway closed, I did not have a car. Nadia offered to stay - to spend the night on the sofa in the living room. Taking out the blanket, Babkina said: "Maybe you'll stay at all?" It was a joke, but I knew perfectly well what was behind it. Although at that time I was still not ready for a closer relationship. In order to decide on this, I needed absolute confidence in her love for me. He would not have taken the initiative. I have little experience in this regard. In the eleventh grade, I fell in love with a girl from America, who was called Ronda Springer. She came in the line of some Christian organization. We had instant sympathy with her, we could talk endlessly about anything, laughed until I fell. And I realized that I had to decide, to admit to her in love. Iseek chocolate cake, invited to visit, but painfully afraid of failure, it seemed to me - I will not survive it. Rhonda saw that I was trembling all over.
- Zhenya, what's wrong with you? You are healthy? She touched my forehead with her hand.
- Just worried. I invited you to visit ... to confess my love. Having said this, I was finally able to breathe freely. Rhonda smiled and looked at me very gently.
"What a pity that we have not met before."
- Why? - I was surprised.
"The fact is, I'm engaged to be engaged." Forgive me.
true
Because she was a believer, it meant a lot to her - she could not break her vow. Parted without resentment. Ronda went to America, got married, and we never saw each other again. And in the institute I met a girl named Nadia, but our relationship did not grow into anything. We were like a brother and sister, we did not even think about a wedding or a family. After moving from Izhevsk to Moscow, I had to work so hard that it was not up to the novels. And so, when Babkin's Hope appeared in my life, I needed time to realize what was happening between us. Nadia immediately liked me. Bright, beautiful. She has an amazing willpower. Journalists from the tabloid publications wrote that Babkina got prettier because of her young friend. Bullshit! It would be great to have a friend and be young without much effort. But in life it does not happen! Nadia, in order to look good, and spends half a day at the spa salons, and makes some jokes, and he is sitting on a diet. I envy her willpower! I could not do that. But all these tricks for the public. I saw her and I see her as she is, and that's how she likes me. She has a tremendous positive energy, which is charged. Incredible charm that can not be resisted. But most importantly - I began to feel her love for me. And for me it is more expensive than anything in the world. I grew up without my mother, my grandmother as she could try to replace her, but I still did not have enough female love and tenderness. I needed not custody, but love. And when I began to feel that Nadya loved me, I began to respond in kind. Our relations became more and more intimate. One evening Nadia again offered to stay, and this time I agreed. We immediately agreed: I will live wherever I want, and I have and will have my own personal life. We never talked about marriage - we have completely different, higher and more pure relationships. We have a spiritual connection, absolute mutual understanding and support, respect and devotion to each other. This is what in English is called soulmate - a soul partner. There is no such word in the Russian language. Probably, when I decide to start a family and have children, I will do it. But this will not affect our relations with Nadia. We are very close people with her, and that's forever. So it was so easy for us to start living together. We woke up, met in the kitchen. We ate breakfast together, talked. Nadia was pleased that she had someone to take care of, for her it is very important - to be someone necessary, and I gladly accepted her care. We have our little secrets and games. For example, I came up with the game "Find a gift" for her. I buy a gift and hide somewhere in the apartment, and Nadia leaves notes with tips. And then, when she walks and searches, I watch her and comment, and she laughs and looks absolutely happy. At first I did not really understand how Nadine's son Danila would treat me. First time met with him on New Year's Eve, by chance, on the street. Nadya and I walked. They walked, talked, looked at the fireworks. And then a limousine stopped nearby, people began to get out of it, and among them - Danja. He went somewhere with friends, saw us, decided to stop and get acquainted. We shook hands. But there were so many people around me that I felt uneasy and I went home alone. Then we met again, talked, got to know each other and began to be friends. Danila is a good guy and very delicate about Nadina's personal life. He understands that she is an adult and has the right to personal freedom, like himself. After a while, Danila got married, and my wife Tanya and I also have a wonderful relationship. But we do not go to visit them often. For some reason, Nadia and I always quarrel in public. When we are alone with her, we have an almost