And they even determined which hormone is responsible for what. So what is the formula of love in marriage? Dopamine - for joy, serotonin - for psychological stability, phenylethylamine - for excitement, and norepinephrine gives you "wings behind your back." Our emotions are governed by substances caused by the biology of our body: amphetamines, oxytocins and endorphins.
The organism adapts to them. It's like drugs, we need more and more to stimulate the nerve centers, thus forming the formula of love. These hormones give the illusion of love. After a certain time, and to be precise, after 3-4 years, these mechanisms cease to work. Love and attraction, of course, disappear. Each partner needs a new object for interest. So, all love is a mixture of physics, chemistry, physiology ... The real formula of love in marriage.
What kind of love then can we talk about? Fantasies are all this. And human life only proves the ephemeral nature of love.
Unpleasant?
The narcotic effect of hormones, which, when there is insufficient production, leads to a lack of love, and then completely ceases to act and asks for a new object, plus the instinct for the continuation of the genus, are the remnants of a beautiful fairy tale of sublime love.
However, for some reason I want to believe that it still exists somewhere, that it is impossible to reduce it only to the processes of chemistry and physiology. Because there is an intangible and invisible substance in every human being, which we call the Soul. The incomprehensible, completely unsolved secret of man, his formula of love.
Of course, it is allowed to artificially simulate the action of visual and tactile stimuli, provoking the release of certain hormones and other substances into the blood. You can create conditions, foresee the consequences of the action of these hormones. However, it is practically impossible to touch the thin strings of the soul. Emotions, dreams, expectations, sympathy, antipathy - all this is deliberately not create.
Even if a person remembers and learns to automatically pronounce what they want to hear, there is still some key truth inside the person that does not allow you to make the formula of love "pure."
Inside each of us there is an innate voice, which the owner speaks with peace. This voice knows all about true love. And he can not be deceived by hormones, for him you can not formulate the formula of love.
To be precise, it is possible to deceive a person by subordinating his reason and his physiology, and then he plays for some time on the rules imposed from the outside, submits to outdated stereotypes of behavior, his actions become predictable. But at one point the inner essence takes off the beautiful shell and reveals to the man his true sensations. What only his heart knows.
It is precisely that which is the focus of a close connection with the cosmos, that which submits to the higher intelligence, to which no one on the Earth has been able to give a clear and comprehensive definition.
But are we able to listen and hear this voice? We are constantly disturbed by something, for example, the habit of accepting what is desired for the present.
What we can hear is not always pleasant to us, because it puts us in some unpleasant light before ourselves and others, shows our mistakes and mistakes, is a symbol of our failures, miscalculations, inattention. Who likes to see the confirmation of their own shortcomings in the person of a loved one? Therefore, we hasten not to see the reality, and to think about it is what is most acceptable for us at the moment, we make up our own formula of love in marriage.
The worldview of people and related stereotypical thinking.
We can say a hundred thousand times that we do not care what people say about us. But answer, honest in the heart, do not your affairs with people depend on the representation of the majority or minority, in general, of any kind of representation? We are afraid of him, we listen to him. This law of the existence of man in society, and this can not be changed. But the laws of society do not control our sincere affections, no one will force you to follow the "strange" formula of love for you.
Our inattention to yourself. We are too lazy to think about our situation, from time to time we act not at the behest of the soul, not suddenly, but on some preconceived plan, from a belief that they themselves once invented. We are not trying to find an answer to the question posed by life - we are in a hurry to do what most people do in such cases. But nevertheless, either of us is unique, and each of us has his own reserve of qualities, his abilities and his true face, which we do not know, because we did not peer into his features.
Search for easy ways. We follow the path of least resistance. In marriage we try to do everything so that it would be convenient for us. We are afraid to see and solve problems. We believe that love is, after all, not katorga and do not make any effort. And yet, love is the hellish labor of our soul, and therefore not only gives, but takes something from us every minute. Most of us believe that love is an endless chain of pleasures and blessings. However, remember that the formula of love also consists of frustration, jealousy and tears.
Without inner pain, the constant work of our soul, it is impossible to feel it in full force. It's like a spiral inside a light bulb. But if you touch it, you will feel what a huge amount of work is under the glass. And it will hurt you.
Almost all vital issues can not be put on only in beautiful words, which are planned to pronounce when communicating with a loved one at the stage of a romantic relationship. Human life is built not only on sweets, flowers, tender words. In life there is also pain, and labor, and torment. If someone is afraid of them and believes that
they are incompatible with true feelings, they are mistaken.
In difficult moments of relationships, we are able to see the real face of our loved one, from which all the masks fly, all the bluff. Theognis said: "In a different way, feel the character of your comrades, especially, look, who is in a fury." You can also say about love.
However, do not take it literally, because in a frenzy, in a state of affect, a person can utter horrible things that can kill even love. Thousands of families disintegrated, losing the harmonious formula of love in marriage, and not enduring the heat of passions that sometimes arise between loved ones. Man is weak, immoral and often mistaken.
However, somewhere in the depths of the soul is a timer countdown false minutes. When he lies to himself, he knows it. A person always knows when his brain fools his head, and he does not act in some situations at the behest of his Soul, but as follows:
- how to;
- as the law of the pack says;
- as someone invented it.
The soul is subtle matter. From time to time it is sent to such outbuildings, they fall asleep with so much garbage that you will not unearth. However, it's worth trying.
Love sees the true face of a person, even in the most terrible rabies, in awesome defensive postures, which we take from time to time. The formula of love in marriage requires a compromise.
Therefore, what exactly in these aspects of the manifestation of man, we know each other.
Something makes a person closest to the world, and you are ready to show him even the most negative aspects of your character and you allow yourself to be weak, imperfect, not very beautiful, not smart enough - as you are. And he does not turn away from you, but he loves you even more and perceives you as well as you do him. That's already worth a lot.
To trust someone I, myself, the helpless and vulnerable, to trust absolutely and irrevocably, knowing and understanding that in so doing you will gain protection and trust - this is the first sign of true feeling, at this time the formula of love in marriage begins to gradually acquire clear features.
And yet ... We are ready to love all of humanity, but we do not know how to love a particular person. We want our love to be sublime, stunningly beautiful, like a sketch in the album, we want to make up the ideal formula for love in marriage. Of course, because our everyday life seems so gray! Though you can dream about love?
In fact, love is very prosaic. She, imagine, is connected with such a prose of life as cleaning the apartment and taking out the garbage, impure socks and wet diapers. And to this you need to be ready, you need to make up your own formula for love.
Do not forget that love is at once work and rest, it's just life, its very breath, without which everything perishes. And you need to accept it with all the difficulties, discrepancies, disappointments and acquisitions, pain, fun, happiness, because without love, a person's life does not matter.