The phone was torn in the room, and I, as luck would have, only soaped my hair. "Nothing, they'll call you back. It's for certain Sveta wants something, "I thought, but the intrusive crocheting did not stop. I had to jump out with soapy hair in one towel. I was not mistaken: my bosom friend wanted to share her news. "Well, what happened to you again?" - I asked. "What kind of fire?" You, as always, pulled me out of the bathroom ...
- Nata, here I have some rubbish with my Sasha. Something strange is happening to him. And it worries me very much. I was here at leisure to analyze his behavior and came to the conclusion: it's him! Exactly! - Finally talked about sore troubled Svetlana.
- Who is he? - without understanding anything, I asked. "What are you talking about, friend?"
- Yes, not who, but what! - Sadly corrected. She hates when she is not understood from the half-word. "Well, this ... Middle age crisis!"
"Foo, it scared you!" Thank God it's not AIDS! - tried, was to mock at her imaginary fears.
"What do you mean, thank God?" - Offended that. - Do not you understand?! This is not a joke! If time does not take action, it ends all better. So in one smart book about it is written. I did not quite imagine how much the middle-aged crisis is so dangerous, especially for men, but I still tried to ask my girlfriend as comprehensively as possible what she was going to do to eradicate this phenomenon on the vine. My beloved Sveta considers herself to be a great connoisseur of male psychology. She loves to give advice, always finds a way out of any difficult situation and this is known among her friends. And suddenly she, a woman who knows everything and everyone, is afraid of some kind of crisis! Sashka is her second husband, and Sveta is terribly proud of him.
After all, he always sits at leisure hours at home; comes from work on time; writes notes about his whereabouts, being off somewhere; with adoration looks at his wife and believes everything that she says, shows that any desire of the wife for him is the law; adores her mother-in-law, calling her affectionately - mamulechka ... One can endlessly list the virtues of Svetka's husband, but this would make the question of the mysterious crisis of middle age even more inexplicable and mysterious. At the same time, Sanya has a beautiful appearance, a demanded profession and a strong character: he can not be called a mattress.
"I know what to do!" You should really cherish them, respect them, cherish them, and then they will not have the desire to find understanding somewhere on the side, - timidly tried to give advice to the all-knowing Svetka.
- Are you crazy? My indignant girlfriend screamed. "Or you, that you do not know that in our family there has always been a matriarchy!"
"If you know everything, what's the problem, dear?" What is required of me then? - I asked, secretly hoping that she would say, they say, she just decided to pour out her soul, cry and speak out. But it was not there!
- Sharpening, I have an awesome plan. All ingenious is simple. If Sanya has a liking, then it should be temporarily simply switched to some romantic and having access to him person. This helps the man to return to the bosom of the family without any side effects. My psychoanalyst recommended this to me. It suddenly dawned on me who would be this "special". God, did she again get into my head to drag me into some wild adventures and experiments ?!
- Stop! Wait! Are you sure he got someone? She asked, preparing to hear the negative answer. "Have you already found out for sure?"
"Well, I'm not caught, of course - not a thief, but ... I can see that something strange is happening to him." Usually men simply grow old themselves, they start a tummy, and he ... He freshened up, grew prettier, some kind of lively sparkle appeared in his eyes. But most importantly - my persistent questions do not bother him, he continues to blossom before our eyes! Well, do not hire me a private detective? What will I say to him: they say, my husband has grown prettier and enjoys life? Complete nonsense! But, on the other hand, it is necessary to do something! So more can not continue! So I came up with such a wonderful plan.
- Listen, Svetik! Do you even understand what you're talking about? Do you really want your Sasha to get fat and bald? Or that he is blind? - I was indignant, trying so to protect myself from Svetkin's plans.
- Muzhiks, my beloved, make good only during the period of falling in love! And it's terrible! He certainly has someone! In short, you have to help me! I trust you my family happiness ?! On Saturday I look forward to visit us! You'll work on Sasha, but first you'll have to make you a "vamp" woman. Tomorrow we go to my hairdresser, to the make-up artist, then we'll find you some interesting clothes. And yet - no one word. All, Natulechka, I kiss you! Till Saturday! And do not be late. - There was a ringing in the receiver.
I went to the mirror and looked sadly at my reflection. This lean figure with a turban from a towel on her head did not arouse any sympathy and inspiration even from myself.
"We'll make a man out of you!" I gloated to my reflection, then I showed him my tongue and sighed, went to bed: the morning is wiser. I for a long time tossed, trying to sleep, but realizing that I would not be able to, sat on the couch, tucked under the pillow, and began to think. So, from the perspective of a single woman, Sasha was the perfect man, and it did not fit in his head that he could seriously get carried away by someone other than his beautiful wife.
