Or, as an option, Lady Discussion. A person who lives under the slogan: "Give me an excuse - and I'll prove who is the smartest here." Well, everyone else - you know who. I had a friend who could turn any conversation "about nothing" into a battle of opinions. And it does not matter how much she understood the subject of the discussion: once she managed to argue on the personal preferences of one famous athlete with his own brother! Shocked, he was smeared on the wall with the most incredible arguments and clumsy "But I know!".
Enter into any controversy with Lady Dee - an enterprise doomed to failure in advance. First, no arguments can not cope with her passion, and secondly - you will make enemies.
The dispute for such people is not a means of maintaining conversation or searching for interesting points of view, but an end in itself, which has two possible reasons: either an overestimated self-esteem and the lack of opponents (who could put an arrogant debater in his place), or an attempt by means of deliberately aggressive behavior to hide his uncertainty and, to put it mildly, not very broad outlook.
If you are "lucky" to be face to face with the Arbiter, the wisest decision will be to give up any provocation to start a debate in search of eternal truths about the development of the individual, self-affirmation of confidence. Then the aggressor will quickly lose interest in you and switch to a new victim.
Sad regularity, but many of those who are fortunate enough to reach certain peaks on the steep slopes of the business Olympus, want to get even with the honest people for their past failures. Or, on the contrary, the position they occupy does not meet their ambitious aspirations and then they take out their bad mood on someone horrible - emotional discharge for the sake of. Remember the dialogue from the movie "Night Fun":
- And what does your dad work with? - Chief.
- Big or small? - Small.
- Bad. Being a small boss is so humiliating!
There is another version of the militant Chiefs - ordinary cad who consider their managerial posts to be something like an automatic permission to be rude to everyone in a row. The latter - a bizarre case, categorically not persuasive, much less education from the outside. In a conversation with such a specimen, your main weapon is a maximum of internal (and external!) Dignity and a minimum of resentment: let yourself assert yourself, unhappy. If boorishness for him is the only joy in life, he can only sympathize.
The case of Dobrolyubov will live forever! I confess, I was always embarrassed by the pseudonym of this illustrious critic: how can such a light concept, as kindness, coexist with its kind of activity? It is interesting that amateurs often criticize their not pleasant judgments as a sincere desire to make the world a better place.
"In this dress, you're so fat!", "You're not in shock today." Problems? "," Oh, what bruises under your eyes! " - attentive "Dobrolyubovs" kite pounce on the slightest visible, and sometimes invisible defect. At first glance everything seems to be decent and innocent: a good friend is going through about the presentability of your kind and condition. Although ... Is it too often and to the point of whether she does it?
With the help of criticism in the development of personality, self-affirmation of confidence, often self-asserted insecure men. "You do everything wrong!", "And my ex was more beautiful than you!" - such remarks are wounded in earnest. However, a little girl guesses that behind them there is an acute awareness of her own inferiority and the desire to suppress the partner by any means.
"You just do not take criticism!" - the uncomfortable fighter for justice is indignant.
To check the purity of his impulses is not difficult: it is only necessary, choosing the moment, to indicate (but only tactfully and with absolutely innocent expression) any error on his part. And watch the reaction. If offended or offended, it means that you are dealing with another form of self-assertion at someone else's expense.
A very interesting variant of self-assertion is a tacit but stubborn rivalry for the right to be called the most-self. For example, you buy a new dress and inadvertently brag about your friend: let him appreciate this beauty before some daring party. The girlfriend estimates. And the party comes ... in a dress of the same style, but only with a more vivid coloring and complete with absolutely stunning accessories. As a result, she is admired as a goddess, and you are written into pathetic imitators - everyone knows that you are friends!
At work The Best of the Best simply give out other people's ideas for their own, in personal relationships - lead potential and real partners. Their complexes and inability to develop ideas themselves, they skillfully disguise the desire for leadership and deliberate aplomb. Plus - it's very convenient - to use the workings created by others!
Communicate with the best of the best - it's a troublesome business. With such a friend always waiting for a dirty trick: you never know what she wants to compete with you this time.
