Everyone wants to greet a new member of the family. Are you happy with this idea? Do you want relatives to share your happiness? So, it's a holiday! In large and friendly families it is customary to celebrate the birth of children with pomp: a huge table, guests, gifts. Such traditions have a lot of advantages.
A child becomes a member of the family, many adults take it under their responsibility. Your sense of security is based on the feeling of the elbow. You feel protected when there is a family behind you.
A big holiday is a ritual. Family celebrations help parents adopt a new status, with more ease to move from "newlyweds" to "parents."
A family meeting is also communication. Often, young people move away from older brothers and sisters who have previously acquired children. It seems that they have different interests. And to restore contact when you go to the same "weight category" is sometimes not easy: shyness, and sometimes guilt, interferes. At the festival, however, communication takes place at ease, by itself.
Mom needs a support group. After the birth of the child, the woman often changes her views on life, emotional reactions, way of life. Even if the kid is long-awaited and desired, such changes are a serious stress, to cope with which old friends, alas, can not always help. But the words of support for older women just might remind you once again that what is happening with you is quite natural. And it is at a family meeting that you can find such allies.
However, at a large family gathering during the invitation to the birthday of the baby can also arise some difficulties. Here's how to deal with them.
It is best to meet there, where you will have the opportunity to retire with the baby and relax. The crumb is still very small, it can be hard for him to transfer a large crowd of people. Yes, and you need a place where you can safely feed and put the baby to bed.
In many cultures, such rituals of taking a baby to the family are postponed for a month, and this is no accident. The first month of life is an important period for adapting crumbs to a new life, it is better for him to be at rest at this time without unnecessary stimulation of all senses. Bright light, noise, touch - all this can scare the baby. Therefore, as soon as possible after the birth, announce the date of the upcoming holiday and send out invitations to "a month later." So the relatives will be happy, and you will be able to recover after childbirth, and the nervous system of crumbs gets stronger.
Family meeting and invitations for the birth of a baby can be timed to a religious ritual, if it is accepted in the family. For example, to baptism. This option is acceptable for everyone. In addition, in many cultures, religious rituals just take place about a month after the birth of the child. Do not take the holiday organization for yourself.
Accept help from grandparents or other relatives. It is very important for them to participate in the holiday. And what if you want to organize a holiday, and relatives do not meet such an idea with enthusiasm? As a rule, this happens if you are carriers of different cultures. For example, my mother grew up in a big family, where such holidays are part of life. And the pope is a representative of the urban environment with a narrow family circle. In that case, organize the celebration in your circle. Let not so magnificent, but warm. If family rituals are important to you, they should be.
There is also the opposite situation: relatives dream to see a crumb, and my mother - against. She is frightened by noisy gatherings, she wants to hide with the baby in a secluded corner, so that no one bothers. And this is normal! If your family does not have such traditions, you are not attuned to them. And the desire to "hanging out" at first after birth is almost none of them.The hormonal background of a young mother is that the body requires a cozy shelter, not communication. Usually after a month of adaptation the woman ripens to communication, but then she is embarrassed to invite guests - how time has passed ...
Some mothers are fatigued after giving birth. Many people tend to experience fear, an irrational sense of threat that is beyond the mind and, according to some psychologists, is embedded in the subconscious of every woman. Heavy delivery often leads to general anxiety and fear of a threat to the life of the baby. The crumb seems fragile and vulnerable, and the surrounding world is dangerous and hostile.
The reason for the unwillingness of guests may be psychological trauma due to negative experience: perhaps in your family, such gatherings ended in trouble. Do not be afraid of these feelings: many women adapt to motherhood is on an alarming wave. As a rule, the emotional background stabilizes within a month or two.
How to act in this situation? First of all, understand: you do not owe anything to anyone.
If you do not want to see anyone now, then do not. You can refer to the opinion of a doctor who did not recommend contacts in the first month of life. But in order to preserve peace in the family, think about how to imagine everything to the close. For example, you can mark his first month of life, invite guests to christenings, etc. Discuss this with your husband, most likely, you will find a compromise if his opinion is at odds with yours.
And it's too bad if neither you nor your relatives are eager to organize a celebration in honor of the appearance of crumbs in the world? In many modern urban cultures this is the norm. Young parents do not count on the support of relatives and do not perceive the cohesion of a large family as a necessity. As a rule, in such families no one expects grandmothers to help. To make a big holiday in this situation is not worth it. In the end, any ritual makes sense only when it corresponds to the world view of all its participants.