Back in the institute, all the students , as well as male teachers, folded their necks when my fashionable girlfriend, Svetka, passed by the gait of the mannequin by the appearance of Sophia Loren. She studied very easily, and when she was married in the third year to the head of the department, Ilyushin, the question of its successful graduation was logically predetermined. Ilyushin himself, then a fifty-year-old handsome man, came from a dynasty of real aristocrats. At home, he defiled exclusively in a suit, had no "bad" habits and called his young wife Svetka "darling." The little soul at once organized in their house something like a secular evening, at which her poor husband listened politely and indulgently to our maximalist youthful arguments.
Poor Ilyushin, not accustomed to her in anything to refuse, conceded and this time. True, Svetkina's freedom cost him too much, since, in order not to exchange the "patrimonial nest", he was forced to buy her a two-room apartment in the center and give way to her chic "Volvo". As for Sasha, he was a bachelor for a long time. Despite the fact that he could not be called conservative, he could not get used to the mores of modern women. Sanya was categorically disliked by women who smoked or were too concerned about their career, and since there are such people in our time, he could not find a companion of life in any way.
During the search, the guy managed to graduate from the institute, make a good career, buy an excellent car and a huge apartment in a prestigious area. With Svetko met in his private clinic, where she bleached already dazzling white teeth. When Sanya said that only a non-smoking girl can keep such a dazzling smile, I heard in response: "For your information, I'm not only non-smoker, but also unmarried!" This sounded like a proposal to continue dating. Since then, Sashka looks his beloved in the mouth and is very happy that Svetik allows him to love himself. No, the thought that he had someone appeared did not fit into my head. I angrily wrapped myself in a blanket and tried to sleep, with the firm intention of denying Svetka her request. The reasons for the refusal were swarming in my head.
"I will not participate in the demonstrative-experimental seduction of your precious, prettier and refreshed wife! .." All day I was tormented by doubts, and in the evening, having gained courage, I decided to call my friend myself, so that I should not rush off her calls and not listen to moans about the one I'm a traitor.
"Svetik, you can kill me ..." I began in a nasty squeaky voice, but she did not even let me finish such a carefully prepared speech-refusal.
"Listen, Natka, what I'm going to tell you right now," she said cheerfully. Oh, it's just screaming!
Do you hear? Your help did not need. I found out all by myself. Do you think where I caught Sasha today after work? You will not believe! He sat in a barbecue around the corner and ate baked lamb. Can you imagine? Well, of course, I had to forgive this vile betrayal of our vegetarian brotherhood. Still, it's better than the mid-life crisis syndrome.
"So he's freshened and just got fat from the fact that he secretly eats meat from you?" I asked.
- Without a doubt! Probably just did not want to upset me. And I still wonder why he is so uninteresting at the dinner table? And he ceased to like cabbage, and bananas are no longer sweet ... Well, nothing! I'll make him a "meat" day! - the girlfriend had fun so gloatingly that suddenly I felt sorry for her ideal Sanya.
"Listen, Sveta," I asked ironically, "and do you think it's normal that your husband has to hide?" Yes, you leave him with his evergreen vegetarianism.
- Well, of course! - the girlfriend was indignant. - What do you understand about this ?! Today I will agree to meat, tomorrow - that he does not get out of the garage ... And what will happen next? It's easy for you to talk, Natasha, you're not married and do not know what a difficult job it is to educate your husband. Here, dear, you need eyes and eyes.
"Svetochka," I replied, bewildered by my sudden discovery. "And are not you afraid that after he has to hide from you to eat meat, he will not look for a woman who, on the contrary, will allow him to eat this unfortunate meat and even gladly cook goulash for him?"
There was a long silence in the receiver. I waited a minute and asked Svetka:
- Hey! Are you alive? Can you hear me?
"I hear you," came the other end of the line. "You killed me." Listen, Natasha! And why did you suddenly come to this conclusion? By the way, you do not have any experience of constant communication and close relationships with men. What strange ideas are in your head?
"I'll tell you where these ideas come from," I answered a little annoyed, because I was tired of being an eternal loser in the eyes of my friends. Because if on my way a man such as your Sanya met, I would gladly cook meat for him and even carry him to the garage of the ship, if he stayed there! Do you understand, Svetik ?! Yes, I would ... - You're right, Natka, - answered the girlfriend in a fallen voice.
- Somehow I did not even think about it before ... I did not ask her what she herself did in the barbecue around the corner a couple of days ago. After all, lately she has also somehow freshened up, and this wonderful gleam in her eyes ... Well, okay, most importantly, they, I hope, will continue to be wonderful. Even without vegetarianism!