Most of us have traits that can irritate others from time to time. Similarly, your young man sometimes turns from a man of dreams into a terrible bore, to be a girl whom you and the enemy do not want.
Your friend, on the contrary, does not understand what to do if her husband closes in herself and she literally tortures him as a partisan to find out the reasons for the unexpected boycott. And the sister gets out of herself the moments when the beloved suddenly decides to share how he was once again framed at work, and in paints to describe how unpleasant it is that his girlfriend did not have time to wash his favorite shirt to important negotiations. To all who have learned in one of these men their faithful, we suggest to read what they think about such types of psychologists. And, perhaps, understand how to turn the flaws of his young man into his undeniable virtues.
The dull type
You met him in graduate school. He also defended his Ph.D. thesis and was very fond of your general scientific supervisor for finding such rare facts and sources for his work that few of the trainers even caught sight of. It is possible that at the beginning of your communication you were with him very interesting, because in the head of this eccentric bore so much interesting information, and he is always ready to share it with her. But over time, you began to notice that the new friend began to educate you not only in the field of science, but also in how to tie a scarf and prepare a minestrone. It is worth noting that this is not surprising. Just a pedantic person - and this is the bore - is not ready to retreat from his line of behavior, this is the main advantage of the most dangerous psychological types of men. That's why almost everyone around him treats him with slight irritation: colleagues, friends, wife's friends and, of course, sellers in stores.
Excessive pedantry is a characteristic feature of those young people who had to grow up early. These are kind of "Uncle Fyodor", who became helpers of their mothers, playing for them the role of comforters and advisers. They felt loved and valuable only when they could provide "adult", intelligent support. And now they are projecting the image of their mother from their childhood, for which they were obliged to solve problems. In the psychological game "Chaser - Savior - Sacrifice", male boring people always try to play the role of Savior. They unconsciously seek the Sacrifice, which will need their wise guidance and which they will begin to teach. Sometimes such help seems excessive, even persecuting, especially when the Savior is too persistent in his "teaching". In this case, do not be afraid to say bore "Stop!". Thank me for your advice, say that you appreciate his opinion, but you will make the final decision yourself. For a while, he may be slightly offended, but if you behave yourself firmly enough and follow your decision, gradually your relationship will improve.
Be happy!
Psychologists say that a woman who is ready to take responsibility for her life on someone else's shoulders and does not want to think and act independently is able to build a strong relationship with a male bore, or other most dangerous psychological types of men. However, if for some reason the man also needs support, and the girl will not be able to give it to him, their union can give a break.
I cry and cry
When your favorite for the hundredth time starts his favorite song about how he is not lucky and what cunning around him people have gathered, you are probably trying to embrace him, but inside you are annoyed that you got such a sensitive guy. This does not mean that he is completely useless - on the contrary, he can make a great career, have a perfectly adjusted life, and you are here, so beautiful and caring, always with him. But it seems that this person simply physically needs to share his negative outlook on the world. You went to a cafe, he ordered a cocktail, but it was not available? You are waited half-hour grumbling about injustice in the world, after all you drink, that you want, and he "that has got". I cooked him an omelet for breakfast, which did not have time to remove it from the plate? He will have to crunch a dry overcooked crust - the mood for the whole day is spoiled.
Psychologists say that to be something dissatisfied with such people is a normal physical reaction to external stimuli, which originates from childhood. The inner child of this person is crying not because something terrible has happened to him, he just needs emotional relaxation.
Men-whiners grow, as a rule, in a family where the father is absent either physically or psychologically. And my mother is extremely caring, trying to protect her son as much as possible from all problems. And at the same time it is very disturbing and, perhaps, even slightly jealous of the son's attempts to do something on his own. Mom and son are in a kind of symbiosis, in which by default the roles are distributed as follows: she is strong, intelligent, caring, and he - the one who takes this care, needs it. Growing up, a man is looking for a relationship that has been familiar to him since childhood.
Unfortunately, the whiner did not manage to grow up. And I did not learn to take responsibility for my life. He cries, snorts, like a small child, desperate for a caring mother who should help him cope with this difficult life. As a rule, in a relationship such a man takes the position of Victim. And she always needs a Savior. A girl who is not ready only to support and be a kind of muse for a loved one, without asking anything in return, is unlikely to be able to stay with a male whiner for a long time. Even let him charm her with her sensitivity and sentimentality at the very beginning of the relationship. But if it's more important for you to love yourself than to feel a strong man's shoulder next to you, then your couple has a future.
Will not forgive!
Everything is great with you, until something suddenly happens. But what is this "something" and why it so hurt him, you have to guess yourself. Perhaps later, a loved one will talk about how not to act so as not to offend him in the best of feelings. But it will happen later, but while within a few hours you will see the displeased face of your man and to answer all questions only one answer - "normal." And also suffer from a lack of understanding of what in your behavior he did not like.
Excessive isolation in a conflict situation, unwillingness to talk, and also a gloomy look, most likely indicate that he does not have enough attention. Often, this behavior can be quite conscious manipulation. The insult of your partner causes a sense of guilt from you, and you are ready to give your warmth just to cope with this unpleasant feeling. Causes of excessive resentment, like many other problems, in childhood. Perhaps the parents were restrained in the manifestation of feelings and rarely praised their little son, each time preferring not to notice that with the help of insult he was trying to get their attention. And instead of loving oneself and accepting what it is, it becomes very important to the child how it is assessed by others. Not getting what he wants, he saves the annoyance to the whole world, which in adult life demonstrates at every opportunity to those who have not been able to give him enough attention and love.
A little boy in an adult man is too scared to ask for something openly and to experience his own failure, but suddenly he is rejected. Therefore, the offense becomes, albeit strange, but a way of communicating with the surrounding world and the partner. Those who often take offense often believe that they are underestimated, and they need constant confirmation of their own worth, praise. Such a man is pre-arranged for a negative attitude towards himself. He can himself initiate situations in which he will feel rejected and unrecognized, receiving from this a kind of masochistic pleasure.
Another common cause of resentment may be unjustified expectations. Your man waited from you, for example, invitations to a party or to visit friends and, not having received it, with all his looks demonstrates universal insult. He sincerely believes that you, like many others, should have known his wishes.
If a young man is too touchy, then you should be patient in communicating with him. Praised him for his achievements and successes, but avoid comparisons with others, for you the best is him, and only him! Try to find a "golden" middle between constant admiration and avoiding provocations on his part. Switch the attention of the man from the problems to the positive aspects of life. Show him that talking about grievances may not be so terrible and dangerous! And do not forget about communication and about your feelings - do not justify yourself and always apologize where you do not feel guilty.