We often have to part with your loved ones. We just like them, we want to catch everything in life! "How not to lose love?" - we often ask ourselves. After separation, not only strengthens relationships and adds romance meetings. This is also a great risk - love at a distance: how to behave in a similar situation? Let's talk about all the pros and cons of such a relationship.
ON TWO POLES
Situation 1. Your husband has been working in another city for about a year now. Your move to him is constantly postponed because of work and mom, which in case of your departure will be left alone. And suddenly you get acquainted with a very interesting man. He falls in love with you and insists on a close relationship. And later even makes you an offer. And you suddenly find yourself in a "triangle": you, your husband, who is far away, and whom you love, and your friend who loves you. What to do?
To understand this triangle and make the right decision, you first need to make a choice between mom and husband. Do you know why mother's love is called the highest form of love? It is because the mother lets her child live a life separate from her.
And, of course, decide whether your love is exhausted with your husband and with whom of the two men you build on your life, you must yourself (without the help of your mother). And the main thing is to understand what you want.
In a new relationship, women are always attracted by a moment of novelty, romance. And, in addition, it is much more difficult to change your usual way of life and move to another city than to create new "here and now" connections. Activities such as moving and finding new jobs require considerable effort and energy. But there is also a big bonus - in relationships that have passed the separation test, a lot of foam faces are revealed. It is mutual trust, confidence in each other's love, devotion. And most importantly, the love that has overcome such vicissitudes becomes more valuable in the eyes of the partners themselves. They begin to treat each other more carefully.
You should take a sober look at the relationship with your new friend and figure out if they are worth it to dramatically change their personal lives. What can a new friend give you? Will you be happy with him? What future can this union have?
LOVE AGAINST CAREERS
Situation 2. You work in another city. Your schedule looks like this: a week you live at home, a week away. Your work is very important to you, and it is well paid. Your beloved at first was against your departure, but you managed to convince him that it would be better for both of you. You love him, but you also want to realize yourself as a professional! However, recently you are constantly thinking that you actually found this job to run away from home. And that you just need to part with the one you love.
Naturally, for the happiness of a modern woman, one love is not enough, she wants to realize herself in the profession or work. Here, at first glance, there are only advantages. But in a similar situation, there is a paradox: strongly wanting love and intimacy, you want to remain free. You are afraid of losing yourself by becoming part of a partner. And feel the fear that a loved one will take away your strength and time.
Let's figure it out. The dialectic of true love is the ability to behave correctly, that is, to maintain a comfortable relationship for both distances. If you need freedom in a relationship, then maybe this schedule allows you to keep love? And you should not think bad thoughts? Moreover, my beloved agreed with your decision.
There is nothing shameful, for example, to rest separately. After all, having saturated your emotions with your inner world, then you can give each other much more than if you constantly cook each other. Therefore, very often in couples where both partners are self-sufficient and self-confident, love at a distance only strengthens the relationship. Partners have the opportunity not only to dream about the topic of a free life, but also to realize its true price. So, it's right to set priorities.
SHORT MEETINGS
Situation 3. Your favorite works in another city 5 days a week and comes to you on weekends and holidays. During your meetings, you try to maximally give time to each other. But you would like to be with him always. Your relationship seems to be strong, but you are constantly sharpened by a worm of doubts that this love at a distance and short meetings on weekends will inevitably lead to a break.
Your fears, most likely, are in vain. After all, during a brief meeting at the weekend, you fully dedicate yourself to each other. A real break is not a short meeting, but a lack of emotion. Of course, it is only natural that when you love, you want to spend more time with your loved one. But not always those who see each other every day, happier than those who live constantly parting.
The fact is that only we ourselves form our relationships with close people and decide how to behave properly. Nobody except us will make us happy. The main advice in this situation is to do something interesting at a time when your loved one is not around. For example, learning languages, yoga, drawing, singing - anything! Then it will be interesting for you to be alone with yourself. You will have great opportunities for growth and self-improvement. And your meetings with your beloved will become even more intense than before, because you will have something to share!
And the main thing: while you and your beloved have a desire to talk, listen, understand each other, nothing will stop you from loving and being together, even from a distance.
ACROSS THE OCEAN
Situation 4. You have been married for more than three years. The last year you meet with your husband every couple of months, because he left to work, for example, in Holland. You save money for an apartment, and the decision for a while was parted. My husband often said that time will fly by quickly, and soon you will be there. But recently he suddenly told you: "I'm going to Atlanta for a year, because we need money for an apartment." You are at a loss and bewilderment: "He does not like me at all! And the need to earn money for an apartment is only an excuse. "
On the one hand, there are many among us who leave the family for a long time to ensure its future. And if you think also about the fact that "paradise in a hut" is no less risky for relations than separation for the sake of a secure future, the question is solved by itself.
On the other hand, this situation is rather ambiguous. There is no guarantee that your husband will not renew his contract. Finally, a lot can change in a year. Sometimes someone nearby, who helps in difficult situations and provides moral support, becomes more expensive and more familiar than his wife overseas. The main thing for you is not to rush to the conclusions "loves, does not like". But it's also not necessary to let things go by themselves. Psychologists recommend in such situations to offer her husband a plan, how to arrange everything, so as not to destroy the family because of money. For example, discuss with him the possibility of living together in Atlanta. Or, if the departure of the Faith for America is impossible for some reason, carefully plan future meetings. And then time will tell if you are dear to each other. After all, for true love there are no barriers and distances!
ON THE CHIMODANS
Situation 5. From childhood you dreamed to connect fate with a public person - an actor or a singer. But when your dream came true, it turned out that your favorite lot of time is spent on tours or traveling. But your love always endured separation. And suddenly you will find out that he refused a project that he could work at home. Quarrels began, you felt that you were losing confidence in him. He says: "Please, understand, I must go and come back to you, to be with you always!" Is it really true, and for you to be together means to part with it all the time?
Are you afraid to believe the words of your loved one? Then why not believe his actions. After all, the truth is not what the person says, but why he says it. Your favorite said: "I must go to return." He said this because he wants to be with you and hopes for your understanding. This is the truth.
Of course, there can not be a common recipe for love at a distance - how to behave properly everyone decides for himself. But what to do, if your beloved territory of freedom is an immense space? Here one must take into account one important nuance: for most men of creative professions, constant recharge from the outside is needed - a change of impressions, scenery, people. Therefore, you should not think that this is something you do not give to your beloved. It's just that his world is too vast. To achieve harmony, he must part with you from time to time. And this is normal! The only question is whether you have the patience and understanding. But you love him, which means that you will learn to understand and accept what he is.