He begins to seem to himself an adult, not really for a moment, without ceasing to be a child. In his own eyes, he becomes independent, whereas in reality everything is the opposite. He assures himself of his omnipotence, without even knowing how weak. Whenever his hand touches a cigarette pack. In those moments when alcohol gets into his blood. The day when he, a child, discovers drugs. The virtual world stretches before him with all the depth of its shakiness-fluctuation, but this world can easily turn into reality. In which his true, God-given essence may not remain. How to prevent this? How can I help you? And most importantly - what is the reason for the addictions of a teenager and how to avoid them?
The most important thing.
All the reasons are just occasions, just the triggers: one will not work, another will connect. If there is, of course, the real reason. By and large, there are only three of them:
• Curiosity . Of course, not every child is characterized by such manifestations of it, and if one must necessarily try and this and that, then the other does not show any interest at all to anything like that. The difference in views on things is born of a difference of interests. The more they are bigger and healthier since childhood, the fewer chances at the adolescence are to see something base and unhealthy. That is why a young violinist-smoker or a sportsman-addict is a non-existent concept. If, of course, the second reason did not find its place in these images.
• Protest. Its roots can lie in infancy, if at that time much was forbidden, if the parental authority was imposed, and the childish sorrows and joys were not too close to heart. Having grown up and brought up in such conditions, the child, with all the strength of his soul, seeks to obtain the long-awaited freedom to be himself, and therefore, without a backwardness, starts to do everything that will cause discontent and condemnation of the parents. Perhaps he perfectly understands the perniciousness of his actions, and the colorfully intimidating descriptions of the consequences do not need him. It's just that, like a child's mechanism, it will not stop until the potential of this plant runs out. And this rebellious spirit can be fueled by the same rebels who have escaped from the grip of childhood. By the way, about the influences. They may well constitute an independent cause, the name of which
• Desperation. Its range extends from a primitive "for a company" (when one wants to be just like everyone) to a more serious "from despair" (when to be like everyone else is a survival strategy). Contributes to unhealthy influences from the side is not too strong connection of the child with the house. The more indifferent the relationship in the family, the less interest the child is shown by the parents, the less is his confidence, the weaker his sense of dignity and the more primitive his ability to uphold personal interests and ignore not very sympathetic opinions. Without the spiritual support of parents, the child is deprived of the main component of immunity against these temptations - the life position of the optimist.
How to prevent?
A kind of preventive measures, although in essence - just a tactic of education or, in other words, parental protectors from life's misfortunes.
• Family bonds. To feel them on themselves the child should not be at the expense of strict control from the parents. This can be countered positively in its pure form - with polite requests and tactful punishments instead of demands and commands, with understanding and sympathy, and not with condemnation, with incentives in return for punishments. To learn the basics of positive education is not too difficult-it is enough to start by reading a good book of a wise parent (such ones are published!) And not stopping your parental self-education from now on (it's interesting!).
• Freedom to be yourself. It arises when parents easily accept the personality of the child, do not criticize or blame them when children are allowed to show discontent and disagreement, and all aspirations, however improbable, are encouraged and supported.
It is very important to always find the "golden mean" - not to step into the relationship with the child line, where love and care go to care without boundaries. There, already the transfer of freedom and responsibility for behavior is associated with inattention and indifference. Always remember: your child's behavior is his response to your attitude towards him.
• Access to the information. To the one that most clearly demonstrates the power of the influence of nicotine, alcohol and drugs on the human body. It should be impressive, but not intrusive. The first is easy to achieve by emotionality, and to exclude the second, it is necessary to avoid critical reasoning and notations. That is, lessons and lectures "on the topic" have a much smaller effect than the contemplation of visual examples, which are shown if not by a life that takes place somewhere near by, then by X-rays or museum exhibits.
A common mistake parents make is that they say extremely negative about drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. And while "checking" the teenager feels different, and then he has an idea: "I was deceived." The memory of the received pleasure is stored unconsciously, at the physical level, but it is the most reliable for storing information.
It is important to provide honest information: yes, these substances bring pleasure, but a person pays for it - health, relationships and even life. Parents need to be prepared for such conversations with their child. The right words should be prompted by people who are authoritative in such matters - teachers and psychologists, as well as those who are allowed to make personal positive experiences.
• The power of authority and personal example. Without them, all other amulets are no longer valid. And no matter how convincing, in your opinion, the words about how one day a certain horse died from a drop of nicotine sounded from your lips, they will remain just words, if you yourself smoke.
How to avoid mistakes?
There are actions, the commission of which not only does not give positive results, but also aggravates the situation. Here are the most dangerous of them:
• Groundless accusations. Often, adults pronounce the adolescents with something like: "I bet you're already smoking quietly." To hear this from parents to the child is not just insulting. John Gray's book "Children from Heaven" mentions a line of generations - an invisible, conditionally accepted trait above which parents normally reside, leaving the children a place underneath - under the line. Such a hierarchy enables younger generations to connect unhindered to the spiritual resources of the elders and to develop freely the qualities necessary for a full life. It is only for parents to break this hierarchy by their wrong behavior towards the child - and they are already under the line. The child takes their place, that is, in essence, becomes a parent to himself, but ... At the same time he is forced to bypass many important stages of his development. It can not be said that this will prevent him from living further, but he will still miss too much in this life. The loneliness of the soul, despite the sea of friends around - is not the price of the phrase heard too high?
Accusing a child is also anxiety, anxiety about him, but how differently they perceive the first and second! Be sincere with your child, learn to talk to him with the help of feelings - give the spoken words more meaning.
A fairly common error of parents is prohibitions and deprivations. The punishment completely destroys the desire not only to cooperate with parents, but also to communicate with them in general. After all, from mom and dad, who should be caring and patient, they suddenly turn into strict supervisors. This tactic is also erroneous because it deprives the child of parental support when he has problems.
Prohibitions in the life of the child are needed, but they must be clearly formulated and explained, and each of them must have certain boundaries - age, time, territorial.
How can I help you?
The correct approach to solving problems of this kind is encouraging a teenager to talk. But in any case, not moralizing or threatening. This should be a conversation that causes the child's desire and desire to understand himself, answer the questions that stir up the soul and draw positive conclusions. It is necessary to start such a conversation not with enumeration of children's mistakes and presentation of their consequences, but with questions-saviors:
• What do you think about cigarettes (alcohol, drugs)?
• Why do you think I do not want you to use it?
• What, in your opinion, can I do for you so that you will not do it any more?
• Do you want to ask me for anything else?
If the parents value the child's opinion, then the child's opinion is dearly valued by the parents. Such a candid, not touching childish pride conversation parents show a sincere interest in the soul of the child and, therefore, have the right to expect from him the same sincere answers. And mutual understanding will certainly be established. And it is not just the first step on the way to solving the problem, because, according to ancient wisdom, much more than half of the whole begins.
Sight.
Roman MENSHCHIKOV, Consultant on Rehabilitation:
- Any dependence should be looked at as a disease that has four sides: biological, psychological, social and spiritual. And treatment should be conducted in four directions at once: medical care, support of an experienced psychologist, social adaptation and provision of opportunities for spiritual growth.
Farewell.
Irina BORISEVICH, doctor-psychotherapist, narcologist:
- It is easier and easier to treat addiction to children and adolescents than adults. It is difficult with my parents. They are deeply convinced that everyone is doing the right thing. But the roots of the problem in the relationship between children and parents, and they go back very deeply. Parents tend to see in children the object of realizing their unfulfilled hopes, their reflection. But it should be - just an object of love. This is a special inner feeling. And the child can recover truly only when his parents feel this sensation.