According to statistics, almost half of married women are sure that the child does not communicate with his father enough. The most interesting thing is that men also recognize this. However, only 36%. The rest are convinced that they pay the closest attention to the children. At the same time, about 12% of women say that their husbands do not just do little with children, but in general behave as if they have no children. By the way, in Germany and Hungary only 2% of the representatives of the weaker sex accuse husbands of not fulfilling their father's duties. There is something to think about, is not it?
Son - friendship, daughter - praise
Psychologists are convinced: children of any age need the love and attention of their father. And of any gender. According to experts, if the boy does not feel the support of his father, he "absorbs" the maternal model of behavior, in which the male role simply sags. As a result, such a boy can not only turn into a "mother's son", but, as an adult, create an inferior family. After all, in order to become a man, it is not enough to be born a man - you also need a role model. The boy should feel like a man, act like a man, etc.
Girls have their own relationship with the pope. After all, the father helps her daughter realize that she is beautiful, intelligent, successful. Mom can repeat a hundred times that the daughter is beautiful and clever, but she will most likely miss these words. If the father compliments the daughter, the daughter will remember him for a long time, and most importantly - will believe that she is really clever and beautiful.
In addition, the girl usually wants to see in her chosen ones the same qualities that she liked in her father. That is, it is the pope who becomes the bar to which all candidates will have to jump to her hand and heart ...
That's why it's so important to tear your husband away from your favorite newspaper and TV, reminding him that he has a child who needs it (you can even slip him to read this text). Psychologists believe that, even if the father will give his offspring daily only 30 minutes, the child will feel more secure, confident and happy. What attention do children expect from their fathers?
In childhood, the most important thing is to see and feel not only mother, but also father. Studies have shown that infants, whose fathers took the most active part in their upbringing, are less likely to cry, do not fear strangers, are more relaxed. Therefore, at this stage, the pope requires the same as, in fact, from his mother - to take the child more often in his arms, stroke him, talk with him. Let the kid do not understand that the daddy mumbles to him with a hoarse bass, but he will surely catch the tender intonation. So persuade your husband not to be afraid of a little son or daughter (many men do not take children in their arms, arguing that they might accidentally hurt them). Show your wife how to properly hold the baby, how to bathe, feed, etc.
Worse, if a man perceives an infant as a competitor, stole the lion's share of your attention. In this case, let your husband understand that you understand how difficult it is for him-his father's instinct is gradually formed, and it's sometimes not easy to get over his egoism. However, explain to the spouse that the love of the child does not in any way negate your love for him.
And be more careful during this period to your faithful. As found by British and American scientists, 5% of men sometimes develop a real ... postpartum depression. If you see that your spouse, after the birth of the baby, has become aggressive or, conversely, depressed, call him to a frank conversation (even better, consult a therapist). After all, this behavior of her husband ricochet not only for his own health, but also for the health of ... the child. According to scientists, among boys of 3-5 years of age, problems with behavior were 2 times more common in those whose fathers suffered postpartum depression. (In girls, however, this effect was less expressed.) Apparently, women initially had a stronger mentality ...)
So the conclusion is simple: the child should see the dad in a good mood! Even if he has a job at work. Even if his favorite football team lost with a shameful account. Even if the crucian carp spits out the bait on fishing, and the mother-in-law speaks through the teeth for a month ...
Five to nine: do without criticism!
At this time, the pope can play with his child in active games. Yes, even in the same football or hockey (by the way, many girls chase the ball and the puck too willingly). We guarantee: both sides will be satisfied!
There is another pleasant "side effect" of this communication. According to the results of the research, the fathers during the games give more scope to the child than the mother. Representatives of the stronger sex allow children to experiment, getting to know the surrounding world. Mom, as a rule, now and then limit the child: "Do not go there, it's dangerous!", "Get off the tree, you'll fall!", "Get out of the puddle - you'll get your feet wet," etc.
However, while the child gets acquainted with the surrounding world, the father should refrain from criticizing the child. Otherwise, the child will not enjoy the game. It is much better to praise him for his successes - this will inspire him. Therefore, no replicas like: "Get off, you do not know how to climb a tightrope!" Or "Yes, who is giving the ball! Where do your hands grow! ". If a child does not succeed, we need to show what and how to do.
Another honorable function that can be assigned to a husband is the execution of lessons. It is not necessary to constantly sit next to the child, but to check whether the son has solved the problem in mathematics correctly, Papa is perfectly able (and mom at this time can safely cook macaroni or wash clothes).
Ask your husband to double your attention if you have a preschooler's son. During this period, sexual identification occurs - a complex process when the girl "reads" and "absorbs" the behavior of the mother, the boy - the father. Ask your husband to be especially attentive to his son. Let them talk more often about something of their own, men's, go together to walk, etc.
From nine to fifteen: become friends!
During this period, the role of the father is even greater. It is the pope who often becomes an expert on school problems. It is he who teaches his son how to behave with peers (and, if necessary, explains how to rebuff them). It is he who tells the boy about those physiological changes that await him (with the girl on intimate topics it is better to talk to the mother).
True, sometimes the opposite happens - the relationship of the son with the father in this period is sharply worsening. Psychologists attribute this to the fact that a teenager, seeing in the father of a competitor, tries to prove to him and all around his position. And if the father, in turn, also wants to "press him to the nail," good relations can be interrupted. Therefore, the most optimal in the adolescent period is to adhere to the policy of friendly neutrality. A practical advice can be afforded, a threat - never.
The relationship of the father with the teenage daughter is generally a separate topic. Many representatives of the stronger sex are embarrassed to bathe their daughters, even when they are six months old. When the lady turns fifteen and she starts to paint her lips, wear short skirts and meet boys, fathers are generally lost. How to behave with it? Is it possible to punish and if possible, how? You can not put it in a corner, you can not slap a soft place - after all, it's almost a girl ... Or is it better to immediately put under house arrest?
Many fathers, never having found answers to these questions, are simply removed from their adult daughter, hiding their awkwardness over their stern austerity or cynical mockery. However, according to psychologists, this is a big mistake! At best, the girl, feeling embarrassed by the pope, will "swing" money out of him. At worst, he would be mortally offended by his father for indifference. She does not understand why she suddenly fell into disgrace ...
The best thing that your husband can do in this period is to become friends with his daughter. If she has committed some unseemly offense, the father can and should talk with her, explaining why she did wrong (for the daughter, the opinion of the father is very important!). But you can not afford to humiliate your daughter - it will give her complexes for life.