perfect union, but as soon as someone appears third, the relationship immediately deteriorate. Maybe Nadia is jealous of me? Or trying to show who is in charge here? But in any case, this is unbearable. Therefore, we agreed that we meet with our friends individually and no one limits this. Nadia, for example, quietly let me go with my friend Anton in the US for almost two years - to study at a music institute. We arrived in Los Angeles a month before the beginning of the classes, rented a car and rode around America: Grand Canyon, Disneyland, Las Vegas. In Las Vegas, lost a lot of money, then returned to Los Angeles and shot a stunning apartment in the Moroccan style. We liked the owner so much that he even gave us a new sports Mercedes in addition, and we cut it on the boulevards! It was great! Then the school began. There a lot of useful modern objects - arrangement, work in the studio, vocals. I was shocked by the level at which pop art is taught! It's a pity that Elton John did not give master classes at this school. I met him later when Nadya arrived. Her friend, knowing that I adore Elton John, invited us to a concert in Las Vegas. We sat in the second row. I was not myself to be happy - I saw and heard a living classic of popular music! When the performance was over, you could go on stage and sing along with Elton. I and a few other people jumped out onto the stage. I stood next to the great musician and looked at him in all eyes, even forgot to take a picture. Then we were invited backstage, there was a small buffet. I approached Sir John:
"You know, Elton, someday I'll sing a duet with you!"
He looked at me and said:
"It's arranged, young man, you'll definitely sing a duet with me someday."
History
It was very pleasant, and I tortured Nadya with endless retelling of this story. Then she flew to Moscow, and I stayed to study. We missed each other very much. Our relations, which arose as business and friendly, with each passing year grew stronger and deeper, moving into some completely new quality. On one telecast a well-known sexologist told me: "This is wrong! You can not love a woman who is older than you by thirty years! "Nonsense! Why do I have to obey someone's opinion? I'll decide who to love and how! It's all stupid and vulgar. Really I should stare at young girls and sigh "ah, what they have figurines!" Only because someone seems to be right? I will not do it! I'm sick of the fact that on all sides I just hear about sex. You can not measure everything in life with sex! In our relations with Nadia, he is not important. We are a real couple with her, although we do not sleep in the same bed. But this does not divide us, because mentally and spiritually we are together all the time, and this is precisely love. Both I and Nadia in life had both negative experience and disappointment. And we both know that love is not sex, it's something more. This is a good relationship, respect, need for someone. This is an opportunity to say: "I need you," "I can not live without you." Probably, today Nadia called and fell down precisely because she has not seen me for a long time and has become bored. And I, like a ram, rested my freedom and independence, offended her. Outside the window it's getting light. Candles burned on the fireplace. If I were close, we would have made up. I would write for her a song, having stayed all night at the piano, and better ... would write a letter. I write her letters of recognition, letters of apology, a letter of confession. All my messages she keeps and often reread. And I know that they are dear to her. In London, I bought special writing materials - paper, a pen with a pen, to dunk in an inkwell, envelopes. I even have a personal stamp. All this in order that the letter was real. I sat down at the table, looked at a blank sheet and began to write: "My dear! Maybe you love me more than I love you. But I often tell you about love, about how beautiful you are. I indulge your feminine weaknesses, I go shopping with you, adjust to your mode of life, because I, like no one else, appreciate you. Even if I spend time with my friends, know that there is no one in the world who could take your place in my heart. No one supports me, does not console me like you. No one can stroke me on the head as gently as you. You were, are and will remain for me the closest and dearest person! Because we have with you something more than just love ... "I sealed the envelope, put my seal. He got dressed. It's light, but the city is still empty, there are not enough cars. I'll come to Nadia, open the door with my key, quietly go in, so as not to wake up, leave a letter and leave. When she reads it, she will forgive. I got up and went to the door. In the silence of the apartment a ringing bell suddenly rang out. Mobile. "Nadya" was displayed on the screen. A sigh of relief escaped from his chest:
"I'm coming to you." Forgive me.
- Okay, it happens. We have a lot to do today, I need you. Will you have breakfast?
- Oatmeal, according to your recipe.
- Good. Lets go faster. I'm waiting.