Family happiness

Often, men and women over thirty suddenly catch themselves thinking: "You set your goals, climb, strive, achieve, and, you have almost everything you could possibly dream about ... But for some reason it's empty. And unhappy. "

When I asked such people that they think about the past period of time during which they achieved their goals, they rarely remember anything at all. More precisely, the memory stores a formal chain of events, a person consoles himself, that much has been done, mentally congratulates himself on what has been achieved, but the memories themselves "do not warm". And this is the essence of the problem - life was not lived, but run through, experienced in haste and hecticness, in many ways was denied, in many respects a cross was placed. And from the achievements and there is no pleasure. And even children and family quickly turn into routine - still, a person "reached" a wedding, produced a child, but further life is something that consists of a process! And he is already "bored", he needs new goals, new "conquests".

We will conditionally name one category of people as resultants, and the other as procedural. They are formed in different ways. The psychologist of the resultant arises in constant demands from the society, parents, relatives: you must achieve this and that, or else you will be considered a failure. The resultant does not know how to be content with what he is, he is always dissatisfied with himself, with his standard of living, he constantly compares himself with others (as his parents most likely compared him). And that is why there is always someone or something that does not allow him to live peacefully, forcing him to put ever higher goals and to rush to them with all his might. The vulnerability of this position is that such a person does not always have enough time and desire to think: are these his goals? And does he really need to have what he so strives for? After all, the needs of all are really different. And without having time to think about whether he specifically needs the wealth or status indicated, or even the family, the resultant turns out to be a hostage of ideas that can actually contradict his subconscious aspirations. After all, any person in the subconscious has a corner of true desires, if you like - his mission in this world. But there is no time to think about this either.

Liliana, a successful business woman. Her husband is a respectable businessman, she is the owner of a network of beauty salons. Both of them aspired to prosperity, they hastened to "take their own," which included money, the creation of a family, and the birth of a child. And suddenly, at the age of thirty-one, Liliana realizes that she does not know her teenage daughter at all, who "for some reason" started using drugs! And "for some reason" does not understand at all, why her husband became indifferent to her. She can easily list everything she has achieved, but can not really answer the question of what tastes her husband has, what he really is about, what he dreams about, just as she is for him a somewhat abstract woman. And on his birthday he gives her all the same roses, although she does not like them. Their album is full of photos from exotic countries, but when I ask to describe some romantic moment, a moment of real unity - she suddenly starts to cry. Because the memory is silent. And does not save a two-story apartment in Sokolniki, nor three mink fur coats, nor even their own business - after all, it is not chosen. But because it is "prestigious, profitable, stable."

The trouble with all the results is boredom, fatigue from what surrounds them, a constant desire to change partners (after all, that / that has already been won, it is necessary yet!) And the establishment that the outside world must constantly give them incentives - new "baits", entertainment, shakes. Once Milan Kundera wrote that the speed is directly proportional to the force of oblivion. This means that the faster we go through life, the less we remember and the poorer our inner world, while a person who wants to really fill it involuntarily slows down steps, savoring every step, every memory or mental movement, each your sigh.

Processus also grows out of interest in his own "I". For him, the principle of "know yourself" is not an empty phrase. In addition to interest in himself, he has no less interest in the world. He does not hurry, and therefore learns everything much deeper than his opponent. It is the processual man who can enjoy one partner for years and he does not know the word "boredom", he can sit on a couch for a couple of hours, come up with a brilliant decision in the field of business and wake up rich tomorrow. He is the "darling of fate", who is lucky, although in reality the secret is simple: he does not hurry anywhere, and therefore manages to allocate the main thing and correctly use his abilities and the possibilities of the world. His philosophy is simple: every moment of life should be enjoyed, because the next may not be!

Maxim - now in high demand designer. At first, his path was not easy: he searched for himself for a long time, refused to work where he did not like, was satisfied with the small. However, with a soul doing that work, in which he was actually in love, after a while he was able to make himself known. And began to invest in advertising their ideas and solutions. A couple of years later, a partner found himself, ready to invest in a common business. It went well, there was prosperity. I managed to buy a house, to get a car. And after some time, met and the "woman of dreams." What is interesting is that Maxim leads a rather closed way of life, he sits for hours at the pictures, builds computer solutions for them. A lot of work in the house, the newly born child. And he does not hurry anywhere. It's nice to look at him - he's happy.

The race for the result , which was not properly understood, can be likened to a neurotic reaction: people seem to run away from themselves, hide behind achievements, as if wanting to say "look at me, you can not have any claims to me, I have furnished you all, I have everything, respect me! "And it sounds like a cry for help. Because behind this is often the fear - the fear of emptiness inside, the fear of underestimation of others, and it turns out that such a person is not confident in himself - otherwise he would live as he wants. And he would not care what others think. But if there is no inner knowledge of oneself, there is no sense of inner rightness - then you can only shield yourself from the truth by race after results. Where the main thing is not to be alone with yourself.