Sometimes, after parting and even finding new partners, they then reunite. And having married by calculation, in due course start to test to each other the most present passion. Anything can happen. And each love story has its own stages and patterns. What you need to do to please the guy is the topic of the article.
Primary selection 50 milliseconds
We always look at the surrounding guys, wherever we are, but at all in different ways. On some casual, others do not even distinguish from the general crowd, on the third we hold our gaze. For a split second, but delay, and this moment is enough to make a choice in favor of this or that man. Primary selection is constantly, regardless of whether there is a partner at the time or not. In the circle of the guys elected at this stage are those who have coincided or at least come close to the patterns stored in our memory since childhood. Of course, with the overwhelming majority of people from this group, we do not even get acquaintances, just the brain sends signals: "Here is a suitable individual." It could be ... "If more prolonged contact (at least for a few minutes) is possible, then pheromones are activated - odoriferous substances that transmit biological information. They inform the potential partner of your intention, albeit very carefully and unobtrusively. You will not notice anything, and then call it an obsession or love at first sight.
Attraction from 2 days to 2 months
The second stage also lasts not for long - from 5 to 30 direct contacts. We can already say for sure that we like the person, although we do not always understand why. "I want to be with him more often, because he's so wonderful." In fact, it is at this time that we carefully study the personality of the potential partner, find out, first, whether it has different characteristics, secondly, which has merits, and third, whether it demonstrates a return interest. However, from the point of view of biology our aspiration to be a number is explained by other motives. Firstly, we are looking for a similarity to us, good guys. Physical, portrait similarity, the sense of a man as a native just in appearance is an important factor in the origin of attraction. This is confirmed by the research of scientists. For example, specialists from the University of Venezuela photographed 36 randomly selected well-off couples (both with experience and newlyweds), then cut each photo into 2 parts, mixed the halves and invited outside volunteers who agreed to participate in the experiment, "reunite" the family. It turned out that the subjects correctly found the pair twice as often as if they shuffled half of the pictures purely by chance. Secondly, we are looking for deep differences. We sniff: women choose men whose smell differs from their own and the smell of their fathers, but of men who do not smell like their mother. Next, we check the potential partner for histocompatibility - the properties of the most important genes that determine the biological individuality and immune qualities of each of us (our brains are capable of this too!). Brazilian scientists have recently proved that the happiest and lasting alliances are formed by people with the greatest differences in histocompatibility. Excluding, thus, blood ties, taking care of the health of the future offspring (from the point of view of nature, love is only needed), we think about its safety. It can provide such significant masculine qualities as endurance and moderate aggression (for women - kindness and gentleness). If all this is found in a person, then the third stage comes, the brightest.
Passionate love under 1 year old
This stage is very visible from the outside, because the behavior of a person is changing beyond recognition. The main "symptom" is an almost maniacal focus on the subject of passion, the absolute impossibility of its critical evaluation. This condition is associated with the influence of endorphin hormones, dopamine, adrenaline, noradrenaline. It is because of them that we become capable of any feats ("in the name of love"), it is because of them that our heart beats so often. To say "he is not a couple to you," "you have to look at it," it's completely useless to call you to "think again". Rather, this couple will quarrel with the whole world, than the reason's arguments will be heard. The strength of passion depends on the characteristics of the nervous system, in addition, in a pair of one, as a rule, is in love more than another. But the total number of emotions is still enough to feel happy and think that it will always be like this now. The biological meaning of the "love fever" is to provide the maximum number of sexual intercourses on the part of the man, so that the pregnancy is certain, and the fidelity of the woman, so that the partner can be sure of his paternity. After the frenzy of passion, it gradually or abruptly declines.
Attachment 1-2 years
This stage does not begin at all. Many simply can not reconcile themselves with the fact that the passion has passed, and end the relationship. What is the point of being close next, if everything is already so calm and even boring now? In addition, it suddenly turns out that the partner has so many negative qualities. "He has changed since his acquaintance," "She has become completely different." In fact, we have always been like that. Just everything that now does not like, annoying, seems unbearable, was previously perceived positively. First: "He so shakes his head after the shower, just like a kitten", and then: "Damn, after you all the walls are wet, can you be more careful ?!" Partner claims seem unreasonable quibbles, mutual reproaches turn into quarrels and conflicts. Many, consciously or not, are returning to the first stage - primary selection. But those who are still together, waiting for a big surprise. Just at a time when, it would seem, the former joy of communication is no longer (we are so often together that we stop responding to the production of the pleasure hormone) new forces are entering the business. Oxytocin and vasopressin - hormones, under the influence of which a sense of trust, warmth, and affection are formed - are developed in the moments of any joint actions and intimacy. The more you do something together, even just lie next to you and read different books or wipe dust, telling each other about the past day, the more hormones of attachment are being developed. Sex at this stage becomes more orderly and balanced, but it causes a feeling of "special intimacy." By the way, in women, the hormone oxytocin is produced during orgasm, so it often happens that women's love only grows stronger over time.
A true feeling for life
The next stage comes in different ways. Someone has this happening at one time: "We stood holding hands, and I realized that this man is more precious than me and will never be again." Someone needs time: "We lived for 50 years without even thinking about feelings, but now I can say that it was happiness." The period of "eternal" love can really last indefinitely, despite the fact that it is not even foreseen by nature, from the point of view of which monogamy is not a norm, but a violation. Having given birth and brought up at the initial stage of the child, we no longer have to be together. A man can think about increasing the number of offspring further, and a woman is able to bring grown-up children to maturity and herself. Probably, because this stage does not always pass easily. To save the feeling, we have to make efforts. We are so used to each other that the hormones of love are produced in very small quantities. The reaction of passion to a permanent partner almost does not arise. But our mood is regulated by serotonin, which gives a feeling of fullness of life and calm joy. Periodically (every 4, 7 years or as problems arise in life), there are crises in relationships. This does not mean that the family will be severely damaged. Having survived the crisis, people acquire new goals and for another few years feel happy. The power of love and affection will not be the same either. Often there is a gap between the emotions of two: when one is at the peak of tenderness, the other has a certain decline. Then everything changes. So the family - a single organism - is protected from disintegration. And it persists for many, many years.