According to statistics, for example, in the United States and Canada, 2 million children suffer from beatings each year by their own parents. Moreover, in 1/3 of all cases of such physical violence, children are mutilated. Annually around the world thousands of children die at the hands of their parents.
Characteristics of parents who show cruelty
So what are parents cruel to their children? Usually these are people who are under stressful conditions or are experiencing the collapse of their previously established life plans. The most common common problems that are typical for such parents are frequent depression, feelings of loneliness, marital discord, lack of work, abuse of psychotropic substances, transferred divorce, domestic violence, drunkenness, and concerns about lack of money.
Most parents realize that they do not properly handle their children, but they can not stop themselves. Other parents who constantly abuse their children, frankly hate them or feel disgust for them. Children's dirty diapers, crying crying, their children's needs are unbearable for such parents. A mother who cruelly treats her child, believes that her child is vexing her on purpose, doing everything "spitefully". Often parents with such deviations in the psyche dream that the child immediately after their birth will make them happy. When a child begins to unwittingly disappoint them, such a deadly reaction follows.
Cruelty to parents is impulsive or intentional, conscious or unconscious. Parental cruelty, according to studies, takes place in 45% of families. However, if we take into account threats, cuffs, intimidation and spanking, almost every child is exposed to at least occasional displays of parental violence.
Among the main reasons for dissatisfaction with their children - dissatisfaction with their studies - 59%. They praise their children for properly performed homework - 25% of parents, and scolded and beaten for inferiority - 35%. More than a third of all parents to the question: "What do you think your child?" Gave their children such characteristics: "bad", "unsuccessful", "sloppy," "causing a lot of trouble," etc. On the question: "Why are you so talk about your child? "- the parents answered:" We bring him up like this. He must know his shortcomings. Let him do his best to become better. "
The vicious cycle of violence
At the heart of virtually all cases of child abuse is a vicious circle of violence that flows from one generation to another. Approximately one-third of all those parents who are ill-treated in early childhood, badly refer to their own children later. Another third of all parents do not show cruelty towards children in their daily lives. However, they sometimes act cruelly, being in a stressful state. Such parents have never before learned how to love children, how to educate them and how to communicate with them. Most of the children who were subjected to cruel treatment by parents in their adult life themselves begin to show cruelty to their children.
Motives and causes of parental cruelty
The main motives of cruelty of parents for their children - the desire to "educate" (50%), revenge for the fact that the child does not meet expectations, asks for something, constantly requires attention (30%). In 10% of cases cruelty to children is an end in itself - to shout for the sake of shouting, to beat for the sake of beating.
The most common causes of cruelty in the family are:
1. Traditions of patriarchal upbringing. Strap and flogging for many years were considered the best (and only) educational tool. And not only in families, but also in schools. I remember the once popular aphorism: "There are more cuffs - fewer fools".
2. A modern cult of cruelty. Sharp socio-economic changes in society, rapid revaluation of values lead to the fact that parents often find themselves in a state of stress. At the same time, they experience a rush of hatred towards a weaker and defenseless being-the child. "Discharge from stress" also often occurs on children, more often on preschool children and younger schoolchildren, who do not understand why parents are angry with them.
3. Low level of legal and social culture of modern society. The child here, as a rule, acts not as a subject, but as an object of influence. That's why some parents achieve their educational goals with cruelty, and not with any other means.
Prevention of cruelty towards children
Today, many different social organizations have been set up to identify children who are beaten or deprived of care by their parents. However, even legalized "care" over children who suffered from cruel treatment does not often bring the desired results. The court is able to decide whether to take guardianship of the child, or the parents themselves willingly agree to place him in an orphanage. Sometimes caring for a child in an orphanage is much better than at home. However, it is likely that such care will further injure the child. In some cases, the child remains at home with the parents, but those, in accordance with an effective program, teach the ability to take care of children, cope with stress. It would be better if these skills were taught to adolescents still in high school.
Experts recommend that parents who are tempted to hit a crying child do the following:
- Quickly get out of the room and call a friend;
- Enable soothing music;
- Calm down, having made 10 deep sighs, then after a pause 10 more sighs;
- Go into another room and do some exercises;
- Take a cool shower;
- Sit down, close your eyes and imagine that you are in a pleasant place for you.
- If none of the strategies help, ask the professionals for help.