In children, it is not uncommon - every child at least once in life pushed or hit another, without it, does not do even the most calm and educated children. It is not necessary to be Sukhomlinsky to explain to the kid, who knocked another scapula on the playground or took away the toy that he liked, which should not be done. Why? Most of the children are not from the first time, but from the third, from the fifth, they are able to understand this: because the other is as painful or hurtful as you would if they had done this to you. Age-related decline of aggression is associated with elementary things - with the fact that children grow and under the influence of education begin to better understand others and themselves, trying to behave more flexibly. They are accustomed to managing their emotions and their containment, to resolving conflicts in non-aggressive ways - words, not fists. The process of socialization is inevitable for most children, and by the age of 6-7, children become less self-centered and begin to understand better the feelings and actions of others.
Features of fighters
However, not all children experience similar metamorphosis. There are those who do not grow grass, just use force. These guys are initially endowed with a greater temper, unpredictability, absurdity. They have difficulties in communicating with peers, have increased anxiety, insecurity. Such children are not attentive to the feelings of others, are excessively touchy and yet do not know how to defend their interests with the help of adequate arguments. Emotionally dissatisfied, they seek to compensate for this in causing pain to others - above all, physical. The best defense for them is an attack. It gives them a shaky and temporary, but at least some inner balance. While interpreting the actions of other children as hostile, such a child by its reactions causes aggression from others. At the same time it turns out to be a vicious circle - which of the peers will want to be wedded to the one who almost pushes you with his fists? By their behavior, these children repel others, causing them to be unfriendly, unfriendly, hostile. And this, in turn, intensifies aggressiveness, provokes the child to new inadequate actions, stirring up fear and anger in him. That is, he would be happy to talk with the guys, he is desperately trying to find a way out of the impasse, to restore, so to speak, social ties, but only does not know how to do it in a normal, healthy form.
Are the boys more aggressive?
Scientists have not yet come to a definite conclusion, is the aggressiveness of men, and hence boys, biologically predetermined quality? Yes, according to many studies, men actually do behave more aggressively than women, at any age. The reaction for the committed "atrocity" should be clear. If the mother begins to read the moral: "And if you hit, you do not like it," the child is likely to skip the tedious lecture by the ears. Sometimes it's enough just to say: "Vanya, no!", When the fighter will swing. As it would be obvious to everyone that boys behave more harshly than girls, they fight more often. However, evidence of their genetic predisposition to such behavior, neither physicians nor biologists can not show us. Perhaps, in another matter - in the cultural and educational tradition. The social models of behavior offered to boys are significantly different from those that are given to girls. Aggression is part of the male stereotype of behavior, it is more often expected and encouraged. That there is one expression "strong sex", long rooted in similar variants in the most different languages of the world. As soon as the child begins to walk and comes into contact with peers (that is, literally in the second year of life), there are significant differences in the education of boys and girls, in the fact that parents and society expect from both and, consequently, in the emerging features of personality. The boy is praised from an early age for courage, militancy, activity, the ability to rebuff, stand up for himself. A vigorous and energetic girl who aspires to command and independently "deal with" offenders, is often condemned for similar qualities. So we can assume that it is still acquired, but not innate quality.
Why are they so
According to observations of psychologists, aggressive children, as a rule, lack basic love and understanding from their relatives. Often in families where such children grow, an authoritarian style of upbringing reigns. Instead of a full-fledged communication, parents (as a rule, this is first and foremost hard and brutal dad) give orders and are waiting for their clear implementation. It also happens that the child in general is very little engaged, he grows on his own, feeling his uselessness, lack of emotional contact, coldness and indifference of parents. The egocentric style of upbringing also leads to increased aggression. The child is taught that he is the navel of the earth, around which the whole universe revolves. It is clear that other children and adults do not know about this, and their behavior causes such a child's dislike and moods, reaching scandals and fights. The traumatic influence on the psyche of children is also exerted by adult quarrels among themselves. When my father and mother scandal day after day, the child involuntarily adopts this style of communication. For him it becomes the norm. So, parents who have noticed increased fighting power among their children should take a first look at themselves. It may very well be that you yourself do not always control your own aggressive impulses. It must be remembered that children learn the methods of social interaction, observing the behavior of the surrounding people (and, first of all, their parents).
Crime and Punishment
If a child has achieved something with the help of aggression, he will resort to her help again and again. However, the problem is that the use of punishment for weaning from aggression also often intensifies it. Especially it concerns physical punishment. By the way, often they lead to the fact that the child begins to beat others. In order for child aggression to be not only suppressed, but vanished, more complex ways are needed. It is important to remember that the main need of any child is the need to feel that he is loved and appreciated. So a cure for increased aggression can only become a trusting, friendly attitude to the child. Participation of the father, by his example showing his son that the true masculinity is not the ability to beautifully raspkasit nose to the offender, but to direct his physical strength in some useful channel. You can switch attention, say, to some kind of "correct" physical activity. A good way is to record a fighter in the sports section, led by an experienced coach with psychological skills. You can have a special "angry pillow" to relieve stress. If the child is angry with someone, let him take and pill this pillow. This advice is often given to psychologists and their adult clients, because there is no saint to feel aggressive feelings at all. Since we clearly do not treat you with them, it is worthwhile to learn and teach your children to control their negative emotions, not spoiling the life either themselves or others.