Why are there no stupid jokes about your mother-in-law? Yes, because we women are intelligent and far-sighted people. We understand very well that we simply need to live in peace with our "second mother" in order to maintain peace and harmony in our own family, and for this we can "step on our throats" and keep silent even if something does not suit us.
And what about men? Most of them do not know how to be flexible. Most often they live by the principle "let the world bend under us." It's just that a rare mother will want to change for the sake of some young man, even her own daughter's husband. In addition, many mothers consider their child's choice not particularly successful That's why we have to prove in practice that your chosen one is worthy to share with you both grief and joy.
So that you do not have to watch the war unfolding between the people you love, you have to act simultaneously in two directions: husband and mother.
Formulate goals
Before taking any steps to bring your mother and husband closer, decide what you want. If you are hoping for a sudden emergence of kindred feelings, then, most likely, you will face a devastating failure. Of course, there are cases when a woman with a daughter's marriage has also acquired a loving son, but still, these are, rather, exceptions to the general rule.
Do not demand love! It is quite enough that each of the parties "signs a non-aggression pact." Friendly neutrality between son-in-law and mother-in-law is, in principle, an ideal option. Perhaps in time your spouse will feel that he has a real second mother, but still not Too much for this, so as not to experience frustration. In the meantime, we will try to just pair them together.
Form a good relationship
The best way to win the war between the son-in-law and mother-in-law in the war is to prevent it from beginning. Therefore, it is very important to make every effort to establish a good relationship between your beloved and your mother at the very beginning of your married life (ideally - before marriage). Could not make it on time? Better late than never.
"Work" with her husband
Based on anecdotes, most men believe that the perfect mother-in-law is the one that lives a couple of thousand kilometers from you and comes to visit for a couple of days once a year. With this option, it's easy to maintain a warm relationship. However, in real life it usually happens differently. Begin the "treatment" of the faithful! Try to bring to the husband the thought that he will have to work hard to achieve a good disposition to himself. "He would not want you to quarrel with his mother?" So you do not want to.
So, the son-in-law must show himself with the best hand, do something pleasant for the mother-in-law. Of course, you are well aware of the tastes and habits of your mother. Try to prevent awkward or even ridiculous situations. For example, do not forget to inform your husband that your mother hates daffodils, because they somehow associate her with a cemetery. Or dissuade him from buying a huge cake, if you know that your mother is on a tight diet, etc.
Dialogue with Mom
If your mother is sure that "this person is not your partner and you deserve the best," try to prove the opposite: you know perfectly well the advantages and disadvantages of your man. Try to always pay attention to the best aspects of your son-in-law, it's useless to do it in words, it's much more effective to do it .
For example, your chosen one is poorly versed in art, he is not good at maintaining a secular conversation. But he has golden hands. Tell him that your mother has a long tap or you need to nail a shelf in the bathroom.
Perhaps, on the contrary, the husband never had a hammer in his life. But he, just like your mother, is fond of painting and adores the theater. Why not invite his mother-in-law with you to the exhibition or a good performance? Believe me, she will be pleasantly surprised.
You probably love your husband, but do not devote him absolutely all your free time. Do not forget about communication with parents! Take into account, if your mother feels forgotten, then it will be guilty not to consider you, but the person who "stole her daughter" from her.
It happens that my mother's jealousy is very pronounced, she always lacks your attention. More often this happens to single women who have dedicated their entire lives to a single child, but now feel themselves no use to anyone. Perhaps the birth of a grandson or granddaughter will help to cope with this problem. But, in addition to this, you can try to get your mom involved with something. And did not she embroider a cross in her childhood? Give her a nice set of threads and a frame. Knitting? Ask to tie a sweater to you. And my beloved son-in-law too.
Correctly we quarrel
There are no families in which everyone is always happy with everything. From time to time something annoys us. And, of course, between son-in-law and mother-in-law, conflict situations also arise. It is not necessary to hope that they are adults and will understand themselves. If you let things go by themselves, nothing good will come of it. Therefore, we, wives and daughters in one person, have to show miracles of patience, wisdom and ingenuity in order to preserve peace in the family.
Even if the open confrontation was avoided, the negative still remains. Therefore, we do not relax and do not forget about very important rules that can not be violated.
1. Do not openly take sides. In any case, one of the people dear to you will be offended.
2. Even in private, one should not support the excess frankness of the husband about the mother-in-law and vice versa. In an excited state, a person can say something that you can not forget and forgive for a long time.
3. If you are also offended, do not allow yourself to criticize your husband in front of your mother and vice versa. You will accept the shortcomings of both husband and mother, but they do not need to know your thoughts about this at all!
4. The most important thing we always remember about ourselves and remind our beloved mother and husband is that none of us is perfect and will hardly change. But you love them both for all their shortcomings. And at least for the sake of this they must respect each other's opinion.