You probably remember how in the cult series "Sex and the City" one of the main characters, Charlotte, sought from her lover all that she wanted, if she sounded the request, gently touched his hand just above the elbow. The reception was so effective that even on her offer to marry, he answered "Cheerful!", Although he did not plan to go to the crown.
Of course, in the film the situation is slightly exaggerated, but nevertheless the reception with a touch is not from the realm of fantasy. This is one of the types, the so-called anchors - elements of NLP. And family psychologists seriously believe that the method of anchors will allow couples to solve many problems in the relationship. Let's figure out what it's like, how they work and, most importantly, we'll try with their help to make love relations even better.
What is an anchor?
According to psychologists, the anchor is a stimulus that causes a physical or emotional state, and hence a certain behavior. And this stimulus can be anything: image, sound, sensation, taste or even smell. Suppose that you use the perfume Chanel number 5 only on holidays, in everyday life, you prefer perfumes easier. But one day you wanted to use Chanel for nothing, without any reason. Having perfumed, you immediately felt a slight excitement, the mood improved. In general, I experienced all the range of emotions that appear in us in anticipation of the holiday. And notice, in the same way this smell will affect your husband too, because Chanel aroma No. 5 is also associated with a pleasant pastime.
But speaking of emotional anchors, it is important to understand that they are not only positive, like the previous one, but also negative. For example, a husband, standing with his back to you, pours himself a cup of tea. And you wanted to hug him. You approach, you wrap around him with your hands, and her husband suddenly turns away. Why, because everything is fine with you ?! Remember, but a few days ago a similar situation happened: the husband came from work with something upset, you wanted to comfort him and hugged him from behind. Then you decided that you were able to defuse the situation, and the husband subconsciously tied your embrace to the negative feelings that were felt at that moment. And when you, without understanding it, reproduced this anchor, the husband became angry again. How to avoid such situations in the future? When a loved one is badly off, try to leave him alone for at least half an hour. And if it's impossible, just do not touch it.
And the sound and smell
NLP specialists say that our life is full of emotional anchors. And they are right! As a rule, the process of "anchoring" happens involuntarily in our life. Let's say you know that a loved one will always support and calm you, so it's no wonder that in the force majeure situation you first want to be close to him! This is not always possible, so you begin to imagine how your husband would encourage you, whatever words you say, and calm down. And there can be as many such anchors: music from Aida, photos of a little son or daughter, the smell of my mother's bake, the film "Spring on Zarechnaya Street," etc.
If this works effectively, why not try to manage the process of formation of anchors and use them to bring the relationship to a qualitative level.
First, let's figure out which anchors will help you call your beloved with a variety of romantic feelings: from tenderness to passion. Visual. For example, putting on some beautiful dress, ask if it's going to you (in general, make it so that he will remember it). And when he answers that yes, I like, too, do him a compliment about his appearance. And whenever you dress in this "secret weapon", praise your beloved, hug, kiss. You will see, in the future dressing in this outfit, you can raise his spirits.
Arrange your loved one by candlelight and turn on some kind of romantic music. You need to make sure that this music or song becomes "your". Then, hearing it, the loved one will think of you, remember how well you are together. Your gentle "special" touch or kiss in moments when you and your loved ones will very well help you to get closer to him even more.
Before making love, lightly showering with the same perfume or toilet water. After a while, already this one fragrance will set the husband to playful harmony.
And now let's try to anchor the beloved with the help of the most effective anchor - kinesthetic. But before that I would like to warn you: do not think that by doing this several times, you're here, you'll notice the results. After all, your partner is not Pavlov's dog. Much depends on how many times you do it, how much the husband is emotional and whether this action will catch him.
So, wait for the moment when your beloved has a good mood. By chance, touch it gently several times in a strictly defined place. And if it seems to you that the husband is not attentive enough to you, repeat "your" touch. Pay attention to two points. First, the anchor will be more effective if you "put" it unnoticed. And secondly, such an anchor is more convenient to put on "easily accessible" places: an arm, a forearm, a back.
According to NLP specialists, men are most likely to fall for visual and kinesthetic anchors. Therefore, pay more attention to your appearance and more often touch your loved one.
Do not overdo it! Emotional anchors can be very useful for a love relationship. The only thing, you should not use them as a means of manipulation. Because, firstly, sooner or later the husband will unravel your maneuvers, and then, be sure, thank you will not say. And secondly, psychologists say that the frequent use of NLP techniques violates our emotional perception. Agree, if you decompose all the emotions of a loved one, as if on the shelves, life becomes incredibly boring.