In a word, all the realities of such a long-awaited "happy" family life. As there, in the fairy tale it is said: "+ and they lived a soul in the soul, long and happy"? .. Yes, show me the one who composes fairy tales! But at first glance, it all started so well! The sea of flowers, the ocean of affection, serenades under the windows, only the most beautiful and gentle words of enchanting letters (long live the Internet, and then without it a man in any way!)
How he was caring and gentle, sensitive and attentive! And what was she sweet and charming, trembling and dazzling! They had everything like, in romantic American films: chic bouquets and expensive restaurants, they were able to meet dawns and sunsets. And then a small, red box in the form of a heart and five cherished words: "Will you marry me?" Well, then everything went smoothly like "the wedding sang and danced +", the friendly "bitterly!", My mother's dreams of happiness + A wonderful honeymoon ended with the first, but already family scandal with a rhetorical question: "Did Mom cry from happiness? .."
Already in the first months of a joint life, many couples watch the harsh reality of their happy family life . And it does not really matter how long they've been ringing each other for a month or dozens of years. Together with a couple of more radiant rings they bought new, possibly not very pleasant, but still relatives, a whole bunch of banal affairs around the house, bills that should have been paid, but the family budget has already been drawn, but it turned out that he did need to plan. In this not an easy period of rubbing characters, the wife takes off her rose-colored glasses and begins to understand that her beloved does not disaccustom to throw dirty socks around the apartment and drink beer with friends. This is a simple sign of how relationships in marriage are changing. The husband, in turn, sees that his ardently beloved wife is not at all a tidbit, but a fan of purgatory. Pre-wedding masks fall off, the true face of a man is manifested more, and then, as the saying goes: the soul raced to Paradise +
One of my friends married less than 30 years, recalls: "When I just started dating my future husband, I was pleasantly surprised by his accuracy and seriousness." After the wedding he unpleasantly struck me, it turns out that his accuracy only applies to himself: he is not accustomed to elementary things, they can not take out the garbage, nor clean the bath after themselves, and there can not be seriousness and speech, it often turned into tediousness. "Half a year later, as I discovered that my husband is my son's son, it seems that he was only spoiled and I also cherish the relations with my husband's relatives, save one thing - in all sorts of disputes my husband always takes my side, but that's all, little things. "In many respects after the wedding, our relations improved: we are one we have one life for two, common plans and goals.You can get used to everything, live together a lot, the main thing is that both are striving to create a happy family. "
Psychologists in turn state: finance, love, communication, betrayal, parenting and domestic chores are the main subject of the spouses' differences, these are the reasons why relations in marriage change. When marrying, remember: people rarely change in what makes up their nature. Wife simply spends time trying to re-educate her husband, he in turn, tries to change it, between all the disputes, none of the lovers does not notice that, they do not make a step towards each other, but will increasingly move away. Only after the wedding the young begin to rebuild the relationship, and this, as we know, requires patience and wisdom. Be wise, because you can not avoid quarrels and troubles even in the happiest marriage!
The statistics says: 26% of divorces fall on couples who are married for less than two years, and 51% of divorces - in the first five years of living together, all because marriage relationships are changing. Nevertheless, you will agree, if you both love each other and really want to keep a new family, then no scattered socks will not prevent you, but the fact remains a fact!
One day, a friend of mine, who had not yet had time to know motherhood, asked: "How does life change after the birth of a child, and does it change at all?" To which I replied: "nothing changes, just the old carefree life ends and a new stage begins." From the first minute of the appearance of the child in the house, it is he who becomes the center of attention in the family. The only thing that changes is the relationship between husband and wife, and not for the better. One of the most common causes of alienation between spouses is postpartum depression. Undoubtedly, young mothers experience this condition, for various reasons: responsibility, future responsibilities, abandonment of personal life and, of course, unbearable fatigue. Many new mothers during pregnancy dream of the appearance of a baby who will love them. But after the birth, the dream breaks down into reality, besides, the little beet-red little man is always crying, and he does not look much like an angel from commercials!
