Many parents are ready to admit that children sometimes just drive them crazy with their behavior. They say "yes", and in a minute - "no", then stubbornly repeat "myself" and insist on their independence, and then with the same persistence refuse to do something. And as a result, we, adults, are drawn into stupid battles with our children and do not know how to stop them. What are the vagaries of preschool children, and how do we respond to them-parents? ..
Taming the obstinate, you must remember the following. In no case should you take a child's behavior, which is not understandable from the standpoint of common sense, as addressed personally to you. Your child behaves so completely not intentionally! It was by no means set to turn your life into a nightmare or to get rid of you, because you are bad parents. The main task of a preschooler is to test you. Or rather - to check how immutable or necessary are the rules of behavior that adults impose on him. It turns out that the child subconsciously goes to the trick. Refusing to obey any requirements of the parents, he thus wants to make sure for the rest of his life, and whether these requirements are mandatory. Kids do not want to take anything for granted, and thank God. Because of this incredulity, they develop - emotionally, physically, and socially.
THE SUITE AROUND THE SOFA
Preschool children test their parents in the most unexpected ways - who knows how. But behind the visible, allegedly spontaneous and insincere reaction of the child to your appeal to him, the search for an answer to the question is hidden: "And what place do I occupy in the world around me? Who is responsible for what is happening here and now? If my mother, to which I was accustomed from birth, then do I have to control my own life? "
A child several times a day learns from adults about how he can and should not do, if he wants to get along with others or be safe. He absorbs this information like a sponge. But then he does not know how to dispose of it. That's when he starts his whims - testing adults. That is, first they cause a certain reaction in their "I do not want, I will not," and then, depending on this reaction, sorts the requests addressed to it for mandatory and optional.
In the opinion of psychologists, one should be worried about those parents whose children are too obedient and follow any instructions. And the obstinate behavior of children is normal, because it is a definite stage in their development. And it occurs from the very moment when the baby begins to realize his "separation" from parents and educators, begins to feel independent and capable of independent actions. This discovery, on the one hand, fills your child with pride and joy, but on the other - generates fear, like everything new. That's why for the first time children constantly balance between "I myself" and "I will not."
Pre-school children use vagaries to make sure, for example, and whether they understood their mother's prohibitions correctly. It's because we know that you can not draw on the sofa. A three-year-old can think that his mother forbade him to do this just because she was in that moment was in a bad mood. Therefore, after a couple of days, he again tries to turn a single-colored sofa into a striped sofa with the help of markers. He needs to make sure, but is it really wrong to do so. Mom probably will think that the child consciously wants to anger her. Yes you will - he has more important worries!
WHO WHO OVERHEATES
My neighbor every morning started with the "Kulikovo battle", because her five-year-old son flatly refused to dress. She tried everything: offered him clothes to choose from, laid out her from the evening around the bed, bribed with toys and sweets - it's useless! Every morning our house was announced by the child's screams, the sounds of slaps and the cries of an angry mother. And there would be no end to these scandals, if one day exhausted parents did not seek help from a psychologist.
And the expert explained to them that the son thus checks the requirements of adults "for strength". The child was trying to understand whether the situation had really changed and now he should be responsible for his dressing in the mornings, not his mother, as before. The preschool child felt that some action was expected of him, but he could not take the situation under control because of his small age. Here he was cunning, he won time, restraining himself from the vein of perseverance. Usually such whims continue until the child is convinced that it is necessary to do so, and not otherwise. The parents can help him in this in many ways. But that's what my neighbors did on the advice of a psychologist.
When the next morning came, and the specter of another battle loomed ahead, Mom behaved differently than usual. Does not the son want to dress? Do not. So, he will go to the kindergarten in his pajamas and slippers. The road to the garden was accompanied by the sneers of passers-by, but these were trifles compared to what awaited the stubborn in the group! The peers surrounded him like an exotic beast, pointed with his fingers, pulled at his sleeves and wildly laughed. The next day, because of the walls of the neighbor's apartment, there was no sound, and after glancing through the window a short time later, I saw a boy, dressed from head to foot, whose mother had led him gently by the hand.
It is important that parents are patient, so that they are set up for negotiation and persuasion, and not for shouting or punishment. It's not easy, but it's possible.
• Adults should clearly delineate the rules - which are mandatory for the child and in which he can receive relief. And to stand to death in battle only for the first of them. And that the child was easier to obey, offer him a compromise option. For example, if he really wants to sculpt plasticine on the carpet in the bedroom, lay an oilcloth or ask him to relocate to the kitchen. By the way, from solid leadership, which manifests itself periodically, your child will feel only comfortable.
• Do not set too many limits. Otherwise, you will not only kill the children's curiosity, but also give birth in the child's desire to start a fight in which parents usually lose. According to psychologists, if adults complain of frequent vagaries of their children, this means that they live in a world of continuous prohibitions. Arrange the life of the child so that you do not have to worry about his safety every minute, but because something is forbidden. For example, why scream at the baby: "Get away from the outlet!" If you can close them with special plugs.
• If you suddenly notice that the child reacts to any of your instructions without hesitation, the word "no", contact him in such a way that he simply could not answer you so. For example, do not ask in a menacing voice: "So will you finally get dressed?" Better offer him: "Let me help you dress" or ask: "What do you want to wear - trousers or jeans?" A good way to mitigate the negative impression of prohibitions - express their demands so that they do not sound very categorical.
• Help a preschool child formulate their feelings. He is still too young to say in the evening: "I am very tired today, I have stress." Instead, he will arrange for you on the road from the garden hysteria due to the unbought chocolate. Calm the child with the words: "I know that you had a difficult day, so now we will come home and I will come up with an interesting but quiet game for you." Then the child will understand what is happening to him, and he will not have to check whether it is really bad to yell in the middle of the store. In addition, he will be pleased that you are attentive to his well-being. Do not be afraid to talk this way even with a one-year-old crumb - he will perfectly understand you, if you say in response to his whimper: "You're hungry, suffer a little, now I will warm up the milk."
• Be prepared for unexpected outbursts of your child. Keep in mind that the preschooler does not yet know how to control himself the way adults do. Any change in the "scenery" - leaving the playground, turning off the TV before going to bed, etc. - may cause the child to test you. Such a reaction can also give rise to tensions in the family, for example, parents' divorce or worsening financial situation. And from his own problems in the form of wet panties or transfer from one group to another, the baby can not escape. Here he is "riddled". It comes from a feeling of insecurity in yourself, from losing control over yourself and the situation, and not because he wants, by making whims, to get your nerves. Even if the child has matured and such antics have already been forgotten, in special cases they can come back again. Do not make tragedy out of it.
• Remember that education is hard work. And rarely any of the parents can behave with children from day to day equally. We periodically feel helpless before the vagaries of preschool children and as a result - we break on them. If you lost your temper - do not worry, but better apologize to the child. You'll see - he will very much forgive you. Well helps in critical situations and a sense of humor. Do not worry, sooner or later your child will digest everything that you taught him, and turn into a good person. Everything has its time.