Loneliness is the meaning of life for most of us

Psychologist Arik Sigmam undertook to calculate the amount of direct communication between people with each other, and the results of the study were published in the journal of the British Institute of Biology. It turned out that for twenty years from 1987 to 2007, we lost four hours in communication. Parents, children, spouses, employees, friends, acquaintances (in the study Sigman asked to take into account even conversations in the elevator with neighbors) - at all now it takes us two hours a day. Communication is becoming less. This is bad? Not always. But sometimes loneliness is the meaning of life for most of us.
... But loneliness is more beautiful
There are a number of classes and conditions for which solitude is an indispensable condition. When do we need to be alone with ourselves? First of all, when there are difficulties or the crisis is ripening: either the work does not like it, or it's not okay with health. It would seem, why stay alone with your problems? After all, others can help, distract. Distract - yes, but you still have to make a decision, but for this you need to think carefully, tune in, concentrate. It is possible only in solitude: to weigh the pros and cons, to deal with emotions, without experiencing the pressure that others freely and involuntarily exert on us. To realize their own experiences, the morning hours are best suited, for example, when you pass part of the way to work on foot. But in the evening, such self-examination can completely deprive sleep.

Temporary loneliness is the meaning of life for most of us , but sometimes it is useful when you are strongly irritated. It does not matter who caused this negative feeling. Emotions have a property to be transmitted, we, as it were, infect others around them. In addition, when you are surrounded by people, it is difficult to come to peace of mind. You pretend that everything is fine, and you get even more irritated. Spill everything out, and a quarrel breaks out.
According to statistics, family men live 10 years longer than single men. Women do not have such a relationship, and most of the long-livers have never been married. So it turns out that the ladies of different aspects of living together cause very strong emotions, dangerous to health. So, for the sake of improving the nervous system, we just need to dive into solitude from time to time, more precisely, into solitude from a partner, even a very beloved one.

Do you want to practice meditation? Full relaxation of the body, rest from the thoughts and the surrounding reality - you can achieve this state only by ceasing to control yourself, to monitor your behavior. While we are surrounded by other people, it is almost impossible to do this - we will still subconsciously experience: "What do others think of me?" Of course, there are special exercises that allow you to retire without leaving the team. For example, imagine that between you and your colleagues is a sliding wall of thick frosted glass. You can mentally close it completely, so that you will not hear anything, and at this time arrange yourself a little relaxation session. But all the same, it's better if the privacy is real: even for 3 minutes of total rest you will get a positive charge and relax. Yes, and colleagues do not have to wonder why you, smiling blissfully, look at one point.

Finally, a person who is limited in communication is capable of great achievements. Loneliness is the strongest stimulus for creative energy and self-development. To loneliness everybody gets used, because loneliness is the meaning of life for most of us. And it is useful both voluntary and compelled solitude, when, for example, you are in conflict with close people. This is due to the blocking of needs. I want you to talk to someone, laugh, somewhere to go or make love, and not with anyone. This causes first aggression, then - resentment and, in the end - a reduction in mood and some apathy. And then you say to yourself: "That's all. Enough is enough." We must do something! " - and start looking critically at your own behavior, going with the forces to change, and find a way out of the situation. After all, solitude is useful only when you take it consciously, of its own free will, and it has a clear framework, including temporary ones. Otherwise, this state will turn into its other side - loneliness.

Oh, loneliness, how your character is cool!
Loneliness is a lack of communication and a low mood. And if the separation from people lasts a long time (so much so that a person starts to realize this as a problem), then just a bad mood will be replaced by anguish and depression. A single person can be easily discerned even in a crowd: his corners of the lips are lowered, wrinkles, a pale complexion and a sutured back are manifested more sharply. Specialist in the field of psychosomatic medicine and author of the book "Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness" James Lynch asserts that the more lonely a person feels, the less resistant to infection, the higher for him the risk of developing various chronic diseases, including cardiovascular. And even oncological diseases, according to the scientist, are based on their emotions associated with loneliness: despair, insult, guilt.

Not so long ago, social psychologists, studying the problems of loneliness, conducted an experiment in mice. Several rodents were planted in individual empty cages and approached them for a month only in order to give food. Another group of mice led an ordinary life, communicating with neighbors in a cage, having fun with ladder and other toys. Then all mice were infected with the influenza virus. Of those who lived together, not even everyone was infected, and the rest quickly recovered. But the lone sufferers were very ill, with complications and several deaths. Conclusion: even mice need someone to be there, in time to rub against the fur and squeak something encouraging. What can we say about people!

Do you want to communicate? Click here!
Maybe salvation in virtual communication? The world fashion for social networks also came to Europe: 43% of Internet users regularly visit their favorite resources. And it seems strange to talk about loneliness, if you can communicate with anyone and at any time. In fact, only the first 3-4 months a person has satisfaction with such communication, a sense of completeness of life. Then comes the fatigue and some disappointment. Those who started a page just out of interest (find old friends, see who became who), worry about this slightly. But people who have tried to escape this way from loneliness are even worse. On the one hand, there comes an understanding that we have to be satisfied with only a surrogate of communication, on the other - there is a dependence: there is still no other. In 1995, Randy Conrad, the founder of the first network, did not expect such a problem to arise: "Networks should promote social activity, stimulate it, but in fact they often replaced it."
Television also does everything to save people from being alone, until, however, unsuccessfully. Reality shows, communication with the presenters on the air, and the behind-the-scenes in the series - all this gives only a momentary sense of presence, interaction. Although we are at the highest level of the animal kingdom, we still belong to it completely. So, for harmony with ourselves and nature, we have little to do with virtual communication. No matter how much we click a mouse, it will be bad and lonely for us. We need living people to look them in the eyes, feel their intonation, see gestures, feel the touch. Therefore, having enjoyed the solitude in full and having received from him all the benefits, we must again go out into the world and build relationships with others. After all, only in a living communication can we feel happy to the full.

With what to remain "one on one"?
There are things that either of us will help to cope with loneliness or ... enjoy solitude on long winter evenings. Many live by loneliness. Can loneliness be the meaning of life for most of us? Unfortunately yes. But you can fight it.

Book
You can choose something with an intriguing name like "How to get rid of loneliness in 10 days." But probably the most sensible that was published on this topic in soft cover is the old good "How to win friends" by D. Carnegie. It's hard to argue with the fact that we all love, see smiling faces and tell us about ourselves. Refresh the memory of simple rules of communication. Do not be limited to practical guidance and re-read "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by G. Marquez. A book about how each of us, no matter how many people it is surrounded, in the end, remains alone with his life, past and future.

Dvd player
The TV, taking away the hours of our precious life, say decisive no! But from a good movie should not be abandoned. To forget the sorrows of unrequited love will help romantic drama "Love in the time of cholera" with inimitable Javier Bardem. And from melancholy and anxiety, a touching family comedy like "Marly and I" will be relieved: they say, Labradors, including cinematographic ones, perfectly raise the mood. However, you can choose a film to your taste.

Baking dish
The shape with a hole in the middle for fragrant charlottes, cozy nests for muffins, amusing shapes in the form of hearts and other figures - such a variety of culinary "helpers" literally pushes to create a delicious masterpiece with their own hands. Add spices: vanilla, cinnamon, and in a few hours in your kitchen there will be incomparable atmosphere of the holiday. Home-made pastries will cheer up and relieve the feeling of longing.