How not to dissolve in the beloved?
Those who love themselves, are more successful in relationships. It is a fact. Try instead of attachment to switch at least part of your irrepressible energy to yourself and show your husband that you are not his logical continuation or - even worse - a free application, and an individual. Ask him about his work and meetings, do not forget to tell me how your day went (even if your partner does not take an interest in this habit). Any event can be described in different ways. Try to note your progress and achievements for the day, it will raise our self-esteem - and make your spouse look at you differently. Do not wait in despair, when he will once again spend all Saturday with friends in the garage, armchair or fishing. Change the usual order of things: he tells you about his plans, and you make a scandal. Your task is to get ahead of him! Go with your girlfriend to the movies, shopping or at a cafe and just put the spouse in notice: "Today I will not be at home all day, prepare something / sit with the child / wash, please, the floors." Your husband will be amazed and can hardly object to you. Family, husband, children - it's wonderful! Your work, hobbies, rest (and not only in the family circle) should bring you pleasure. That's why you should not take on all everyday problems, completely freeing them from a man (after all, you also have many things to do besides cleaning, ironing and cooking). Distribute responsibilities and do not forget to feel sorry for yourself. Nothing will happen if you do not wash the floor in the kitchen and devote this time to yourself (for example, make a mask or take a bath). Your wonderful mood will be passed on to your husband and you, quite possibly, will not have to ask him the hundredth time: "Sasha, do you love me?"
And, finally, the best way to get rid of emotional dependence on a man and attachment to him is to find her cause. Why do you need to constantly feel needed? Perhaps, it's all about your insecurity (you can not take any decisions on your own, and therefore you constantly shift all the problems onto the partner's shoulders). It is likely that you are afraid to remain alone and your behavior is, in fact, a protective reaction: thus, you are trying to tie a man to yourself. Or maybe the whole thing is that you are awakened by the maternal instinct that you transfer to your husband ("Did you eat?", "Dress warmly on the street is cold!", "Call me when you get to work") or, vice versa , the reason is not in you, but in your spouse (he is emotionally cold, and you have to beg for your share of compliments, embraces and pleasant words)? As you know, understanding the problem is the key to solving it.
Forbidden Attachment Attachments
- You should not call your husband's work 7-10 times a day just to tell you that you are bored or madly in love with him (such displays of feelings seem sweet only at first and then, by no means to all men).
- Appeals "my pussy", "cat", "bunny" and "kukushech" are acceptable only at home. You should not call your husband like that with his colleagues or friends.
- Phrases like "I know that you feel bad", "I'm sure that it will be better for you if ..." are doomed to failure. Firstly, no matter how many years you have lived together, you can hardly really know what emotions your husband is experiencing at the moment. And secondly, the husband will begin to perceive you not as a wife and a beloved woman, but as a mother (and this is the beginning of the end of all sexual relations).
- Feelings of guilt are not the best foundation for marriage. Charges; "I sacrificed everything for the sake of the family, and you can not give up fishing!", "We hardly saw you all week because of your work, I hoped for the weekend, and you again go somewhere with your friends!", " Children have forgotten your name! "- most likely, they will lead to mutual insults, scandals and quarrels. Your task is not to show how your husband is to blame for everything before you (or even worse - before your children and relatives) and tell him about your feelings ("I will be sad if you leave", "I'm afraid not to cope with the children alone. .. "," I would like to spend this weekend only together! ").
A reasonable compromise instead of affection
Well, both your husband and you (and necessarily) should have their friends, private time, joint and separate holidays, the right to be alone, and also to silence and call a lawyer. It's not worth the shutters, in doubt. Having your own hobbies, impressions and experience, you get a reason and topics for conversation, become more interesting to each other, and also achieve the main bonus (during this time you have time so much to miss each other, that once again the passions return again). However, it also happens in another way: in practice, an excessive game of freedom ("come when you want", "do what you want") often turns into indifference, and now under the arches of one house no longer live with a husband and wife, but completely strangers to each other people. Feeling of a measure and mutual consent, and comfort are the main criteria in granting the personal freedoms of spouses. It's one thing if your husband spends one week of his vacation in Karelia with his friends on fishing, and the other three - with you and the children at sea, and another - if he goes alone with his single friend to a European resort (while you are sitting in the country and cook borsch). The same goes for personal interests. If your husband spends all weekend with his friends, at work or at the computer - this is an occasion to reflect, seriously talk and reconsider your relationship. Surely it was not always so! So, at some point something has changed in your life, some case, an inadvertently thrown phrase, the situation has broken what united you. Your task is to get to the bottom and eliminate it.