Actually, the "second honeymoon" is more often called a journey after the second wedding, when the spouses organize a real marriage ceremony, on which they again swear to love each other and exchange rings. At many resorts such a ceremony is one of the services rendered to tourists. And yet, where better to spend a honeymoon?
However, as a joint life can do without a wedding, and the second honeymoon - without a special ceremony. It's enough just to decide to go somewhere far away from the world, or at least just outside the city, turn off the phones and devote all the time only to each other. And the benefits of such a vacation can be enormous. So much so that, say, in Malaysia, the state authorities of Terengganu announced that they will pay joint holidays to all couples on the verge of divorce. However, to get such a free vacation, it is not enough just to declare your intention to part - you need to undergo special testing. According to official representatives of Malaysia, they went for it because the breakup of the family "hits children" and "has serious consequences in society."
Without five minutes, a divorce is, of course, an extreme situation, here often one trip to the Maldives does not solve the problem. It is much easier to organize a second honeymoon (and also the third and fourth), just feeling that in the family "something goes wrong." It is no accident that women are the initiators of such trips: because of greater emotional sensitivity, the beautiful sex usually performs in pairs a role of a kind of "barometer" that sensitively tracks the slightest changes in the conjugal climate. However, the decision to leave should be taken together, like all other decisions concerning the two - this goes without saying.
The second honeymoon is often prescribed by family psychotherapists - when they see that there are no deep problems in the pair, and those that are available can be improved by such a correction. Many clients, however, have to be convinced that it is worth trying, because they begin to ask questions: "What are we going to do there? And what will I have from this? ". This is asked by rational, pragmatic people who are looking for benefits in everything. So they discount the feelings, the emotional world as something immaterial. And here it is better to rely on experience, not on beliefs: having tried once in a life a holiday that does not carry pragmatic goals, even such rations are "planted" on it as a drug.
Depreciation of feelings is one of the main reasons that leads couples to the offices of psychotherapists and to travel agencies in search of romantic places for recreation. It's no secret that with years of living together, romance in relationships is getting smaller, fatigue from everyday problems is more, and if there are children, then other spouses do not leave time for themselves and for each other. Of course, this can not but affect sexual relations. For sex after several years of marital life there is even a special unpleasant term - a sexual routine. Sexual routine is such a mode of sexual life, when partners know in advance which scenario the sexual act will pass from prelude to completion.
Such a scenario is usually developed in the first months of a joint life, when two in bed get to know each other, draw individual maps of erogenous zones, study the ways of achieving orgasm. Through trial and error, trouble-free techniques are sought: where to caress, where to kiss, in what rhythm to move, in order to obtain a guaranteed pleasure. But the more often this script is used, the sooner the pleasure disappears: the feeling that once fills caresses and movements disappears, the excitement of searching, the joy of discovery disappears. This is where the second honeymoon comes to the rescue, a wise man who knows full well that every new thing is an old one buried under a layer of unnecessary things.
Education of the senses
Often, describing their feelings after several years of marriage, the couple are puzzled: "Where did love disappear? It seems to go nowhere, but why is it not as it was before? "Feelings do not really disappear if they were initially strong enough and deep. Just married, our world is structured quite differently, and we are for each other - no longer a man and a woman, the only ones in the whole world, but a husband and wife (even if the marriage is civil). The relationship "man-woman" is romantic by nature, and "husband-wife" is domestic, social. The fulfillment of everyday tasks and functions is so full of our time that we are not enough to express our feelings. And the main thing that once connected the pair, moved to the distant future, although it never disappears. Love has not gone, but it has no place in our busy schedule. In marriage, there is no place for rituals of courtship - they are meaningless, since two have already found and conquered each other. And if you add also the medical fact that with the age of both men and women, the production of sex hormones decreases - do not be surprised that sex after ten years of marriage is not the same as on a honeymoon.
In joint vacations, each other becomes much more - simply because they are not structured by our daily duties, they are left in another life. And then the place of the spent rituals and scenarios is improvised. You can give each other, any signs of attention, wander around the narrow streets of unfamiliar cities, take a shower together, seek solitude on the beach at night ... Usually the spouses are happy to discover that in such a situation the desire to make each other pleasant to them is equally strongly, as in the first months of acquaintance. Even stingy on the emotions of men can open the door, behind which are unclaimed reserves of tenderness.
