The Secret Life
Suddenly learn that a partner is engaged in masturbation, for many it becomes a shock. Women in such circumstances, especially often feel humiliated, perceive this as a loss of desire for themselves. They think that this way of self-satisfaction of the husband speaks about their sexual inconsistency. Men, finding a partner for self-satisfaction, do not feel such a threat to their masculinity. And this is understandable: female masturbation is concentrated mainly on the clitoris, it does not interfere with coitus, but, on the contrary, can serve as a love prelude. Women are capable of multiple orgasms, so a man can believe that a woman who caresses herself, is preparing to take it again. In addition, men rarely fall out a case so close to see the female sexual organs, they are hidden because of their location. To catch your favorite for masturbation means to open the veil of her secrets. And this, of course, excites!
Pleasure for yourself
Masturbation does not necessarily play the role of preliminary caress. This is a separate sexual practice, which exists by itself. Autoerotism is a pleasure that does not resemble any other. This is a different sexuality, which exists along with the usual. These two types of eroticism do not compete with each other. To caress yourself is to give yourself minutes that belong only to you. It is an excellent remedy to relax and feel confident in yourself. It is for this caresses a small child. In an adult, such caresses perform other functions.
Guilt
What we hide can cause feelings of guilt not because it is something bad, but only because we hide it. And now they have completely stopped having sex - each one satisfies himself. In this case, partnership relations become redundant. In the long run, self-satisfaction, like any other self-sufficiency, dooms a person to loneliness. From the point of view of the pleasure received, masturbation is inferior to the usual heterosexual act with a close partner: it is he who brings the greatest pleasure, the greatest detente. Ideal sexuality still suggests reciprocity. Adult sexuality is a lesson for two. When partners are more likely to masturbate than have sex, this means that a relationship has appeared in the relationship. If we caress ourselves several times a day, this can indicate a strong anxiety. In this case, it is no longer a sexual desire. This must necessarily talk to a partner or even a psychotherapist. Such a need for masturbation can tell us something different about ourselves. Especially if in childhood we were forbidden to have our secrets. And when they "expose" us, the sense of guilt intensifies. I was caught by my wife. She put her hand over mine, intending to continue herself instead of me ... It was unbearable. I asked her to stop, and we never talked about it again. I think she feels guilty, as if she was not up to par. Although it is absolutely nothing to do with it. It really does not matter.
There are different types of masturbation
Medieval science believed that the seed is derived from lymph, and lymph, in turn, produces the brain. Hence it was concluded that too frequent ejaculation depletes the brain and causes various diseases. This view lasted until the beginning of the XX century. Gradually the attitude to masturbation has changed for the better. In the work of the writers of the Silver Age (AI Remizov, FA Sologub, AA Tinyakov, etc.) masturbation is aesthetized. The philosopher Vasily Rozanov writes: "Among his comrades, the onanist is like an Arabian horse among the bitoyugs." Modern medicine does not see masturbation as a threat to health. Antiquity was condescending to masturbation. In Greece and Rome, special devices were even made for her. Nevertheless, the Latin word "masturbation" has a shade of disapproval, as it literally means "desecration by hand". The Bible tells how God punished Onan, who poured the seed on the ground. Some researchers believe that it was not a masturbation, but an interrupted sexual intercourse. And yet this story served as the basis for condemning masturbation by the church. In ancient Russia, it was called the Greek word "malakia" or Slavic "masturbation" and equated to the evocation of the devil. Today, masturbation is seen as a means of sexual self-discovery and a source of pleasure. Which in this case can not become an equivalent replacement of normal sexual relations "and we resort to them at different times and periods of life. Some caresses calm and immerse in the ocean of sensuality, others excite and take to the realm of fantasy. Any of these options can be beneficial for the couple. They help each partner to recognize their pleasure, which is important for the successful development of sexuality. And besides, they regulate the tension of each partner separately, and in a couple, when one wants to have sex, and the other does not.
An excuse to ponder
The woman's reaction was natural: she wanted to turn everything into a sexual game, to share pleasure. My husband was not ready for this. He says that the partner "was not up to par," so the psychological mechanism of projection works: he attributes his feelings to her. He was not ready to let a woman into the zone of her intimacy. Many women have hypertrophied feelings of guilt. In this case, behind this is the illusion that your man needs and can be whole, if it does not work out, then you are to blame. Meanwhile, most men need some degree of freedom. Therefore, the invasion of this sphere is often perceived as a violation of intimacy and provokes a protest. Do not dramatize. Do not impose or forbid yourself any kindness. Why not just play if it remains a game. It is important that masturbation be enjoyed. An occasion to reflect appears if it becomes the only type of sexual life. We did not suspect what such a new game could lead to. We liked to watch the other caress, or find out that he was just doing it, it was exciting. But over time, we somehow disappeared from each other.