Surely, each of you at least once in my life met a man who simply attracts trouble, a person with a victim syndrome. If someone is fired from work, then this is it. If someone leaves his wife, then here he is. If anyone on holidays and breaks down the drain, then only him. At first such a person is very pitied both by relatives and friends. They try to help him, encourage him with words, but the unfortunate person rejects all help with all his strength.
As a result, the situation comes to a standstill - a person lives in misfortunes, close people drop their hands, everything is bad and there is no clearance. Is it possible to help such people? Is there a chance to avoid such a series of failures? Of course, yes, this is what we will try to understand.If the victim is among you.
For a start, stop feeling sorry. So what, that the man has once again been unlucky. How many times has he been so unfortunate in the last month? A year? Did he somehow try to avoid failure? That's just it.
Listen carefully to the victim's complaints, but do not give in, but ask specific questions. What are you going to do now? Have you already thought, why this situation repeats itself? Insist that a person ceases to think that he is unhappy and to blame all around, even if for a second he imagines that he is responsible for his life.
Do not try to solve all the problems for him. Help get a solution to the problem. Tell me how and where you can find a new job, but do not look for a place for the victim themselves - let him take care of himself. Do not discuss with him hours treacherous traitor wife, offer another, more constructive occupation.
Do not support the victim's accusations against other people and just this imperfect world. The victim will always find the guilty and it will be anyone, but not herself. Prevent such talk.
A person with a victim syndrome should be faced with the fact that if he does not help himself now, then there is no one else to count on him.
In the event that the victim does not want to understand you and change something in his life, use more harsh methods. For example, frank conversation. Do not be afraid to be a traitor and enemy number one. The attitude of the victim to people is constantly changing, and you can sow a healthy grain.
Tell the victim the whole truth about her, that is, how she and the situations that happen to her, look from the outside. Try to speak calmly, but firmly, do not make accusations, just state the facts.
If the victim went to talk and decided to change something, support her in this endeavor, help overcome the temptation to abandon everything and return to her former parasitic lifestyle.
If you are a victim.
If you began to notice the syndrome of the victim in your home, you noticed that you often complain to friends and relatives about what you are talking about more positive things, if the troubles went one after another, relations with people became more complicated, pay attention to yourself. Are not you the reason?
Do not demand from others those actions towards you that you must perform. Do not you think of walking on crutches if you have healthy legs? In that case, do not ask others to do any work for you or make decisions where you are coping yourself.
Do not be afraid to make mistakes. Taking responsibility for yourself to other people, you risk much more.
Do not attract negative situations. Do not plan the failure of each of your undertakings. Be neutral with what is happening, but try to do your best to make the result as you need it.
Avoid the temptation of being weak. Everyone is able to cope with a much larger number of problems than he represents. The more we regret ourselves, the less power we have for real actions.
Praise yourself even for the smallest successes. Encourage each victory over your own weakness, and in a short time, you will become a winner from the victim.
In fact, everyone can overcome their weaknesses. It is enough to be demanding of yourself, to objectively evaluate your strengths and capabilities and to learn to stand firmly on your feet. Someone else's help in critical situations is necessary and perfect, if you have someone to ask for help. But turning a kindred and friendly support into permanent crutches is harmful even for the most prosperous person.