In one of the humorous programs there was a story about the first meeting of a man and a woman. They agreed to ask at the meeting 3 questions that interest everyone.
He will ask the questions: "What kind of flowers do you like?" Who are you by the sign of the zodiac? What kind of cuisine do you prefer? "
She will ask questions: "In what district is your apartment? What brand is your car? How much money is in your bank account? "
Many women on the first date resemble not romantic heroines at all, but some kind of bank employees who make a decision on granting a loan. Therefore, many men such a business approach makes it faster to retire.
Often, at the first interview, an interrogation is conducted with passion, likening to a meticulous investigator, trying to convey their dignity to the interlocutor, cracking without stopping. All taken together can not promote the development of relations. As evidenced by psychological research, in just one minute the first impression of a person is formed.
Then this impression is either refuted or confirmed, it takes much more time. How to make the first meeting not over in a minute, but would be a continuation of a friendly or romantic relationship.
As a rule, we like those who are like us. With such people it is easier to communicate and easier to get along. People, between whom there is trust and good contact, begin to behave in a similar way. It turns out in order to please another person you need to be like him. And it is not necessary for this to say yes through each word to his interlocutor, and copy all his gestures like a monkey.
It is enough to build a dialogue around his interests and find common ground. Do not get upset if there are no points, do you need a person with whom you do not have and there will be nothing in common? There are several secrets of communication with which you can interest the person you like, and also to understand whether you need to continue to communicate with him. Let's look at the secrets of communication and the skills of an interesting and attractive companion.
Select the topic of the conversation
Important in the first meeting to continue the relationship is the topic of the conversation. So a person determines how interesting you are to him. The most win-win option will be talking about the person himself. But in this burning topic it is necessary to mention only what is interesting to the interlocutor, what is important for him, and not to say only what is interesting for you. For example, about his bank account, about work, if he is not an inveterate workaholic. Only women sin that on a date they turn into a pedantic personnel officer who finds out what kind of candidate and how much he meets the stated requirements. Of course, such questions need to be clarified, but it's best to do it gradually and unobtrusively.
Beliefs
People highly value their beliefs, and if you find something that is interesting and important to the interlocutor, you can become for him a very interesting person. For the interlocutor values may be a desire to help others, career, relationships with people, love for animals, charity, thrift and other such beliefs. For example, you can find out from the interlocutor what value he gives time.
You will understand this very quickly if you are late for a date, whether this is a value for him. Express your solidarity with the words: "I really understand you, because I do not like myself when someone is late." You, therefore, adjust to his beliefs, and in the conversation bring in the community of your views. If you manage to find a common language, then the interlocutor you can make a much better impression. And for a long time he will not want to stop communicating with you.
Based on such considerations, at the first meeting you need to build a conversation about yourself around the moments that relate to the values of the interlocutor. If he does sports, tell me about your sport achievements, if you are far from sports, then do not mention it until you have any other overlapping interests.
Personal experience
Two anglers, two nurses, two accountants meeting each other, will quickly find a common language. It can also happen if you meet a person who studied with you at a university or at a school. Your personal experiences or "maps" intersect and in these areas of intersection become an element of "similarity", a common support. For this reason, romances in educational institutions and at work are easy. Even common, simple experiences help to establish contact and trust.
You will remember common friends, similar situations you have encountered, places where you have been and so on. At each stage of communication, nod in agreement, insert phrases in the conversation, which will make it clear that you are tuned to one common wave with the interlocutor. If there is no joint experience, you can easily create it, for example, visit a social event or theater.
Spend the first meeting in some memorable place, so that you later have, as much as possible, joint emotions. Remember that nothing should break this meeting, if he is very afraid of jumping with a parachute, then this meeting will not seem to him successful. The main thing is for the person to whom you so want to please, showed himself in the best way, and could not get into a situation where he feels insecure.
Manage conversation
At the first meeting people do not know each other yet, they feel rather constrained. For this reason, the conversation may lead to a dead end. But often we do not let the current conversation sluggishly turn into lively communication. And it turns out because we do not know how to manage the conversation, we ask the wrong questions. Open questions begin with the words "when", "how", "why", "why and so on, and require an expanded answer.
At the very beginning of the conversation, open-ended questions are a real wand. If you ask a question to your partner "Why did he choose this car?", He will begin to talk enthusiastically about his car, and thus you can encourage the interlocutor to continue the conversation. If you ask closed questions that suggest an unequivocal answer "yes" or "no, for example," Is this an expensive car? ", Then such a conversation will quickly reach a dead end.
Here are examples of such a different approach
- It seems to me that the work of the journalist is very interesting, tell me why did you like this profession? Is an open question.
- Do you love your profession? - Closed question.
Open questions are appropriate to get information, and closed questions are appropriate to clarify this information.
To be able to listen
If your interlocutor is a person who expresses his emotions spontaneously, is an active person, then it will be hard for him to communicate with a passive person who hides his emotions. People expect a similar reaction, that's how they realize that they are understood. Proceeding from this, try to adjust to the movements, gestures and facial expressions of the partner. And it is not necessary to copy everything that the interlocutor does, just behave in general terms also.
If you speak with a temperamental person, try to back up your words with gestures, speak faster, express your emotions more vividly. With interesting people with whom it is pleasant to communicate, one good quality unites, they say little about themselves, but at the same time they let their interlocutor understand that he is interesting to him, significant to him and understood by him. This skill is called active listening skill. A person does not just silently, listens to the interlocutor, but also actively encourages the partner. This all creates a good atmosphere of closeness between two people and trust. A few secrets that you can take advantage of.
Reiteration
Insert your partner's quotes into your own phrases "Do you think a woman should not work?" Repeat the last words of the partner word-for-word. Try to repeat with a questioning intonation a couple of words pronounced by the partner.
Paraphrasing
Brief essence of the partner's statements. Try to formulate in a laconic form what the partner said. Follow your own logic, but follow the logic of the partner.
Interpretation
The statement of the assumption of the true meaning of what has been said. Ask clarifying questions, "You probably say this because ...?", "You probably mean that ...?". Use the technique of conditional hypotheses or probing questions: "Maybe you would like to ...?"
Comparison
A look at a different problem - "You said that you can not drive a car, but I see how you professionally bypass all traffic jams?".
Refinement
"When you talk about ... what do you have in sight?". Using these techniques, you can help to get closer to each other quickly, establish trust, and tune in with one person on the same wavelength. So, being interested in another person, you can relax and feel confident. Remember the important rule that the interlocutor, this mirror, which reflects our shortcomings and our dignity.
Now we know about the first date: the secret of success, listen to the secrets of success, and if you can reflect the best qualities that a partner values in oneself, then you will receive the title of the most charming and interesting woman in the world.