I think, if not in any, in many work collectives there is a reliable employee who is ready to help colleagues in every possible way "in small things": to do something, write some letter, somewhere to run away. Everyone gets used to his "services" and no one thinks about what is most "trouble-free", what he feels and why he became a "runaway boy".
The environment over time completely ceases to interest his life and problems. And if, for some reason, the execution of familiar instructions becomes impossible, refusal is perceived at best as an excuse, and perhaps even as a deliberate insult, a display of disrespect. The fact that the reasons can be strong, colleagues even does not come to mind.
The bosses of "trouble-free" appreciate. But in moderation. On holidays they are encouraged, from time to time praise publicly. Flaws in the performance of their duties are usually forgiven, but they are strictly asked for omissions in the work, "piled up" at the same time, which all others have refused. Promotion of the career ladder for such employees is almost impossible. Their candidacies are not considered in case of vacancies, because, whatever one may say, and their own duties are usually "in the pen," they do not have enough time. In general, two sayings: "Who is lucky, on that and go" and "From the good of good are not looking" - this is just about this case. "Lucky" "trouble-free", and "good" goes to enterprising colleagues and leaders.
Why is this happening? It is usually difficult for an aspiring employee to refuse experienced "old-timers". Who else "run after Klinsky", how not young? Over time, the "natural" situation is a habit. However, the roots are still not the case, because all were young, but most of us successfully coped with the "growth diseases".
The main thing in such situations is low self-esteem. A person is afraid that they will think badly of him or remember him on occasion that he refused to help someone. The formation of low self-esteem is laid down in childhood, when the child is forced to perform the impossible and constantly remind of the limitations of his own abilities, praise only for achievements, and more often blame for failure. If all parents loved their children "just like that" and did not put praise in dependence on success or failure, then adults who were afraid of "being bad" in other people's eyes would be less.
Insecurity in one's own forces causes a constant need for approval of others and leads to the fact that a person agrees to fulfill any requests, even to the detriment of one's own interests. The surrounding see this and actively use, in fact - manipulate the poor man.
To get rid of the consequences of incorrect education in adulthood is difficult, but necessary. To begin with, it is necessary to clearly understand that a person who does not know how to say "no" to others, says "yes" to his own problems.
If even knowing that you are being manipulated, saying "no" does not simply turn the language, you can try to use the common manipulation techniques that are widely used by others around the "fail-safe". In other words, try to "beat the enemy on its territory," and even with his own weapon.
For example, someone constantly "puzzles" you, referring to the catastrophic state of their own health. In conversations with such a "sick" it is useful to recall all their own churches, how they interfere with living and working, how much money and time it takes to get treatment and go for polyclinics. Press on pity, just as they act against you.
In response to nagging about the bitter fate, "turn inside out" your own soul, complain that no one understands you, you received a specialty at the insistence of the parents, married (or married) without love and are now "completely unhappy".
When someone reminds you of a friendly duty, ask the other person to do something for yourself on the same basis, refer to the terrible workload or family troubles. Do not be afraid that the interlocutor will be offended. The manipulator will be surprised and confused by this turn of events. Use the moment for failure.
Of course, in the struggle for one's own freedom, one can not unequivocally dismiss any requests for help. But, when making a decision, be sure to ask yourself questions and try to answer them objectively. Is there enough power to fulfill the request? Is it really necessary? Is there time for help? Do you have a desire to help?
And further. Failure does not mean that you do not respect someone. Simply you soberly estimate the forces. In the end, a justified refusal will only strengthen relations, and not lead to their rupture, as it seems at first. After all, only those who respect themselves, their time and their strength, who are important not only for the opinion of others, but also their own opinion about themselves, have a genuine authority. Good luck.
Alexey Norkin
shkolazit.net.uk