It is no wonder that usually in romantic trips with the purpose of "freshening feelings" couples who have adult children already start up: the lack of the need to take care of offspring frees up a lot of free time. And it is also clear why the fashion for the second honeymoon came to us from the West. It's just there usually taken out of the children to an independent life pretty early - just by the time all the loans are paid out, and you can spend money on yourself with a quiet conscience. As for conjugal sex, the lack of scenarios influences him extremely positively. When the love games are given not half an hour on Sunday morning, but at least round the clock, the fantasy starts to work at full power - even if at first it is lost from such unprecedented freedom until now. Actually, many in order to experience incredible sensations, it is enough just to change the scene: from a matrimonial bed to a hotel jacuzzi, a secluded beach, a tent in the forest, even a train compartment or a plane toilet. A change in the situation is always exciting, and the presence of a certain percentage of adrenaline for many only benefit.
We can say, therefore, we return in the first months of acquaintance and again experiment, but now we are older and more experienced, we are already able to explain to the partner what we want in bed. Even if you have to do this not by direct text, but through joint viewing of an erotic film or pornography (in good hotels there are always erotic ones among the set of TV channels), leafing through magazines, reading out to each other "hot" scenes from read books, walking through sex shops. There are cities and countries in which one can not go past very inspiring erotic performances in special theaters - Paris, Amsterdam, Thailand ...
In addition, on vacation, it is possible to negate the attention of the annoying external world, which also strives to call us on the mobile not switched off at the most sweet moments. Feeling of anxiety and fear, which we sometimes can not get rid of in the commotion of everyday life worries, comes to naught, because vacation is by definition the situation as safe and comfortable as possible. Especially it helps to relax the beautiful sex. A woman achieves a state of sexual arousal, unlike a man, quite slowly, and she can be taken out of this state with the slightest concern. Men, although they are arranged a little differently, are very similar to us in this, as they believe at present. Yes, a healthy man achieves erections quickly and easily, but a slight careless phrase on the part of a partner or a phone call from his superiors can permanently deprive a man of confidence in his sexual abilities and even the very desire for sex. Therefore, the rule "turn off the phones!" - for the second honeymoon iron. Ideally, the Internet is better not to go, and do not read newspapers. And really, ideally - in principle, not to drag into the family of working problems in the form of overtime or discussing business matters on a home phone without interruption from dinner.
A fly in the ointment
Nobody will be able to spoil the honeymoon as impeccably as we do. First of all, our unwillingness to abandon the problems of the "outside world". This affects not only business people, but restless moms, even during sex with your loved ones worrying: how there is a child? Even if the "child" is already a teenager and knows how to take care of himself. To prevent such a state, it is desirable, of course, to settle all matters before the trip: to deal with arrears of work, to securely arrange a child - in a summer camp or with relatives. But the main thing - and the most difficult - is to try, finally, to understand that it is impossible to control everything in the world, and just relax.
Many of us manage to take with them on a romantic journey a bunch of anxieties and fears in return for those left in ordinary life. For example, we are afraid to behave in bed too freely: what if a man with whom you have always been a modest person will consider you dissolute? Suddenly he will consider your desires obscene? In fact, as practice shows, if your partner is surprised, then this is just a pleasant surprise. Most likely, you will only be glad to know what you will become if you do not need to play some roles and templates.
But it happens that such "role games" are practiced not only in bed, but also in life. We can portray happy spouses and caring parents, but in private we have nothing to say to each other. Often this is revealed just in the second honeymoon, when the need to play roles disappears and it becomes clear that once upon a time we were united not by feeling, but by joint work, friendly sympathy or the upbringing of a child. And when the rituals structuring our reality recede - we see that behind them there was emptiness. Here, then, the honeymoon turns into its opposite: instead of many more happy years, we have a divorce process ahead of us. On the one hand, this is not very fun, on the other - it is not known how long a marriage built on mutual illusions can last?