It's a pity, but sometimes the features of this psychotype wake up even in a friend, tested by fire, water and copper pipes - under the influence of personal stagnation or momentary weakness. Your task is to stop in time the attempt to use you as a springboard for self-affirmation. And at the same time - not to succumb to the temptation to stand out yourself at the expense of a person who is not indifferent to you. After all, the best are such in spirit and definition, and not in comparison with others.
Gossips are a special category of self-affirming ones. Some individuals do not feed bread only, let them look in the eyes of those around them with "information masters". The realization that only one is known to him (one) is a piquant secret, often endows a person with considerable authority in his own eyes.
"Let's step aside, I'll tell you about Vasechkina such ..." - knowingly staring, the familiar "telegraph" is broadcasting. And you obediently withdraw: the rate of curiosity rarely misfires! A couple of minutes you are already aware of all the love and career changes in your environment. While you are digesting the abundance of the news received, the "telegraph" feels deep satisfaction (uttered!) And picks a look in search of a new listener.
I will not hide it, sometimes the presence of a gossip next to it can be very useful: how little news he can bring to your attention. Although there is a significant disadvantage: its information is rarely tested and often - bloated, for the sake of red words. Therefore, it is worth keeping in mind the distance. First, the presence of gossip friends does not have a positive effect on your reputation. Secondly, who knows what part of your own life can serve as an occasion for the next incredible stories? "Telegraphs" do not understand who the friend is, and who the enemy is, and grind the bones for everyone.
We are all far from the ideal, and make mistakes, is inherent in us by nature itself. It happens that one or another of our actions or words can seriously hurt another person. Sometimes it's fair, sometimes it's not.
Some people so painfully experience the behavior of those around them that does not correspond to their personal attitudes, that they perceive the slightest misconduct as a challenge. And immediately proceed to military operations.
To offend (and to the depth of the soul) an overly suspicious person can do anything. Not the look, the greeting or the ordinary gossip from the side: "You know, but they told me that you do not like L". "The best defense is an attack," the wounded Raider decides and immediately puzzles with counterstrike issues. In business there are also small hairpins in the address of the grievous-offender, and dirty tricks like unflattering comments behind a back, and even stipulations before higher.
It's funny, but those who allegedly stand behind such wiles often do not even suspect their "guiltiness" and are genuinely perplexed about the hostile behavior of a completely stranger. Absolute tact is not trained by anybody: one can not calculate what your phrase or gesture can provoke someone's undeserved resentment.
There is only one way out, and, alas, only after the fact: frankly talk with the dissatisfied. Do not attack, do not make a claim, but try to find out exactly what you have managed to offend. Usually such a sensible approach is a great way to sober up - the Avengers themselves are afraid to openly clarify the relationship to death.
It turns out that flattery can also be used as self-assertion. Not only to achieve with it a specific goal, but also just to feel like a great expert on souls and an experienced manipulator.
As there are critics who undergo negative analysis of everyone and everything, so there are people who do not think their life without daily flattery (professional flatterers like PR people, sellers and advertisers of all kinds, of course, do not concern this category). They give out their deliberateness and sometimes the absolute absurdity of praise: they can admire the frankly unsuccessful choice of a hairstyle or attire and give out whole placer compliments on a failed project at work. Sometimes it even seems that their flattery is actually a veiled mockery intended for the intimacy of the interlocutor. And this often corresponds to reality!
However, in fairness, it is worthwhile to distinguish another subspecies. Some grief-worshipers are so deprived of ordinary human attention that they are ready to say a lot of compliments, if only they are smiled in return and appreciated their efforts.
"You are today as good as ever!" - tells you a friend at the time, as you are perplexed contemplate in the mirror the soft green color of your face and reddened after a sleepless night of the eye. Your first reaction is to be outraged and accused of flattery. Do not rush. Perhaps this man just wants to make you feel good, even with the help of frank lies.
Self-confident, loving and not deprived of love and attention, people rarely ask questions of suppressing others - they have nothing to be jealous of, because they have enough of their own qualities for successful self-realization.
Self-affirmation at the expense of others is a deliberately losing choice, it creates only the illusion of success. A person will still feel the shakiness of his position and is unlikely to get rid of the usual complexes.