Resentment can arise if a person behaves not at all the way we expected him to. My friend broke up with her husband, who was, in my opinion, a good person, because of the garbage. It had to be taken out at a certain time, then there were no containers and plastic bags and people in the buckets took out the garbage. And in the family of her parents, the man took out the garbage, it was his duty. The friend concluded that if she does not take out the trash, then she does not like, does not respect, and puts it to shame. Naturally, there were plenty of grievances between the young spouses, but she remembers this offense for about forty years.
Ways to get rid of grievances
Friends often give advice to spit and forget when we tell them again about their grievances. And they give such advice not casually, because the person who was offended, is a bad interlocutor, he speaks only about how someone offended him. But if we try to force the insult out of memory, if we stop talking about it, it will poison our existence anyway. How to overcome the insult - to quench it: revenge, throw on another person. Another option would be how the boss arranged for his subordinate spacing, and he, in turn, came home, broke on his son, the son hit the dog, and the offended dog clutched his father's leg, so the circle closed.
But these tips do not work, what should I do? Suffering from resentment, jealousy, anger and fear, this is depression and stress, loss of meaning in life, laziness, failure and disease. Mental suffering, this is the fruit of the unhealthy philosophy of life, the fruit of wrong thinking. The only way to get rid of insult - you need to think about it. Take responsibility for your feelings. And to make for this 8 preparatory and consistent steps.
Step 1
To relive his resentment, return to it, and remember how the behavior changed, what thoughts came to mind. It would be better to write everything down, my friend wrote letters to her abusers, but did not always send them, now she has a notebook to work with her grievances.
Step 2
Write in detail how the person who offended me should behave, so that I do not take offense at him. And, probably, the right option would be that he invited me to smoke and explain to me where I was wrong and what I did wrong.
Step 3
Answer the question why he should have done this. From which come the accepted norms, traditions, laws and so on.
Step 4
What can be the reasons for his behavior, we need not justifications, but explanations. And to list for yourself all the different options.
Step 5
Does he do this to everyone, or did he do this to me only?
Step 6
Can this person be capable of what I expected from him, and could he meet these expectations?
Step 7
What emotions and feelings accompanied my insult? Hopelessness? Hatred? Fear? Anger? and so on.
Step 8
Forgiveness is not an excuse. Farewell and forgiveness are the words of one root. Removing his mind of resentment, absolution. I can not control it. I will not be able to force my abuser to behave as I would like. I leave him to face real life and correct his mistakes himself. You should create your own image of forgiveness, a symbol. For example, my friends have an image of a birch, I have a stream of light, someone has an image of the sky, some have roads. Resentment ends in forgiveness, you need to say forgiveness in words, you need to imagine a person who has offended you, connect with this insult and address your imaginary offender, while saying these words:
1. You are to blame for the fact that ... and the more details are said, the better. To say which in this case the details of the agreement were violated, and to check whether you have presented everything.
2. It would be correct if he did so, while talking without a particle is not.
3. Probably, he had for that reason to do so, as did the abuser. Describe all possible causes.
4. And, although he may have had his reasons, I still feel insulted.
5. Despite my feelings and what you did, I decide to forgive you. And let go.
6. But all this does not mean that it was not, I release you. We must call this image of forgiveness, unite with it, and send a torrent of love to the offender.
Thanks to the above methods, you can get rid of resentment and forgive your abuser. The process of forgiveness is painful. But if you do not get rid of the offense, then it can destroy a person.