Whether I am ready to become mum? Am I correct with my child? How does my baby treat me? Sooner or later everyone is asking themselves these questions. We asked the family psychologist Maria Kashin to talk about the most important periods in the life of a woman (preparing for a meeting with a child, birth and education). Perhaps, this article will make you think and adjust your behavior.
Verily, it's never too late to become a mother. So the woman's nature is arranged, that the maternal instinct in any case is shown at all representatives of a fine half of mankind. Even if now you can not imagine yourself with a stroller, a bottle and a baby at the ready, it does not mean that in a year, two, three, ten you will not feel that you really want to change your whole life for the meeting with the most important person in your life . How to understand that you are ready (and whether you should wait for this moment)? How to become a good mom? How to understand a child with a half-word? Let's try to answer these and other questions ...
I WANT A BABY
If earlier such a desire arose among women by the age of 20-23, then modern potential mothers are significantly "aged", - says the family psychologist Maria Kashina. - Girls of the XXI century are psychologically ready for motherhood in 27-30 years. And this is normal. The role of women in society has changed: we must get one or more higher educations, make a career, change several sexual partners and only then decide to become a mother. In addition, the level of modern medicine allows women to give birth in 30, and in 40, and even in 50 years. But in pursuit of career growth, we sometimes forget about the main role of women, predetermined by nature itself. Being a mom is both difficult and easy at the same time. Your life will change. It is a fact. But instead of working at work, you will have the joy of the first smile, the first tooth, the first step of your baby, and instead of the chef's notations you will hear the word "mom". Yes, and the birth of a child does not put an end to your career (it is not necessary to sit at home until the 18th birthday of your child), or at school (no one has canceled an academic vacation), or entertainment (grandparents, babysitters allow you to go to cinema, restaurant and shop, and in a year you can already go on vacation). Among the bonuses of birth - a completely new sensuality (many women only after the appearance of the baby begin to experience vaginal orgasm). In general, if young children do not annoy you, if you often stop at the windows with children's clothes and toys - your time has come. And doubts and some fear are normal. Your life does not stop, it is filled with a new meaning! "
I AM VERY BAD...
It seems to many that the status of mother obliges to be soft and patient, to sit at home, take care of children and maintain a fire in the family hearth. But all women are different both in temperament, in character, and in their ideas about the proper education of children. "If, after you punished your child, you feel guilty, then you are an ideal mother, capable of reflection and introspection," says the family psychologist Maria Kashina. - All children are different: someone perceives only an authoritarian way of communication, one can agree with someone, and someone needs to lose the situation on the contrary. If you regularly feed your child, watch his regime, call him affectionate names, often iron and love him very much - then you are just a wonderful mom. Learn it once and for all. Resentment and misunderstanding are at all. To understand how to communicate better with your baby, go to a psychologist or try to analyze your behavior. When did you manage to reach understanding with the child best? What did you do and say? Remember these moments and take it into service. And again: do not reproach yourself for the fact that you go somewhere without a child. You do not need to spend 24 hours a day with the baby. He needs other relatives (grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles). "
WHAT DOES THE CHILD THINK ABOUT YOU?
A child of preschool age is not in a position to tell about his experiences and anxieties, and it is important for the young mother not to miss the moment when the baby needs her help and support, and when, on the contrary, he needs more independence. Asking leading questions is useless - you are unlikely to hear from your child a coherent response. Preschoolers are usually tested using drawing and playing. It's never too late to do it.
Picture-test "Mom + I"
The child is invited to draw himself and his mother. Let's consider frequently encountered variants:
a) Mom and child are located in the middle of the sheet, they hold hands, the figures are proportional, painted in bright life-affirming colors - this is an ideal option that indicates the trust and harmony in family relationships, a calm and favorable atmosphere in the house. Congratulations!
b) Mom and child are depicted as a single whole, the figures seem to overlap one another - this picture speaks of a too close connection between you and the baby, he does not realize himself as a separate, independent person. And you? Maybe it's time to say "I" instead of the infant "we"?
c) Mom is painted large, and the child is disproportionately small and in the distance: this variant is often found in families where mothers adhere to an authoritarian type of education or spend little time with children. If you can not quit your job (perhaps it is not necessary), then try to at least 50 minutes a day to give your kid no distraction) to household chores and phone even mentally!
d) The child is drawn large, and the mother is small and aside: this indicates that the mother in the family is on secondary roles and does not have the proper authority. It's time to show who is the master of the house!
If your figures in the figure are disproportionate and "torn off" from each other (variants in and d), do not rush to draw conclusions. Look at other drawings of your child, perhaps the problem lies not in psychological discomfort, but in inability to dispose objects on a sheet.
Pay attention to the colors of the drawings: it is believed that the more brighter the colors, the better. But almost all children at some time prefer all bright colors black. And this is not a sign of black melancholy and psychological problems, just kids are attracted by the contrast with the white sheet or are motivated by curiosity ("What if I fill up the whole picture with just this color?").
Game-test "Assorted guests."
Play with the baby on his birthday. Guests came to him (relatives and friends), and they should be seated at the same table. Whom the child will plant next to him, he is closer and dearer to him. It is clear that guests can be mom, dad, grandparents, friends, toys, etc. To be more interesting, sit at the table and put cups and plates.
EXPERIENCE OF FAMOUS MAMES
Ira Lukyanova, ex-soloist of the group "Brilliant"
From the group "Brilliant" I left with a conscious decision to devote myself entirely to the family, as my husband and I planned a child. Of course, the first months of pregnancy flew by somehow unconsciously. All came gradually. I remember when Anechka was born, I could not choose her name for a long time. Before birth, I wanted to call her Sonia. But when I saw my daughter, I realized that it was definitely not Sonya. When Anechka had just started to explore the world, she, in principle, did everything that was impossible: everything was waking up, pouring ... Of course, I did not allow her this, but she was not very strict with her either.
Anastasia Tsvetayeva, actress
When I became pregnant, my life changed by 180 degrees. After all, becoming a mother, it's never too late to revise your old life. I refused to shoot in several planned films, because I realized that taking out a child without unnecessary stress is more important for me. And, you know, there was a time when I first really felt that I would become a mother. I watched the baby on the computer monitor during ultrasound and saw that he turned. And I decided not to recognize the sex of the child. I was just very happy that I have a baby. I am very happy, caring and not very strict mom.
Olga Prokofieva, actress
One heroine in the play Maugham said: "Some of us are more women, others are mothers." I'm probably more of a mother, after all. And this is normal. When I was pregnant with Sasha, I felt, what is the happiness - to carry in itself the child! At my Sasha now it's time to become, storms and passions. There are explosions and bursts in our relations. He, like all the boys, is lazy sometimes. Accept the male point of view and explain the behavior of his son, putting himself in his place, still impossible, because the male and female brains work in different ways. So I try not to put pressure on him.