The hour of parting is near
We, unlike our grandmothers and American women, were much more fortunate - we can devote ourselves to the precious child for three whole years. It is this time that a woman retains her job. However, sometimes you have to put on a business suit much earlier. There are many objective reasons for this, but there are also many arguments against it. Psychologists are advised to proceed not only from their own, but also from children's interests. In their opinion, it is best to join the workforce from the moment when the baby is already ready to tear himself away from his mother - and this usually only takes two to three years. It is extremely painful to see the separation from the parents of children up to a year. In the first months of life, the crumbs form a basic sense of trust in the world. In other words, if his mother feeds, hugs, changes wet diapers, the baby is happy.
Not quantity, but quality
Twenty years ago, the famous English psychologist Jay Belski, specializing in the study of children's development, said that children who are in the company of teachers and nannies for more than 20 hours a week can move away from their mothers, and even "mold" by various complexes that will certainly give to know about yourself in adolescence. After that, many working moms rushed to write statements about leaving. However, not all scientists share the opinion of their eminent colleague, believing that the quality of the time spent together with the mother is not more important for the child. Agree, if the mother-housewife all day standing with her back to the child, shredding carrots and polishing the pan, it is unlikely that it will make him happy. At the same time, if you only talk to your baby for half an hour a day (and even the extra-busy business ladies can afford it), showing a sincere interest in everything that worries him, he will not feel deprived of his mother's love.
Kindergarten, nanny, grandmother ...
Once you decide to go to work, there will be a problem - with whom to leave the child. If the child is sufficiently independent (and reached the age of three), give it to a kindergarten. But do not forget the principles of gradualness: first, only lead for a walk, then for half a day and then, when the baby adapts, you can leave it in the company of peers for the whole day. What garden to choose is a matter of taste and financial possibilities. Districts are good because they are inexpensive and are at your side. However, it is necessary to register there in advance - as a rule, queues to these institutions are very, very long. Specialized kindergartens work according to different programs: the Valdor methodology (emphasis on moral education), the Montessori system (emphasis on individual approach to each child, the development of fine motor skills), according to the method of Zaitsev (emphasis on intensive preparation for school - reading, counting) and etc.
If you are forced to go to work at a time when your baby is not yet 3 years old, you can send him to a nursery (from one and a half years), hire a nanny or talk a child with your grandmother's grandson. Nursery is the most affordable option in the material plan. However, educators usually require that the child has already been accustomed to a pot and was able to hold a spoon. The option with a nanny is not bad for everyone, except for the high cost and danger of running into an unscrupulous person. Therefore, the selection of a candidate is laborious and very responsible. However, the baby will be most comfortable with his own grandmother. If, of course, her health allows her, and she does not mind spending the whole day fussing with her beloved granddaughter.
That was not insulting
Psychologists say that the vast majority of working mothers have a strong sense of guilt because they sacrificed the child for their own ambitions and interests. They think that a good mother should spend all the time in the family, and not sit in the office, even if she has no other choice. To make amends, the representatives of the weaker sex desperately pamper the child, without thinking that thereby risking the growth of an egoist and manipulator. The child very quickly learns that the mother is easy to manage: "Buy me that doll - I will not be so lonely with her until you are at your disgusting job." Another popular way to redeem guilt is to try to become the ideal mother: to feed the child exclusively with domestic food, even if you have to fry it all night, for this, after working in mugs and sections, and then to read blue tales for the night. As a result - a nervous breakdown, which will not wait itself long: it is impossible to be a business lady and at the same time to darn socks with household members. Is it possible to get rid of internal torment? If you are firmly convinced that when you decided to go to work, you did the right thing, repeat the phrase more often: "What's good for me is good for my child." Otherwise, the kid will be confused: my mother goes to the office every day, but at the same time claims that she wants to stay at home. Therefore, before joining colleagues in the workshop, honestly ask yourself if you really want this, and whether you have another way out of the situation.
Do not torment yourself with remorse because you are not only important to your family, but also your career. Being successful and active is not bad at all. Many children, especially teenagers, are proud of their business moms. In addition, according to psychoanalysts, your passion for a career can be explained by subconscious reasons. If you are "all in the father" - you are close to his lifestyle, deeds, thoughts, then, most likely, it will be difficult for you to lock yourself in the kitchen in an embrace with pans, you are more attuned to a career than to embroidering a cross and an endless household whirl. Associate yourself with your mother? You will make an ideal hostess, the mother of the family and the wife, but the path along the career ladder can be thorny and unproductive. While the child is small and often sick, try to get a part-time job or find a shift work, for example, two days after two. Australian researchers conducted a large-scale study, during which it was found that mothers working part-time, grow the most healthy children. They are less likely to eat fast food than children working from a call to a women's call, and do not suffer from excess weight, unlike children of housewives who literally feed their offspring with delicious homemade cakes.
A good option is work at home. This is quite possible for journalists, translators, hairdressers, masseurs, etc. The size of the earnings depends on your connections, abilities and self-discipline - after all, not everyone is able to go to the next room "to work" while the kid is asking them to play or on the tube "hangs" a friend with whom you have not spoken for a thousand years. By the way, if there is no separate room for work, it is problematic to work at home - the child will constantly get in the way, taking your time and usurping your attention. If you are sitting in the office from a call to a call, try to give all your free time to the child. Leave household matters to the weekend - they still can not be changed. Or ask someone close to help you with this, if the finances permit, hire a housekeeper, and stay with the child alone together. And more often hug and kiss the crumb - for him the moms of touch are very important. Sometimes you can be pampered - allow later to go to bed, do not go to the kindergarten, if you are going to stay at home. And when going to work, smile, even if the cat scratches on the soul. At the same time, never push a sobbing child, let alone disappear in English, otherwise he will stop trusting you. Also, do not tell him that at work you do not beat the bottles, but earn money - for a kid this is not an argument. He needs a mom, not your money (at least until he turns into a cheeky and mercenary teenager).
Depression is canceled!
Studies show that both housewives and business women equally often fall into depression, although the reasons for the spleen are quite different for them. The first suffer from boredom and an inferiority complex ("Life passes, and I do not represent myself!"), The latter - from lack of time and awareness that they practically do not participate in the upbringing of children. Housewives often arrange scenes of jealousy to her husband, realizing that, burdened by life and children, they are in some ways inferior to well-groomed office beauties. Business women are also sometimes terribly jealous, and not so much to her husband as to ... nanny or grandmother: they think that the son or daughter loves her more than her own mother. In especially neglected cases, nannies and governesses change, almost every month, so that the child does not have time to become attached. How not to go insane in this situation?
■ Accept, finally, the choice that you once made. Can not tolerate rolling cucumbers in cans, cooking borscht, ironing clothes and what else should the ideal housewife do? Not scary! Change the rules of the game and learn to live in peace with yourself. If you force yourself to do what is causing you frank dislike, it will only get worse.
■ Look for like-minded people who will understand and support you in a difficult moment. If you do not share with anyone, depression will intensify.
■ Do not burden yourself with additional duties: you will get tired even more, thereby increasing stress.