Losers

Do you think that you are not lucky in life? Only "bad" guys fall in and the troubles at work fall one after another? In psychology, there is a special term for people who are always ready to be victims of other people and circumstances - the "victim's personality". Victim personalities are united by the fact that they do not understand themselves and do not get along with the notion of "responsibility". So, let's look at the three most common types of "victims" closer.

The coward: "He's to blame!"

Olya turned to me with the following problem. She married a man who was very delicate with her before the wedding, and later became a real "domestic tyrant." He took the money, controlled every step, checked the phones and did not let them to work - in short, he did everything to protect his wife from contacts with the outside world. Olga complained about her bitter share, in tears she said: "If it were not for him, my life would be much more interesting, brighter, happier".

However, already at the first meeting, she realized that she has her own benefit in this regard - she is protected, and she does not need to work on herself. It turned out that she was afraid of an independent life with all her threats. And unconsciously looking for exactly the type of men who could meet her need for safety and passivity. A woman shifts responsibility for her fate to another person, and then accuses him.

How to change?

For a woman's life of this type to change, it is necessary to go through several important stages of understanding the problem. First of all, one must realize, recognize that the "victim" has in this situation its own benefit. After she realizes that all this time she has shifted responsibility for her life to another person, she may want to change everything. To accelerate the process of change, you can, for example, apply psychological techniques in which a person presents himself as possessing qualities that he lacks. You should present yourself in different situations, trying on such qualities as independence, responsibility, self-esteem, determination, self-confidence.

Important news: if a woman decides to take responsibility for her life on herself, then a marriage based on the desire to transfer her fate to a man may not stand the changes.

Fatalist: "I am being pursued by an evil rock!"

With Elena there is always something happening, troubles are everywhere around her. But she does not learn from her mistakes, each time saying: "What can be, that will not pass." When her first husband struck her for the first time, she also did not resist or seek protection - why? It's her destiny. She was brought to a meeting with me by a friend, unable to bear the sight of her bruises from another beating.

So, before us is a representative of the type of women who successfully shift responsibility for their lives not to a partner, but to destiny. An unconscious belief attracts them: "I am not worthy to be happy." As a child, Elena's parents used to say such phrases: "But who needs you so much?", "Nothing good can happen to you," "Whatever you do, you will not achieve anything anyway," and so on.

How to change?

If a person has never tried to build his destiny on his own, then convincing him that it is not "evil rock" in the answer for everything that happens to him is a very difficult task. However, you can tell him the following: while he will think that life flows by itself and nothing can be changed in it, the troubles in it will not disappear, but will only accumulate.

If you know yourself in the description and want to still make life more productive, then try to replace the idea of ​​the total power of rock with the idea that you can change a lot in your destiny. Multiple repetition in different situations of the phrase "It depends a lot on me," even if you do not believe in it at first, after a while will manifest itself in qualitative changes in life.

Watch how your activity leads you to what you want, and precaution is saved from countless cones and cuffs. The second "front of attack" is the raising of self-esteem and the recognition of the right to happiness. Remember, your activity should be an activity with a plus sign. So put yourself worthy goals, do not belittle your abilities and abilities.


Adventurer: "I want to walk on the point"

Every time, taking a risky action - taking a large loan in a bank or traveling on a trip with almost no money - Anastasia believed that she takes responsibility and takes risks at full discretion. But it was not so - the troubles were overtaken at the most unexpected moment, and often later she accused herself of all mortal sins. She sincerely believed that she was in control of the situation, and could not understand why her plans had collapsed.

Exactly so much how harmful the idea that nothing depends on you, the thought that everything depends on you is harmful. Something always depends on the circumstances, and this can not be ignored.

The problem of Anastasia was also in the fact that she adored experiencing a thrill. For her, this was the only opportunity to feel something - she did not perceive the half-tone of emotional life at all.

To adventurism can also be pushed by the inner child, who had been locked up before freedom, who was once too rigidly controlled by his parents. Now you can realize aspirations, similar to the children's desire to lick the swing in the frost and touch the iron. Never once burned in childhood, such a woman does not see the dangers of adulthood.

How to change?

For this type of women it is useful to experience life in such non-extreme things as, for example, a delicious dinner, a fascinating film, communication with friends, as much as possible, enjoying the whole gamut of available emotions. If you have found the traits of an "adventurer", then often reflect on the fact that not everything is controlled, sometimes circumstances are stronger than us. Every time, taking risks, think about the possible consequences of your actions. The adult person is different from the child, which can predict a few steps forward.

If you found yourself in one of the above-described "victim personalities" and really want to make your life safe, then you have to work. Your task now is to write out for yourself a plan of concrete actions for self-improvement, proceeding from those general provisions with which you have already had time to get acquainted. And may everything work out for you!