Excessive guardianship of parents: benefit or torture for children?

How often in life we ​​come across the fact that any positive quality, manifested in immoderate quantities, grows into its opposite, acquiring negative features. Therefore, the parental love and care directed to the beloved child every minute and hourly turn into an intrusive care that is capable not only of poisoning the child's childhood, but also has far-reaching consequences, forming an infantile non-initiative person. Overly caring parents see a threat to their heir in everything - he seems to them always hungry, sick and pale, dressed not in the weather, upset because of trouble at school or at work. When children grow up, the state of heightened anxiety in their parents does not disappear, but with the appearance of grandchildren only increases many times, so this torture begins to be felt not only by a fairly mature, but also a very young generation. Well, parents do not want to understand that their children have long learned to cook buckwheat porridge, to travel independently on trains, to fly in airplanes and even to bring up their own children. And they do not need a huge amount of various supplies, preserves and preserves, so that the house eventually begins to resemble supermarket counters.

All parents try to raise their children the way they would like to see them, and in this connection they choose a certain tactic corresponding to the established type of family relations. However, excessive parental care develops into its opposite - dictate, violence against the child's personality, although it would seem that such care is only to protect his child from the difficulties that arise in his path. But what a huge distance separates the affectionate participation from this rigid authoritarianism!

What does this lead to? The weak sprouts of instinctual independence are suppressed, as they say, "in the bud", and the completely natural "I myself" turns into an almost indifferent "Let my father decide", "I'll ask my mother," "Ask my parents, let them help." Sometimes, walking along such a path, parents face manifestations of childish despotism, because a child very early learns to play on the feelings of parents and cheat, benefiting from the situation. Children of overly caring parents, as a rule, are selfish and not independent. Boys become typical "mama's sons", who even after marriage are too attached to their mother and can not do without her care, advice. It comes to that ordinary porridge and borsch, cooked by a young wife, they do not seem to them like their mother. The girls get married fairly late, waiting for a fairy prince on a white horse.

Often in adolescence, the guardians seek to throw off the yoke of everyday concern, which generates family conflicts. Parents who are guided even by the interests, as they see it, of their own child, should moderate their ardor, because protests and "uprisings" of transition age indicate that the family is not comfortable for the teenager. Over time, this upbringing can bring its own "fruits", which will result in youth arrogance, intolerance in the team and excessive demands (not to yourself - to others). Often children who are accustomed to experiencing the excessive care of their parents do not cope with the difficulties of independent life, returning to the "parent wing" while simultaneously considering the father and mother to be the perpetrators of their failed family or career, and therefore, with children, parents are mixed with quiet hatred.

What to do in this situation? Parents should be aware of their mistakes in time and correct their chosen educational strategy so that it does not lead to such deplorable results and broken fates.