As for the figure, where is it, where did it go? Previously, you were a pretty, beautiful, port fat and pregnant, and now - just thick with bruises under the eyes, green skin and + Causes for depression, more than enough, not remembering the hormonal changes in the body.
Something similar in psychological terms is experienced by fathers, I'm not ashamed to say that this is much more difficult for them. Men, unlike women, need a long time to realize themselves as a father, and fear of not coping with the father's burden, generates a depressed state.
In this difficult period, the relationship between husband and wife is critical. The wife claims that the spouse does not pay attention to her or the baby, does not appreciate her efforts and behaves like a cynic and selfish! The husband tired of an irritated and eternally tearful wife, simply locked in himself, often lingers at work. Such a long-awaited and all-beloved little one becomes the cause of the family crisis.
Natalia recalls the first year after childbirth as a bad dream: "The birth of our son was the beginning of the end of the family's existence. Immediately after the birth I fell into a terrible depression, it seemed to me that life was over." All that became the meaning of my life is the child, the house , diapers, walks - everything was just on me.My husband stayed at work, came as a squeezed lemon and went to bed at once.I felt that his fatigue and in the outfit did not suit mine! I felt lonely, I thought that this sleepless nightmare there will never be an end At the next quarrel I shouted that my husband was not fit as a father, and my husband responded that he was earning money, the child was my duty, and how I wanted to switch roles for one day, I would try myself in my place - maybe then he would understand how hard it really is for me! "In the end, my spouse did not just stop at work, but disappear at night, after two years we terminated the marriage." This is a negative point of how relationships in marriage change.
Exit from this situation is simple, listen to the advice of a psychologist and save your family. Women have the right to defeat their own depression by changing attitudes towards new responsibilities. Change the worn dressing gown for a beautiful suit, change the haircut, buy a good film - see the whole family. You say: "just such trifles", but play a huge role in preserving the family and perfectly replace any depression and scandals!
"Mom, who are you?" I once heard a reproach to my husband from my friend.
Here it is a possible reason for alienation - the absolute emphasis on mother's attention to the child. Returning from work, the husband does not understand where the familiar signs of attention have gone to him, instead of feeding him dinner, ask how things at work hears: "I'm worn out, I do not have time, and in general, you can do everything by yourself." This is one example of how relationships change after marriage.
She is not interested in what time he will come, what he will eat, whether he has a clean shirt, not to mention sex, he was only on big holidays.
Lack of attention often ends with adultery on the side, it's the first time half a year after the appearance of a baby in the family. A man feels not needed, he was found a replacement, and to be in second place do not want to. It sounds trite, but the fact, the spouse is often jealous of his own blood, because the wife did not keep the previous relationship, and pushed her husband to the second plan.
Psychologist advises: after the appearance of the child in the family should not focus on one parent, so that the relationship has not changed. Jealousy of the husband to the kid is completely justified, and appears only when the wife excludes from the life of the spouse, completely and completely gives the baby. Dear fathers and mothers, we should not forget that there are now three of you, and everyone loves your child in your own way.
As for the "cooling feelings" for the wife of those husbands who were present at the birth,
most likely, an excuse, not a reason. As they say, dear ladies, cards in your hands - look for a break in your relationship, not that the faithful looked at you, exhausted, not made-up in the delivery room.
The relationship of two lovers, like a ladder, that begins with the first date, the first recognition + Each stage of the relationship - a step into a new life. It does not matter at all whether it's a wedding or a new stage in your relationship, pregnancy or the birth of a baby, it's important that you unanimously decided to be together in grief and joy, and do not forget that relationships in marriage are changing.
Dear newlyweds perceive all quarrels and grindings as harsh realities of life, then you will live happily ever after, and happy children are born in a happy family. After all, you adore each other ?! Then they will say about you: "+ and they lived happily ever after +".